Cemetery Headstone question...

[Spookwriter]

This uncle was a part of my life always. In my growing up years, he
lived with in the house with us from time to time. One reason or another
after I married, e spent some years in my home.

Only in the last five-six years of his life that he didn't live with us.

So yes...This man mattered to me.

It isn't the exactly the money. I can certainly buy a cheaper flat stone if that's
what this was really about. Or buy a bigger fancier stone if that's what I wanted.
The stone itself isn't going to change one iota of the love I had for my uncle.

Pineapple Mama brings up the very question I've been asking myself. Am I focusing
on the rock itself? And thats exactly right. If I focus solely on the stone itself, regardless
of why, then I'm wrong in what I'm doing.

As headstones go, this is certainly a nice stone. Nice size, nice shape. And a bargain price.

But I'm not doing this to please myself. To please my Mother, to please my aunt. That is the
intention. And they both agree with the stone.

At the same time, I need to please myself.

Advantages?

Stone is in stock, fiifteen minutes away from my home.

All their work is done in-house.

I will have a final proof before the stone is cut.

Pay tomorrow, stone is guaranteed in place by Labor Day.

My own Mother is old...frail. I want her to see her brothers stone.
75 years old, time is a commodity beginning to run short.

Disadvantage?

No real disadvantage, unless it's the four inch issue. And I really think
that's just with me. Everybody else likes the stone.


I'll sleep on it one more night. Pray for direction.


To all those that replied, I thank you. Pineapple Mama, I really think I
needed to hear your words.

**Uncle was not a veteran.

 

[saddina]

Go with the four inches, if anyone is crazy enough to complain, offer to give them a stone of thier own as well.

~Saddi, who thinks grieving family should get to sock people who act petty after a loved one has passed.

 

[sourland]

Keep it simple. The stone as you described it sounds perfect.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

It sounds to me like you are using the headstone as an expression of your love for your uncle. And that is okay. It also sounds like this is a part of your grief process, and that making this final decision takes him out of your life...and that is why you are uncertain. Once you've made the decision, it is over; he's gone.

The thing is, he was a part of your life, and will always be a part of your life: your memories of him, his feelings for you and your family; his words and interests. He made an impact on the person you are, and because of that, he is and will always be a part of you.

 

[PineappleMama]

Thing about focusing on the stone... you have to ask WHY.
I was thinking more about any cranky relatives when I mentioned that, but could apply to you too I reckon.

If it's because you're hurting and thinking about your Unc is too much, so you focus on a task to get you through until the wound is healing a little... well then take your time.

If the person is focusing on it simply because they're into appearances and don't want to 'look bad' then don't let their opinions bother you.

You know your Unc, you know whether is would matter. I'm leaning towards not since he didn't bother letting anyone know he had a preference. Most folks who have a decided opinion about these things let someone know... in a general talk, or getting it in their will, or even taking care of it in advance. But, as I said, he's YOUR Unc, so you do what feels right to you for this man that you loved.

And, if in the future you want to do more then you can... you (or others) could always have another stone made, or add extra detail work to this one, it's a rock and it's not going anywhere. You do what you need to to get this settled for now so you can start healing.