After spending the entire day together yesterday, I am strongly leaning toward the house manager being the problem.
I called my sister, the hospice nurse who has worked at all of the sites as well as the Hearth where I want to move him, and she told me that the house manager was a... very bad word. But when she met her in person she was oh so nice. (Because other people were around).
When DH was so upset, I took him into his bedroom and closed the door to try to give him enough privacy to calm down and he kept looking out the window to the driveway. Someone was loading up a big truck. He kept looking. But whoever was loading the truck wasn't the person.
When I brought him home I talked with Sally, the night aide who is very good with DH. He laughs with her and likes her. She thinks it has to do with the season changing. Maybe it's a factor, but that's not all of it. She then went on to tell me that the house manager and her family are gone for the holiday weekend. It was her sister and her husband I saw loading up the big truck. I think DH was looking for the house manager to come out.
After we left our visit to the Hearth, DH said he liked it there. He was his normal self all day. I tend to prattle on (I bet none of you ever guessed that) and when we came to a stop light I looked over at him and said "I want you happy. If you aren't happy where you are we can move you over to the new place we just visited". He got teary eyed and grabbed my hand and said with a shaky voice "Thank you, thank you". This was hours after we left his house.
I made an appointment with his Dr. But after thinking on this all day and all night, I'm moving him. It doesn't matter if most of the people in the house are good to him. If one person is regularly mistreating him, that's one too many. I think that the Hearth will be a good fit for him.
Yes, it's more expensive. But he has enough money to afford it and when it runs out, they have a program where the state will pay for 80% of the cost and he would cover the last 20%. His SSI will cover it.
Yes, it's further away for me. But it's only just over 5 miles away.
Oh. And when I told the manager about our dogs, she said "well you can bring them here any time you want. The other residents love that". Bella and Skittles would be in their glory. But DH would have a little apartment of his own with a sitting room we could stay in if Bella went into hyperactive overdrive mode.
