Did I just screw up?? (very long)

[babylady4]

First off, cut yourself some slack. You are one of the bravest people I know of; if he would like to contact you then he will and if he does not right now, just accept it. I would think that he would like to talk with you though, if not now then in the future. Don't beat yourself up, you did the very best thing possible for your kids....

My heart bleeds for you..... and of course;

 

[Eggs4Sale]

I'm sorry the family doesn't like the idea of you being in his life. Did they know the story of what you went through? Or do they think you were a druggie or something?

I just realized he may have put his full name on there to try to get in contact with his brother, or with his mother, or both of you. Even if he doesn't contact you right away, he will be thinking about it incessantly and will likely eventually try to contact you. With that in mind, keep that facebook account active for eternity.

It makes me wonder if his parents have been casting you in a bad light all these years, or discouraging any talk of you at all. At the age he was when they took him, you'd think that would be old enough to remember if Mom was good or bad. That should color his judgement of you more than what they do or don't say. He probably remembers more than anything the pain of being taken away from you.

 

[key west chick]

Big hugs. I would have done the same thing. My DH adopted my DD nearly 16 years ago. She never knew her bio dad. I was always open with her about him. Even though she loves DH and he's her dad, I figured someday she would want to meet him. She did about 6 months ago and they are building a relationship now. Like I told her, don't expect much. It can go either way. He was thrilled she wanted to meet him. No matter how hard it is, and no matter how much you want to grab him and squeeze him and never let go, don't, unless you think its what he wants too. DD was so nervous meeting him, I think if he had tried to give her a big hug she would have freaked. Go at his speed, not yours. Take things slowly. Good luck!

 

[horsejody]

If he does respond to you, don't give him all of the details of your past until after he talks to his parents. Just say something like, "I'm glad you let me in as a friend. Talk to your mom and dad and ask them if it's OK to correspond with me." That takes you off the hook. The more open he is with his parents, the better.

 

[Eggs4Sale]

Quote:
Good advise.

I know, though, that seems like a deal killer, because his parents may very well say "No way." But it's the proper thing to do.

I hate 'proper' sometimes.

 

[Hoosiermomma]

Quote:
I agree too. This will all work itself out. Just try and be patient.

 

[shelleyd2008]

Still haven't heard anything, maybe tomorrow

Thanks all for your kindness, you have no idea how many times I've been condemned for my decision. So many people have asked me 'don't you LOVE your children' (ex's mom), or said 'There's no way I could ever give up my kids, I don't see how anyone could do that', or have thought I was on drugs, or other stupid things like that. I gave them up because I loved them, not because I didn't want them anymore. It makes me feel good that you all can see that.

Jesse was either almost 7 or almost 8 the last time I saw him, I can't really remember right now. It seems he was almost 8, so that would be about 7 years ago. He was plenty old enough to remember how things were and to remember me. Jonathan is the one I worry more about, he was only 4 when they were taken, and only 6 the last time I saw him.

As far as I know, they are supposed to be kept in contact with each other, as well as their grandparents. This was set-up as a condition of their adoptions. My ex's parents were having them over on the weekends for a while, once or twice a month the last I heard. My dad is too much of a jerk to go see them, but that's a whole different can of worms there. I wish he (my dad) would have kept in contact with them, at least then he could tell me how they're doing. But that didn't happen, so one loss there.

Hopefully I'll hear from him tomorrow. As some of you mentioned, why else would he have his birth name on his profile? Not only that, but his middle name as well? I don't know anyone that does that, unless they 'go by' their first and middle name...Jesse does not. I'm sure he wanted someone to find him that might not know his adopted last name. It would have to be family, he didn't have any friends at that age, not any that he would remember anyways.

I just hope that I'm the one he is wanting to find him, and that I hear back from him

I miss them so much, I've been crying all night and day just from telling my story. I try not to think about them too much, it always upsets me. I wish I had some updated pics of them, I often wonder if I'd even recognize them if I saw them on the street?

Thanks again all, for your support

 

[byoung14ever]

I think you did the right thing and have a story for you. My mother left me and my sister when we were 2 and one . I had no contact or any way to find her.My dad protected us from her so we never spoke about it but my sister and I always had something missing. When I was 16 my mother found me riding my bike in town and introduced herself to me. What a shock. Dad freaked but came around and we developed a relationship that continues today(24 years) I was so glad she took the time to find us the past did not matter. She still has issues but is a good person and deserves the love and respect of a mother. Now here this. My daughter and her mother(my ex) left for california 7 years ago out of the blue. I had visitation rights and paid my support and saw her at least once a month.Her mom and I were like oil and water!!! I have not heard from her since they moved. Not a day goes by I don't think of her. I found her on facebook two weeks ago and left her a message saying I was glad to see she was doing good and I missed heras i cried onto my computer. I offered to fly her home for a visit to stay with me or grandparents as long or short a time as she wanted. I told her I loved her and was proud of her. I asked her to drop a line just to say hi if she wanted but not to feel obligated.She is 21 now. I guess i relate to both sides of your story. I feel your pain but also realize for a child this is a scary step to make. I hope every day she will contact me but no luck so far. I just wanted her to know I am here and always will be with open arms. Thats all we can do. God bless you for trying and I will pray for you to have some peace of mind over this. Brad

 

[byoung14ever]

This is the letter I sent. Feel free to get some ideas from it and hope the best for you. Still no reply for me but she has not logged on since I sent this to her.

Let me start by saying I love you and miss you!!!! You look like you have grown into a beautiful woman just as I figured. I hope you are doing well. I would love to hear from you. I don't know what happened but all that matters to me is you are doing o.k. I know that your mom and I have not got along well in the past but I have never stopped loving you and wanting to be a part of your life. If you could give me a call sometime You would make me the happiest person on earth!! I think about you every day. Just finding you on here brings me to tears missing you. I talked to Erin on facebook and she pointed me this way and here you are. I would love for you to come home for a visit if you would like sometime.I will pay for a plane ticket home and back anytime you wish. You could stay with us or Grandma or Dakota has her own place and would love to see you also. Kim and I are getting married in a couple of weeks!! Well I hope to hear from you Charity I have always loved you and always will. You are my only Child and I will always cherish you like no other. I wish thing could have been better between us. God be with you and I am proud of you. My homephone# is 765-555-5555 cell 765-555-5555. Please call and just say hi no pressure for anything else. I love you always and forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brad

 

[Blackbird]

I don't think Facebook is the way you should be carrying on something as intimate as this. But thats just me. I vote you call his adoptive parents and ask if you can speak to him and be a part of his life again.

Why didn't the set-up condition let them have contact with you? Thats a poor deal.
I hope he accepts your request!