Dad Jokes😂

[Smoked Brisket]

I went to the Emergency Room and told the nurse I was bit by a wolf.
She said "Where?" I said "No. Regular"

She is still staring at me.

 

[Smoked Brisket]

me: Waiter, my soup is cold.

Waiter: It's Gazpacho.

Me: Gazpacho, my soup is cold.

 

[Smoked Brisket]

You heard about the new resturant on the moon?

No, how is it?

Food is good but no atmosphere.

 

[Smoked Brisket]

Me: "Change is inedible!"

Him: You mean "Change is inevitable."

Me: (spitting out several nickels) "I do not."

 

[Smoked Brisket]

I was once kidnapped by mimes.

They did unspeakable things to me.

 

[Smoked Brisket]

I wonder if the guy who coined the term 'One hit wonder' ever came up with some other memorable phrases?

 

[Smoked Brisket]

 

[HennyComb]

5 stolen from the Living Waters podcast

How much does a roof cost?
Nothing. It's on the house.

My wife Traumatically ripped the covers off me last night...
But I will recover.

Who was the builder of King Arthur's round table ?
Sir Cumference.

A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender says: "What can I get you?"
"Pop." goes the weasel.

I stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun was.
And then it dawned on me.

I accidentally drank invisible ink.
I'm now in the hospital waiting to be seen.

I've decided I want a pet termite. I'm going to name him:
Clint Eats Wood.

 

[Smoked Brisket]

8 year old me would be so mad if he saw how many times I walked by a gumball machine with change in my pockets.

 

[Smoked Brisket]

A King and a Queen walk into a bar and the bartender says
"Sorry. Your not 21."