Can't sleep, need advice

[AndreaGS]

This is a tough situation, and I feel for you. I don't care if you're a man or a woman - it's important to try and stay healthy for the sake of the people you would leave behind.

I know when I was trying to get my fiance to drink less, I used "we" statements instead of "you". "We" should try not to drink so much - though I don't know how that would apply with you, since it seems your husband does this on his own.

What's really concerning is the sleep apnea. Can you convince him to get this looked at? Not only does it interrupt the sleep cycle, but when you stop breathing for long enough, you start killing brain cells. In addition, it can be the doctor that tells him that he needs to lose weight.

 

[WoodlandWoman]

Have you ever considered couples counseling? It sounds like you are both somewhat unhappy at this point. The problems you have over this seem to be getting worse, instead of better. You both seem to have multiple issues involved, even though the surface issue looks simple. Counseling might help you both understand what is driving the choices you are each making and help you find a better way to work through this.

 

[Xtina]

Rhett&SarahsMom :

"Comfortably married"
Attitudes like that are why we are a unhealthy nation as a whole

Thanks, I felt like that when I read it too.

As far as sleep apnea goes, no, I brought it up to him that his stopping breathing was why I couldn't sleep the other night. He insists that he doesn't have sleep apnea and it was just because he was falling back to sleep after something had woken us both up. But I know I've listened to him stop breathing for years, whenever his weight and stress levels are up.

As far as couples counseling, no, we haven't been, but he's been going to counseling for himself. He just graduated and he's come a long way in just a few weeks, and even further in the time we've been together. I can honestly say he gets to be a better husband every day, but he had a bad upbringing which makes him always on the lookout for an attack by his loved ones, which is why he doesn't allow any kind of encouragement or cajoling from me on anything. It also probably has a lot to do with how he eats, because he was very poor as a kid and probably was hungry a lot. Maybe one day we'll go to couples counseling, but I feel like a man needs a break from constantly having to improve himself every once in a while.

And on a positive note, his cousin came to take him on a long bike ride today. If this keeps up, he might start to get into shape this summer! I can scarcely allow myself to hope because it's hurtful when he falls off the wagon again, but I'm happy he's trying.​

 

[New adventure]

I didn't read all the pages on this so maybe it's been mentioned already.
Along with the sleep apnea, does he also have restless leg syndrone? I was ready to shoot my DH for kicking me constantly at night, but once he got a CPAP machine for the SA he never kicks anymore. Now if he'd just quit "sleep eating" maybe he could lose some weight too.

 

[xfilesnumber1fan]

Quote:
I'd divorce you..... thats not obese, thats "comfortably married."

If he is 5'11 and weighs 200 he is alittle over weight and if he is 220 or 240 like she said he is obese!My husband is 6"1 at 240 and he is obese...



http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

 

[Xtina]

He sits really still all night in his sleep. He rarely moves at all.

And yes, I think a few people didn't understand the way I wrote about his weight. To clarify, my best guess is that he weighs 220, and at the very least, I know it is significantly more than 200. But I refuse to ask him how much he weighs because I don't think it's constructive. He rarely weighs himself so making him do it puts him on the spot, and knowing his weight seems to be more discouraging to him than not knowing it.

Thanks for agreeing with me that this IS obesity. I don't like it, I don't like thinking it, and I don't like saying it. But the truth is the truth.

 

[Chicken Rustler]

Let me start by asking forgiveness For not reading EVERY PAGE of this. But here is my .02 for what it's worth.
What is Obese ? Well if you go by what the med community says many of us are obese. However many people would be called obese but seen by others (self included) as things like a little over weight, pudgy plump,spherically challenged etc. I am 6' 236, I am not fat just too short for my weight.
I am not a beer drinker. Just because I don't like the flavor and would rather have an occasional drink of whiskey. But yes the beer will pack the weight on, among other issues.
Now to the exercise thing. My wife is a stroke victim, diabetic, has sleep apnea and has a weight problem. She has no motivation to do anything. I have found that the easiest way for me to get her to do any kind of "exercise" is to make it fun. Like instead of "let's go for a walk" I use things like "I'm going out to check on yer chickens and see if there's any eggs do you want to go" Or " I'm going to walk over to the stables and see (what ever) do you want to go". Of course my situation is a little different from yours as my wife due to the stroke swings from child to adult type behavior.
Yes it sounds like he may have sleep apnea and if he gets that under control (which is easy) he will be a different person.
I now it must be frustrating but IMO I would try very hard to work with him and be supportive and encouraging with out nagging (not saying you are). You may need to give a time frame and if he has not made any attempts to work with you by then look at other options. I know we all have our limits.
Also keep in mind if you leave this one what problems might the next one have. Could be worse.
Good luck Rob

I know I am not out of shape !!!! ROUND IS A SHAPE !!!!!

 

[Xtina]

BYCers, 4 years after I posted this thread about my husband's obesity, I have to strut around in pride, because my husband has dropped about 40 pounds! He's below 200 now and he's loving his new life and outlook. He's no string bean, certainly, and he's a bit daunted by how much farther he has to go in order to get the body that he wants, but he has made a huge lifestyle change and lost weight the healthy way. He is officially no longer obese and very close to not being considered overweight anymore! 16 more pounds and he won't be overweight either. Let me tell you how he did it.

Last spring, he got his first smartphone and downloaded a calorie counting app. At the same time, he got a job that requires just a tiny bit of moving around - not a lot by any means - just not a sedentary desk job anymore. He started counting calories religiously and setting small goals and the app helped him beat his goals every week since probably last April. He is looking great and had to buy new pants and even those pants are starting to sag off of him.

Using the app has forced him to realize the truth in some of the things I had been telling him all along. After the first few weeks, he exclaimed to me, "this app would be perfect if it didn't keep lying to me and saying things that we all know are untrue, like how you can have calories in liquid beverages!" He's totally quit brewing beer and now when he drinks he limits it to one or two at a time. I haven't seen a quart jar of beer in his hands in a very long time. He doesn't drink often and he's also stopped having so many milkshakes and ice cream. He's had to make healthier choices about carbs in order to stay full between meals.

He says that this whole thing hasn't been that painful at all. He just had to control his portions. He used to pile it onto his plate way too heavy, as I mentioned in this thread four years ago. He can still eat all the "junk" food that he used to like, like hamburgers, french fries, ice cream - he just has to keep it down to what a sane person would eat. His calorie needs have of course decreased with his weight. He can eat a normal food portion and not feel like he's starving to death. All he had to do was have access to an easy to use calorie tracker and that made all the difference in the world. Once he kept his calorie intake under control, the pounds just melted off faster than I could blink an eye. It's been amazing and relieving. I no longer think he's on the verge of diabetes. His bad knee doesn't ache like it used to. He's getting stronger and fitter by the day. This week, he decided he's going to take a break from the calorie app because he wants to see if he can reign it in without external support. If he doesn't lose weight over the next two weeks, he'll go back to using it.

I couldn't be happier or more proud, and I just wanted to recommend this path to anyone who is struggling with weight. It hasn't been very painful or restrictive, and it hasn't required huge exercise commitments out of him. Outside of walking up ladders at work or taking hikes maybe once a month, he gets no exercise. He just keeps the food in balance and he's losing tons of weight all the time.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

That is excellent to hear! I've never been obese, but when I'm overweight, it tends to correlate with stress. I have no way to know how much of the insomnia and lack of energy is from the stress, and how much is from the extra weight, but either way extra weight makes me feel anything but healthy and vibrant. It almost always correlates directly to bigger portion sizes, more processed foods, eating out more, and eating overly sweet foods that I can't actually stomach when I'm at a really healthy and fit weight (ie. Peppermint patties). When I'm fit and healthy, I find I crave foods that are fresh and good for me. When I'm overweight (and again, stressed), I crave junk food. Luckily, my husband and I tend to share the same habits, so when one of us starts going up in weight, we both do. Seems to make it easier to recognize what is happening and adjust our exercise or at least eating habits to get back to a healthy weight. Neither of us have ever been twigs, concerned with looks or societal ideals, or obsessed with health and dieting. But, neither of us like feeling like crap and seeing the other having issues ranging from cholesterol shooting up to circulatory problems. I think our nonchalance about looks is actually the reason why neither of us are sensitive about our weight. We're like, "oh wow, either the dryer had a field day, or it's time to cut back on the food". Which is something we pretty much said just tonight (timely thread), so we sat down earlier and planned out nutritious meals for this week and will watch our portions. Also, great excuse to go for more walks together. I do see some similarities between some of the comments on here, and comments I hear from people addicted to nicotine, alchohol, My Little House on the Prairie reruns, or what have you. Personal choices are very cool, but if they require denying factual information, they may not actually be true choices.

I'm so glad your husband is getting back to a healthy weight! That will help you both enjoy life and each other. Sleep apnea and diabetes are something almost every one of my friends and family is dealing with right now, either with their spouse/partner or themselves. Several though have overcome these issues just recently! Great to see things like this app offering up ways for people to lead the life they want to lead...no spousal nagging required. Wii sports (or maybe it is Wii fitness) is another one that can be fun and barely takes any time.

 

[sourland]

Well done on his part.

Calorie counting and increased physical activity work. My DIL has lost 40 + pounds in the past year with this regimen. No more blood pressure issues and her energy level is sky high. She was always resistant to 'diets' , but when health isses forced her to make some changes and she saw the results she embraced the process.