Could yall read/edit my paper for school?

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by first time farmer, Jun 1, 2010.

  1. first time farmer

    first time farmer Songster

    582
    0
    149
    Dec 31, 2008
    New Hampshire
    Here is my final essay for my Global studies class. It is a combined english and history class. The assignment was to write a paper on what book we thought was the most significant we read. I chose Animal Farm by George Orwell
    Thank you!

    Liam Cashin
    Laflamme/Fitzpatrick
    Global Studies Psp
    June 2, 2010


    Final Essay
    Animal Farm by George Orwell is the most important novel of the year because it shows how a perfectly normal society can be torn apart by one person or one group of people and his use of animals portrays how the consequences can rip apart what is left of the normal society. In Animal Farm, Orwell uses a barnyard as his setting to show the effects of a take over. By using the animals Orwell can tell the story with out offending some one and since it is a fictional story it helps people to understand the hard times and the bad things that happen to the farm because of the power switch.

    In the first chapter of the novel Orwell portrays a picture of a farm owned by a man named Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones is a very heavy drinker and neglects the animals to the point where they revolt against him. The most respected pig on the farm Major tells the other animals that they should rebel against the humans and run the farm on there own. The animals rebel and run Mr Jones off the farm which is then left under the command of Napoleon and Snowball two younger pigs. The animals rename the farm "Animal Farm." The animals even paint the seven commandments on the wall of the barn the seventh being the most important, all animals are equal. During the course of the novel we see that this is untrue. This relates to what we have learned in class this year. For example when Hitler or Stalin took control of their countries they took advantage of bad situations and said they could make them better just as the pigs did in the novel. The use of animals make this easier to understand in my mind which is my main reason for choosing this book.

    As the story in the novel progresses we see how what was supposed to be a communist like government turn into a democracy then into a dictatorship. When the animals first took over the farm they worked it as a almost communist like society. However as things happen in the book Napoleon slowly starts taking totally control. The far turns into a dictatorship when Napoleon has his dogs (which he acquired by taking the dogs puppies and training them in private) chase Snowball off the farm for "stealing" his idea for a windmill which we know is untrue. Once Snowball is gone he becomes a scapegoat for anything that Napoleon does not like on the farm. When the windmill is knocked down in a storm he blames Snowball. After this he starts killing animals that he suspects to be talking to Snowball. When Trujillo ruled the Dominican Republic he killed people he though were going against him. Orwell uses Napoleon as a metaphor to human dictators.

    This book is my favorit book that we read this year in Global Studies. The authors use of animals got me intrested in the novel more then any other book that we read. The book was a fairly easy read and I enjoyed it. Through out the novel I felt I got to know the charecters. I also feel that the novel is not just relovent to one specfic time peroid but that it is significant to all time peroids and that Orwell hit the head on the when he wrote this book to comment on the human race and the governments that run it.

    Orwell's use of farm animals in the novel Animal Farm helps people understand his comentary on human society. The animals let people understand the effects of a dictatorship such as hitlers or stalins and help to not offend anyone when Napoleon has animals killed for going against him. The barnyard setting and the government set up by the pigs then taken over by one sole pig shows how a utopia can spiral into something it was never supposed to be.
     
  2. SmartyChick

    SmartyChick An Official Milkmaid

    Oct 19, 2009
    Sullivan County NY
    [​IMG] wow, great essay
    You did a great job describing the story, for an audience that hasn't read the book. It sounds like a very interesting book. I like how you gave your opinion on why you liked the novel and how it made you feel.
    One word of caution though. I noticed some punctuation missing (like commas ect) and some minor spelling. I like to read mine out loud and catch all the mistakes that way.
    all in all [​IMG]
     
  3. Quote:I agree with that [​IMG]
     
  4. Cindiloohoo

    Cindiloohoo Quiet as a Church Mouse

    7,470
    22
    253
    Dec 19, 2009
    Southwest TN
    Use spell check, and make sure your grammar is correct. You have a good basic draft, but it needs tweaked a bit to get a good grade.
     
  5. first time farmer

    first time farmer Songster

    582
    0
    149
    Dec 31, 2008
    New Hampshire
    Thank you very much! I did do spell check after I posted it on here so most of that is fixed I am going to have my girlfriend look at it to (she is goo at this kind of stuff lol) so with your help and hers this should be my best essay yet [​IMG]
     
  6. patnjess

    patnjess Songster

    556
    3
    129
    Apr 2, 2010
    hey I made some changes using Word, and have comments section to fix it, but duh, BYC doesn't have a download section. I can email it...but thats about it.
    I will try and copy but it doesn't seem to copy all my comments.

    yep just tried...grrrrr....and I took time!
     
  7. dot n'dave

    dot n'dave Songster

    271
    1
    121
    Jan 11, 2010
    CT
    Great job!
    I'm so glad you're doing this report, if only more students would read this book and understand that that is not the right way to live.
     
  8. Spookwriter

    Spookwriter Crowing

    4,421
    222
    271
    Feb 23, 2010
    Ohio
    Overall, not a bad summary on the book. I've made a comment or two
    in the text, but I'm not really into editing your work without changing
    your thoughts. As with anything your write, watch for mistakes. Always
    read it backto yourself.

    Named by Time Magzine as one of the Best 100 Novels, Animal Farm is
    in the genre called Dystopian Literature : It explores the social and
    political structures of a time. The exact time is Pre-Stalin Soviet Union
    Russia. Animal Farm has gone on to win the 1996 Hugo Award for
    Retrospective Science Fiction.








    Final Essay


    Animal Farm (writen between 1943-1945) by George Orwell is (was)
    the most important novel of the year (to me) because it shows how a
    perfectly normal society can be torn apart by one person or one group
    of people (some ideal missing here? People doing what, how?) and his
    use of animals portrays how the consequences can rip apart what is left
    of the normal society. (and just what is a "normal" society?) In Animal Farm,
    Orwell uses (used) a barnyard as his setting to show the effects of a take
    over. By using the (delete the) animals Orwell can tell the story with out
    offending some one (change some one to "people")and since it is a fictional
    story it helps people to understand the hard times and the bad things that
    (MAY) happen to the farm because of the power switch. (I'll go back to that
    MAY at the end)

    In the first chapter of the novel Orwell portrays a picture of a farm
    owned by a man named Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones is a very heavy drinker and
    neglects the animals to the point where they revolt against him. The most
    respected pig on the farm Major tells the other animals that they should
    rebel against the humans and run the farm on there own. The animals
    (listen to Major and) rebel and (dropand run, insert running) run Mr Jones
    off (of) the farm which is then left under the command of Napoleon and
    Snowball two younger pigs. (What happened to Major here?) The animals
    rename the farm "Animal Farm." The animals even paint the seven comm-
    andments on the wall of the barn the seventh being the most important,
    all animals are equal. During the course of the novel we see that this is
    untrue. (How and why?) This relates to what we have learned in class this
    year. (Again, how and why?) For example when Hitler or Stalin took control
    of their countries they took advantage of bad situations and said they could
    make them better just as the pigs did in the novel. The use of animals make
    this easier to understand in my mind which is my main reason for choosing
    this book. (You know of course that Adolf Hilter was nominated for a Nobel
    Peace Prize in 1939, but did not win. Nor did Hilter actually
    want World War. And there exists the "Stalin Peace Prize.)

    As the story in the novel (we know the story is in the novel...please delete)
    progresses we see how what was supposed to be a communist like government
    turn into a democracy then into a dictatorship. When the animals first took over
    the farm they worked it as a almost communist like society. (Mr. Jones had his
    own form of goverment on the farm in place before the animals first overthrew
    him.) However as things happen in the book Napoleon slowly starts taking totally
    control. The far turns into a dictatorship when Napoleon has his dogs (which he
    acquired by taking the dogs puppies and training them in private) chase Snowball
    off the farm for "stealing" his idea for a windmill which we know is untrue. Once
    Snowball is gone he becomes a scapegoat for anything that Napoleon does not
    like on the farm. When the windmill is knocked down in a storm he blames Snow-
    ball. After this he starts killing animals that he suspects to be talking to Snowball.
    When Trujillo ruled the Dominican Republic he killed people he though were going
    against him. Orwell uses Napoleon as a metaphor to human dictators. (Help me?
    I don't remember. On what page of Animal Farm is Trujillo mentioned? If Trujillo
    isn't mentioned in the book, he doesn't go here.)

    This book is my favorit book that we read this year in Global Studies. The
    authors use of animals got me intrested (interested me...not got me interested)
    in the novel more then any other book that we read. The book was a fairly easy
    read and I enjoyed it. Through out the novel I felt I got to know the charecters.
    I also feel that the novel is not just relovent to one specfic time peroid but that
    it is significant to all time peroids and that Orwell hit the head on the when he
    wrote this book to comment on the human race and the governments that run it.

    Orwell's use of farm animals in the novel Animal Farm helps people understand his
    comentary on human society. The animals let people understand the effects of a
    dictatorship such as hitlers or stalins and help to not offend anyone when Napoleon
    has animals killed for going against him. The barnyard setting and the government
    set up by the pigs then taken over by one sole pig shows how a utopia can spiral
    into something it was never supposed to be.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Now I'll go back to my early MAY.

    If a person was to judge the ideals of Animal Farm only from your words, ALL
    revolution is to be bad, bringing hard times and bad things upon the
    people. I'm not sure that's exactly a true statement. George Washington,
    Thomas Jefferson, John Adams led America in a revolution against
    England. A point I feel you failed to mention is the corruption of leaders.

    The corruption of goverment is NEVER a good thing. But what causes
    this corruption, what allows it to happen? The answer is in the book.
    And it has brought down goverment after goverment. Orwell gave seven
    sins. But he left out indifference, ignorance, greed and myopia from the
    common people.

    Without people, no nation can stand.


    What is a normal society? Where is a normal society? Normal in my world
    may not be normal in your world. I have Amish neighbors. They are quite
    happy in their world. And they don't want to be a part of my world.

    Liam, nothing I've said was meant to hurt your feelings. You've presented
    a quite nice essay all on your own. If any suggestion I've made helps you,
    feel free to use it. Or feel free to disregard any point I've tried to make.
    You've written your essay in your own words.

    Good Job !
     
  9. unionwirewoman

    unionwirewoman Songster

    788
    9
    151
    Sep 14, 2007
    Kalispell , MT
    Depending on what grade you're in ....nice job . You have put some thought into your paper , obviously read the book , and have come up with a good essay . This will get you a B if you're not in highschool . If you are in highschool.......think sentence structure (ie...commas , spelling , depth ) . I'm so glad that you thought to share it with us . Not too many kids would think to edit on line ! My SD showed me her essay that she turned in last week....wish she would have showed me it before it was turned in !!! Texting and "computer talk " does NOT translate into real words !!! You is spelled you....not U ! Drives me insane ! Good job though !
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2010

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by