Darwin awards

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Chirpy, Dec 9, 2007.

  1. Chirpy

    Chirpy Balderdash

    May 24, 2007
    Date: Tue, 27 Nov 2007 07:57:52 -0700


    Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when The Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

    Here is the glorious Winner:

    1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked!

    And now, the Honourable Mentions:

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The claim was approved.

    3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a near by bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an on coming train. When asked how he received the wounds he said he was trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    6. A man walked into a Lousiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID ... to which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

    9. The Ann Arbour News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 a.m., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.


    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

    In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of these10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost. http://www.windowslive.com?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_Wave2_powerofwindows_112007> >

    Hope you got some good laughs...
  2. speckledhen

    speckledhen Intentional Solitude

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
  3. TxChiknRanchers

    TxChiknRanchers Songster

    Aug 18, 2007
    Southeast Texas

    I love these things I look forward every year for these to come out. Its natures way of thinning the herd sometimes!! [​IMG]
  4. jeaucamom

    jeaucamom Songster

    Oct 1, 2007
    Ophir, CA
    Excuse me while I go change, cuz I just peed from laughing so hard [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
  5. carugoman

    carugoman Songster

    Nov 8, 2007
    NW FL Crestview
    too bad that these are 2006's Darwin awards;which brings up another corollary to Murphy's Law:Stupid people should not be permitted to breed!
  6. jjthink

    jjthink Crowing

    Jan 17, 2007
    New Jersey
    I always hope that the Darwin awards are fiction (by all reason they should be!) but I find myself fearing they may well be true! [​IMG] I can only hope those that survive their folly do not breed. [​IMG] Here's to free "spay/neuters" for all Darwin award recipients!
    It's hard to go back to work when it's so much fun reading darwinawards.com!

    Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by removing themselves from it.

    Mole Hunt
    2006 Darwin Award Nominee
    Confirmed True by Darwin
    (10 January 2007, East Germany) A 63-year-old man's extraordinary effort to eradicate a mole from his property resulted in a probable victory for the mole. The man had pounded several metal rods into the ground and connected them to a high-voltage power line, with the intent of rendering the subterranean realm uninhabitable.
    Incidentally, the maneuver electrified the very ground he stood upon. He was found dead at his holiday property on the Baltic Sea. Police had to trip the main circuit breaker before venturing onto the property.

    The precise date of the sexagenarian's demise could not be ascertained, but the electricity bill may provide a clue.

    Original Submission

    Crook Holds Up Gun Shop

    2007 Reader Submission
    Pending Acceptance
    In New Zealand recently a man decided he needed a gun. The best way to get one would be to steal one from a gun store.
    Having no actual gun himself, he decided to use a machete to threaten the clerk.

    He entered the store, brandishing the machete. He reportedly screamed "Give me a gun or I'll kill you!" before being shot in the stomach by the clerk.

    Although he didn't die, this certainly merits a mention for stupidity.

    The clerk was sent to court by the police, but was aquitted on grounds of self-defence.

    Submitted on 06/20/2007
  7. silkiechicken

    silkiechicken Staff PhD

    Hahaha, those are hilarious! But I thought the Darwin Awards went to those who removed themselves from the gene pool?
  8. joanm

    joanm Songster

    May 13, 2007
  9. CarriBrown

    CarriBrown Crowing

    Quote:The failures just get "honorable" mention. [​IMG]
  10. McGoo

    McGoo Songster

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] True stuff is always the funniest! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] Thanks so much for the laugh!

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