Coronavirus, Covid 19 Discussion and How It Has Affected Your Daily Life Chat Thread

[SnapdragonQ]

Thanks, Snappy. I'm okay. It's been a real roller coaster here for the last two weeks. Testing was fine - everyone's negative & still healthy. Our troubles came from another front. DD had issues with a suicidal boyfriend - and having dealt with his mother, I now know why! I "talked him down," and called child protection, but "Mom" lied and he just nodded numbly along, so HE got a lecture on crying wolf and a rap on the knuckles for "causing all this trouble." Except now, for some reason, it's all MY fault? I not only "blew it all out of proportion" but apparently I am now responsible for ruining his dreams of the military. This is he same military that she canceled his testing for because she didn't feel like driving him there, that particular day and the same military that generally frowns upon suicidal people handling heavy firearms. I've done all I can for the poor kid. If he's going to lie to the authorities for her, I can't keep pushing. I have the text he wrote about joining his father in the afterlife, so I know I'm not over-reacting - but apparently I "made that up," too. This is breaking my heart!

Oh no! I figured something big was up!
I'm so sorry! Are you and DD ok?

 

[MROO]

Oh no! I figured something big was up!
I'm so sorry! Are you and DD ok?

We're okay. Not good, but okay. His crazy mother has banned him from seeing or speaking to either of us big bad nasty people, but somehow he's finding a way to talk to DD. She's a mess, but really, REALLY angry at his mother. And he sounds awful - so brainwashed that even his voice sounds different. How in the world she can totally screw up a kid then get him to think it's all his fault ... while blaming others at the same time, is beyond me. I just want to go get him, but he's not 18, yet. I've already been told I'd be arrested for kidnapping, even if he came willingly. Okay. She wins ... for now. I just hope he gets smart come his 18th birthday. He knows how to reach us.
And I know it sounds like a minor thing, but Covid is screwing this up, too. We can't even go meet him for a bit to talk, maybe get some ice cream and let the two kids blow off steam - PA is still "closed," at least around his place. I am so full of hate and disgust and disillusionment that I haven't left my house for three days. Not even to play with my birds. That is SO not like me that I'm scaring my kids ... and myself.
I want my Mommy. For REAL!

 

[cheepteach]

MROO- the mother is in denial--if you know the source for the depression, can you help from that end? But most importantly, keep talking to your daughter. Don't let her feel his life is her responsibility

 

[MROO]

MROO- the mother is in denial--if you know the source for the depression, can you help from that end? But most importantly, keep talking to your daughter. Don't let her feel his life is her responsibility

Gee, where t start:

• His father died when he was only eight - a work accident
• Mother got hold of kid's accidental death benefits - spent them on cruises, a houseful of furniture, and bariatric, tubal ligation surgery.
• Father's parents got angry because she spent most of the "inheritance" Tied up the last 9K in a trust.
• Mom denied kid access to paternal grandparents (complications there, too much to go into, here)
• Mom gets mad because kid misses father. "Loses" father's ashes and journal entries pertaining to grief. Not allowed to cry on death anniversary (witnessed the last, first hand!)
• Stepfather hits kid. Kid told to lie the police so stepfather doesn't lose his job and they all "become poor and homeless.)
• Mother wants to have child with stepfather (note the previous tubal) Goes through in vitro, hormone therapies and surgeries to correct "problems." Three failures. All directly blamed on Kid because he "caused her so much stress."
• When "grounded," not allowed to move from kitchen island - watched with cameras all day when parents at work. Also watched when DD is visiting to make sure nothing is "going on," - Her - 18, Him 17+.
• Can't afford medical insurance (despite having SS benefits for Kid) but spent several $K to book Sam Groh for a Get-Rich_quick concert to be her in her back yard.
• Not much food in house, but kids can't cook anyway because they're not "allowed" to use Mom's pots and pans. DD spent a week there - the three kids fixed pbj's and one-at-a-time waffles on his little sister's kid-safe waffle iron while parents ate take-out from Rutter's - none for the kids.
• Shall I go on? There isn't enough space or time here to list everything. Like how she got so mad at him for calling a girlfriend when he was "grounded" that she dragged him out of his job, making him lose it - and holding onto to all his paychecks from his current job without cashing them. I've contacted social services and CASA (Court Appointed Child Advocates) but unless he actually makes an attempt or breaks down and tells the truth to the police and social services, they can't/won't do a doggone thing. Mom lies to them and I am now down as a loony causing them problems.

Oh .. this woman's a piece of work, she is. It's a wonder the kid didn't make an attempt earlier. I am SO afraid for him!

I am sorry this is so long. I am just so frustrated - and here I sit, stuck inside with the rest of the world, sitting on my thumbs while a kid I know and care about crumbles to pieces just an hour - and a state border - away. He might as well be in Tanzania, for all I can do to help.
Please. Pray for Josh.

 

[cheepteach]

how horrible!! all you can do is hope he will reach out for help, or get the courage to leave when he turns 18. It is easier to have an abused animal taken out of a bad home than someone's child.

 

[SnapdragonQ]

We're okay. Not good, but okay. His crazy mother has banned him from seeing or speaking to either of us big bad nasty people, but somehow he's finding a way to talk to DD. She's a mess, but really, REALLY angry at his mother. And he sounds awful - so brainwashed that even his voice sounds different. How in the world she can totally screw up a kid then get him to think it's all his fault ... while blaming others at the same time, is beyond me. I just want to go get him, but he's not 18, yet. I've already been told I'd be arrested for kidnapping, even if he came willingly. Okay. She wins ... for now. I just hope he gets smart come his 18th birthday. He knows how to reach us.
And I know it sounds like a minor thing, but Covid is screwing this up, too. We can't even go meet him for a bit to talk, maybe get some ice cream and let the two kids blow off steam - PA is still "closed," at least around his place. I am so full of hate and disgust and disillusionment that I haven't left my house for three days. Not even to play with my birds. That is SO not like me that I'm scaring my kids ... and myself.
I want my Mommy. For REAL!

It does not sound like a minor thing at all.
Might not help right now, but kids from totally screwed up families can figure out how to get away when the time is right and go to become somewhat normal adults. Be it by text, email, whatever keep letting him know you guys are there for him. Sometimes a glimmer of hope or light is all that is needed for a kid to hold on and get through the storm.
(Ok, after the recent floods probably a bad way to say that...)

As for you, obviously your heart is in the right place and you and DD keep being strong and being that light he needs. It does make a difference.
Holler/pm on the backside if there is anything I can do, if you need to vent more, or just need a shoulder. I'm here.

 

[SnapdragonQ]

Gee, where t start:

• His father died when he was only eight - a work accident
• Mother got hold of kid's accidental death benefits - spent them on cruises, a houseful of furniture, and bariatric, tubal ligation surgery.
• Father's parents got angry because she spent most of the "inheritance" Tied up the last 9K in a trust.
• Mom denied kid access to paternal grandparents (complications there, too much to go into, here)
• Mom gets mad because kid misses father. "Loses" father's ashes and journal entries pertaining to grief. Not allowed to cry on death anniversary (witnessed the last, first hand!)
• Stepfather hits kid. Kid told to lie the police so stepfather doesn't lose his job and they all "become poor and homeless.)
• Mother wants to have child with stepfather (note the previous tubal) Goes through in vitro, hormone therapies and surgeries to correct "problems." Three failures. All directly blamed on Kid because he "caused her so much stress."
• When "grounded," not allowed to move from kitchen island - watched with cameras all day when parents at work. Also watched when DD is visiting to make sure nothing is "going on," - Her - 18, Him 17+.
• Can't afford medical insurance (despite having SS benefits for Kid) but spent several $K to book Sam Groh for a Get-Rich_quick concert to be her in her back yard.
• Not much food in house, but kids can't cook anyway because they're not "allowed" to use Mom's pots and pans. DD spent a week there - the three kids fixed pbj's and one-at-a-time waffles on his little sister's kid-safe waffle iron while parents ate take-out from Rutter's - none for the kids.
• Shall I go on? There isn't enough space or time here to list everything. Like how she got so mad at him for calling a girlfriend when he was "grounded" that she dragged him out of his job, making him lose it - and holding onto to all his paychecks from his current job without cashing them. I've contacted social services and CASA (Court Appointed Child Advocates) but unless he actually makes an attempt or breaks down and tells the truth to the police and social services, they can't/won't do a doggone thing. Mom lies to them and I am now down as a loony causing them problems.

Oh .. this woman's a piece of work, she is. It's a wonder the kid didn't make an attempt earlier. I am SO afraid for him!

I am sorry this is so long. I am just so frustrated - and here I sit, stuck inside with the rest of the world, sitting on my thumbs while a kid I know and care about crumbles to pieces just an hour - and a state border - away. He might as well be in Tanzania, for all I can do to help.
Please. Pray for Josh.

Wow. Jut wow. Praying for Josh, you, and DD!

 

[IamRainey]

I haven't been in this thread for a long time and I don't know what the etiquette of jumping back in is, but if this kid is still under 18 there should be child welfare authorities who could jump in.

If he's close to 18 and there's some safe alternative place for him to live -- like those paternal grandparents -- he could apply to be emancipated.

If you have reason to believe he's in danger from them or from himself provide that information to the proper authorities. And if you know how to contact the paternal grandparents, maybe they'd be allies on their grandson's behalf.

His school should be able to point you to the authorities who would intervene and they may have seem some of the same jeopardy you have and be able to support his case.

 

[cheepteach]

it seems that he doesn't have the courage to tell authorities the truth about his treatment by his mother.

 

[MROO]

It does not sound like a minor thing at all.
Might not help right now, but kids from totally screwed up families can figure out how to get away when the time is right and go to become somewhat normal adults. Be it by text, email, whatever keep letting him know you guys are there for him. Sometimes a glimmer of hope or light is all that is needed for a kid to hold on and get through the storm.
(Ok, after the recent floods probably a bad way to say that...)

As for you, obviously your heart is in the right place and you and DD keep being strong and being that light he needs. It does make a difference.
Holler/pm on the backside if there is anything I can do, if you need to vent more, or just need a shoulder. I'm here.

I know the resilience of abused kids all too well - first-hand. Unfortunately, I also know how hard it is to make that initial break and how painful the realization that it really wasn't your fault, after all, can be.
I have a paraphrased quote from the CA wildfire reports a few years ago that keeps me going.
God helps you get through the flames. Then, He'll help you sift through the ashes and build your life again.