BYC Story Critique Group

[WooingWyandotte]

Hehe, ya I am getting back into writing again.

Kelishan minds are not like ours, nor is their planet, the only time wind appears is when it is winter, and there is no big ocean near the villages because of the main fact of what has happened to the ocean ^-^" and the weather is always a balmy 75 to 80, unless it winter then it is below -100 F....



and no, i dont have a brother, well i do, but i dont know him LOL more or less it just what came to mind

oh, i am not a good writer, honest

I'm not a Kelishan, LOL, I don't even know what they are.

And yes they are different, I'm sure, but that doesn't mean that you can't imagine she's feeling or thinking. That's what your imagination is for. As for the oceans, I don't know heck about Kelishans, but that whole 'questions thing' was to get you thinking, throwing out ideas.

 

[miss heny]

Kelishans are a race a made up

ya, i am working on the other 1/2 of chapter 2, i may do 1/2 of chapter 3 tonight, i dunno

 

[miss heny]

Lekeya
part 3 of chapter 2

I quickly walk to my small cove, the mud seething between my toes. My mother use to live her, but she was killed after I was the age of 100 because of her love of a Sheak.

As I walk I listened for the birds I so dearly loved, but they were gone, Since the village was destroyed many animals have fled to the safety of the mountains, like many of the villagers, only the Leshas and me, A halfbreed.

I quickly walk into my cove, listening to the water as it laps on the edge of the right side of the opening, and head all the way to the back, to the Lesha boy i found nearly dead near here. I quickly pulled out what herbs I found and mixed up what I could remember that could heal, and carefully gave it to him

Children are rare for the Kelishans, even Lesha ones are cherish, but the halfbreds. But I didnt care, like me he lost his parents, and I wont kill him for what he is, unlike many Lesha have tried to do, every since I was born i walked my steps lightly and kept my eyes on every things and listened for the slightly sounds, but they all knew to stay away from me when I around water.

Dezon
part 4 of chapter 2

I waited for my uncle to come back from hunting.


The time seemed to go n for every, has it been a hour, or a day? the ash was still raining from the sky, and the smell of burning Kelishan stilled filled the air, and the smell of burning meat could be smelled for miles.

Unlike Sheaks, and the younger races Kelishans are plant base life forms, and are the only ones, many of the other races dont know, and it is for a good reason, if they did? it is to horrible to think about.The sound of foot steps echo in the cave, I look at the form, it wasnt my uncle, I quickly grabbed my tekonsha, a curve, ridged sword, something that could cut the Sheak hid like it was butter. As the form got closer I hid behind a boulder and waited....


ah, chapter 2 is done

 

[miss heny]

did i kill it? XD

 

[WooingWyandotte]

Nope. :>p
Want me to critique those too?

 

[miss heny]

yes please! that is why i post it here LOL

 

[HCFarms96]

Can someone critique my story? Link -> https://www.backyardchickens.com/t/614564/a-collection-of-short-stories I'm waiting to put the next one up until I have this one critiqued. Thanks

 

[miss heny]

hello? XD have i killed people by the surprise of what type of life form Kelishans are?

 

[miss heny]

yep, yep i have

 

[WooingWyandotte]

You didn't kill it.

I have 2 go, will critique later!

Bye!