Unfortunately there is some bleed over, enough to make it confusing. That's no excuse to take it out on you.
Can he get a different job? I quit my job at the end of the year and am mentally resting from it.
Unfortunately he's been at this job for a long time and has only considered quitting as retiring. It offers a full medical plan after you retire for both you and your spouse. So he could financially retire early before he reaches the age rank.
That's been known for a long time. Not hard for any fool to look at the data.
I know y’all are still newly weds but have been together for a long time. Not excusing his behavior, it sounds like “normal” stuff, and you are right in that you are a team, not his enemy. This will sound old school, but is it happened *right* when he comes home from work? Or has he been home a while. One thing that I’ve learned from various marriage seminars, books, etc. is the concept that a man (really people) need some decompress time. If it’s when he comes right home for work, try giving him 30 mins before (“bombarding”) approaching him. I will also say usually when there is a point of contention it’s not so much about changing the other person but changing yourself. I would challenge the mentality of “when he’s not at the same academic level as myself.” Even if that is a true statement it puts off an appearance of being prideful. Are you looking at your husband as your equal/partner or are you elevating yourself above him and viewing him as someone you need to control/fix/take care of/etc. obviously in relationships it’s a lot of give and take. I would recommended if you didn’t do premarital counseling that you seek out marital counseling (not because your relationship is broken but because it’s a learning curve, there will be growing pains, and it will help you both navigate expectations as you grow as a now married couple).
Sound advice. I suppose I am being a little prideful. I wouldnt say he doesnt have time to decompress. Especially yesterday because he was home a whole hour before I arrived home. He just gets in a mood like he wants to fight over anything. Its like he just wants to be angry or have something to be angry about. When I point this out to him he reflects inward instead of outward i.e. at me. Then he calms down and we're good. I think the problem is hes not expressing his frustrations with work to me so instead hes doing so AT me. Perhaps he doesnt feel heard or perhaps I'm not bringing it up properly or I'm shutting it down without considering his vulnerability. I can definitely tell when he had a good day at work versus a bad day. Either way its a two way street. I suppose I have to listen more and talk less and he has to talk more and express himself in a constructive way. Its just frustrating that I seem to have to be the voice of reason when hes being unreasonable. Hes stressed about a lot and covid isnt helping at all. Hes mad that people at work arent doing their job, mad about masking, mad about mandates, mad about taxes...just mad. He puts so much pressure on himself. I really wish there was something I could do to pull him out of this rut but I'm not sure where to begin
Don’t count on that. My DH and I had that. City of Stockton declared bankruptcy and all our contracts were void. Here i am paying 700 dollars a month for crappy insurance. The state of the economy now I wouldn’t put any stock into having lifetime medical with any job.
Maybe start a 'ninjas marriage problems' thread and leave this one for COVID?
