Can a step-parent EVER do ANYTHING good?!?!?!

[Michele_Lynd]

Just hang in there u are doing those kids a great service u are prepareing them to be adults I'm there with u i have two step daughters that live with me for the last 11 yrs and it has been the bumppest and best road I have ever been on

 

[PineappleMama]

Just based on your title... I'm not touching the In Laws thing as I haven't sorted my own out after 12 years...

I've had three stepfathers and still have one stepmother.

All three of the steps were *insert explicatives* though I only recall the last two, not just my opinion, the courts agree. But I'm more than somewhat biased so I'll stick to my stepmother.

1-She's the one that refused to allow me to come live with Dad and them as a child, left me in a home full of drugs, alcohol and every form of abuse... I gave up asking after a while.

2-She's also the one I wrote my paper of "Who I'd like to be when I grow up"... she taught Kinder for 20 years, while completing her Masters, and is now the Librarian...

3-...all the while being a loving and supportive wife, mother, daughter, aunt... etc. Knew that then, know it now.

4-I never allowed myself to get close to her for two reasons, though I didn't realize it until later years. One because if felt like a betrayal. That wasn't an issue with StepDad, I had no choice in that situation. I felt no guilt at all in trying to love my Dad while I was up there and no guilt when I was forced to call step Dad and my Dad by his first name if I was dumb enough to bring him up at all. But two because my relationship with my own mom and sister is SO stressful, so hurtful, I was scared to allow another mother (and sister for that matter, my baby sister is a stranger to me) close enough to hurt me. I regret that now, we're okay... totally civil, give a hug... but nothing like the relationship I have with aunts, grands, uncles, brothers, etc which is a shame because she's a great person.

So... point... uhh... you can respect someone and still be scared to trust. Throw in that some still retain the hope the folks will reunite (so NOT an option for mine, no chance, she did try to kill him by cutting his brake lines after all) and it's no wonder that kids have a hard time. And that doesn't even include plain ol' ordinary personality clashes, hormones, etc.

Stepping into the Step Zone... it's a mine field... for the adults AND the kids... but if you work together you can make it to the other side without losing too many limbs. *trips and falls off shetland pony*

 

[redhen]

Quote:

Your doing the right things!!
Can hubby talk to his parents about them running their mouths about you?? I would be livid!

 

[Braclin]

Well coming from a guy who had a truly evil step-mother who mentally abused him to such an extent that its taken years to overcome it. Sounds like you are doing a great job!! Any child would be lucky to have someone who cares so much!!

 

[zippitydooda]

Zippitydooda says sarcastically "Shame on you for being a parent! How DARE you shoulder your responsibility?"

Seriously though, you sound like you have poured your heart into raising those kids as your OWN, so FIL needs to shut up and BUTT OUT.

You are doing an amazing job, and feel free to get on here and vent any old time. We know that you love those kids, cause if you didn't, they would be running around like untame animals.

No worries.... some day FIL will see what wonderful adults those kids have become. (He will probably try to take the credit though

)

Keep doing the same as you are doing!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

My MIL did not initially like me; she would leave the room if I was present. She was angry about DH's divorce from his 1st wife. Eventually she came to love me--and my steps facilitated it. DH credits one; I've credited another. Who really knows? MIL passed away a number of years ago, and I miss her. My steps and I get along well. FWIW, probably the strangest wedding ceremony seating (completely accidental, although it happened twice) was that I ended up sitting next to DH's ex's DH while my DH ended up sitting next to his ex. Who knows what will happen with the upcoming wedding? Although all 4 of us inlaws-to-be absolutely adore the woman who will be our grandaughter's stepmom.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Thanks guys! I knew you all would understand

DH does too, but they are just crazy bored old folks...let it slide..they'll never change their mind about me. Gosh it just gets on my nerves though that they would try to downgrade me to my friend...but she let him have it

That is WHY she is my friend

Crazy old man just had to walk off without someone to fuss with

They have been mad for a few years because we put the kids in homeschool, but it was for their own protection. My oldest was getting too serious with the boyfriend and got caught. At 14, you just can't turn them loose to do whatever. The inlaws DO NOT know why we made her and that boy split and stay away from each other so long. That boy...is now my son-in-law though

Go figure, the kid did love him, but pregnant at 14 would still not have been a good idea!

The youngest kid, was being held in the office every day at recess and being made sit quietly while all other children played. At the time we had no idea what her health issue was...she was being tested for Lupus, and we were told to keep her indoors until we knew. Doctors orders. That was the schools solution

Homeschool was our solution

So yeah...we're horrible unfit parents

I guess it just bugs me that DD has never told them the truth about why she/they were pulled out of school. She has left me to shoulder the blame for her own misdeeds. I love the brat, but she has cost me SO much in relationships....*sigh*..parenting sucks sometimes. I have thought about just telling them so they'd bug off and leave me alone, but it really isn't my place to tell. I can tell you guys just to get it off my chest, but as far as most of the family knows...we're just mean controlling parents. Well....mainly me

Hubs can do no wrong in their eyes either..unless he is taking up for me. It's sad in a way that they are so blinded by love for their blood relation. Guess it is mostly because of whose shoes I filled..the original mom/wife was just outright nasty to them, hubs, and the kids. Drugs were her top priority, not the family. That is why it hurts so stinking bad though. I gave up my single life, my free time, my whole lot of stuff to make this my family, and they became the CENTER of my world...and now.....half of them wouldn't spit on me if I were on fire. The kids stay mad at me, as do the in-laws, and God only knows the countless folks they have told their side of the story to run me down even more. Sometimes I almost want off the ride. This is MY disfunctional heap of kinfolk now though, and well at least they are the same everyday...buttheads

There IS a certain comfort in knowing what to expect.

 

[cassie]

No, a step parent cannot do anything good. Or right. Neither can the pastor's wife. Either her dress is too revealing or too modest (same dress) or she is too assertive or too mousy. The step parent is too strict or not strict enough. Sometimes you just can't win. Just do the best you can and let the blabbermouths say what they like. You can't control other people so no there is no use getting upset about them. Sometimes I do anyway though.

 

[Buff Hooligans]

No other choice but to become Tibetan monks. With chickens.