Did you always know you wanted kids?

[Boyd]

I grew up with a big family. I was the 1st born of 2 natural kids in our family. My parents adopted and fostered for 20 years so I have close to 17 sibs plus my 2 step sibs I grew up with. I always wanted a big family but had only one natural kid. things didn't work out with my 1st wife and I met my 2nd wife a lil later in life. Despite heavy precautions (3) I am now expecting my 2nd biological son or daughter, and I also have 4 foster daughters, one grand baby, and one former foster daughter who's still very dear to me and the wife.

I think we won't be done having biologicals till we fill this house up with babble, cheer and laughter

 

[cluckcluck42]

Well I've always been on the fence. I like kids, but not all kids. some are little poops.

Fiance doesnt want biological kids, we both discussed adopting an older child when we are well off and comfy. We are both kinda selfish and just want to devote time to ourselves and our lives. My friends are having kids left right and center so I'm psyched to be an aunt. Best ever, get to play with them and ship em off home when you've had enough lol.

If I had a hubby who wanted kids, I'd be okay with that. I do prefer the idea of adopting an older child who may have a harder time finding a home. There are so many unwanted children out there that deserve homes. Everyone deserves love.

 

[Boyd]

Quote:
If you are interested, I could help you find the resources or right place to go. I only take in older kids myself.

 

[ams3651]

Im skipping ahead but want to advise you to leave the relationship if you have differing opinions. When I met my ex I had am 8 year old and he had a 5 year old. He did not want to have any more children and I felt that having them in our lives would be enough for me. It ended up that his daughter was not around me very much (long story) and after a couple years that pang hit me and after much discussion we agreed to separate, well, separating was a difficult task and during that time, yep, I got pregnant very much by accident. He didnt want me to have it, I told him to come or go but I was keeping the baby. He stayed, for another 7 years actually. But he was never much of a father let alone a dad. We split before my sons 7th birthday and soon after he was gone for good. Hasnt seen his son since. Hind sight? I should have kicked him to the curb 7 years ago. I love being a mom, I would have another if I could but various reasons will keep that from happening (not to mention lack of a man!) Dont compromise your emotions, the need to have a child is a powerful thing that cant be ignored. Men just dont understand it.

 

[justbugged]

I always loved babies and wanted a big family. I have had 3, and was able to raise 2 of them. The other children all have names, and keep getting older, but they just didn't happen in real life. If I had had all the kids that I have named there would have been 11 of them. I married my DH at the age of 23, he was only just barely 21. He didn't really want children. He was just after sex for the most part. We come from families that belong to a church that forbids premarital sex. I had clues that all was not going to work out the way I wanted things to be. We had our first daughter about 14 months after we got married. He thought if I was pg then he wouldn't have to go without sex for a few days during my period. That is a really dumb reason to have a child. We had our 2nd daughter 25 months later. She had significant health issues and passed away just short of 11 months. I got pg with our son completely by surprise 3 months before his sister died. I was so numb by then I just didn't have a clue how bad things were. A part of me is happy that we had our son, but I knew that DH wasn't going to be able to handle anything more especially more kids. I had him go get a vasectomy, when our son was about a year old. He didn't argue about doing it. That next year was really hard when I realized that I was ready to have the next kid, and that Shannon was never going to be born. I had made the choice to not have her, or any of the other kids that I feel I should have had. Having babies can really screw up a woman's body too.

As I look back, I know that I love the 2 kids I have unconditionally, but I regret that I was not as good of a mom as I wanted to be or dreamed of being. I was way too stressed out when they were little. I really thought I was going to be a great mom. I loved my kids as teenagers, and we had a great time. But I know now, that I wasn't ever capable being a great mom except in my own head. I think that it is incredibly important to have support from all of your family to be able to raise children that are well rounded mentally stable adults. DH and I are still together, because he supports me financially, and I have never been able to support myself adequately. Best I have ever done is work part time at low paying jobs. I also had a deep sense that if anything happened to my marriage that all of the family on both sides would have made sure that I would have lost my kids. So it was really important to shut up put up and make happy.

I am making it OK these days, and I feel fairly happy with most of the way things worked out. I have 2 great kids that I am very proud of. I know that it was my parenting that contributed to their development as adults. I also know that I am compensating for the loss of the other children by having a house full of pets.

But if I had it to do over again. I would not have had any children. I would like to think that I would have fought harder to get more education, or found a way to support myself. I wish I hadn't been so scared of being abandoned by my family.

I know now I am SO not interested in babies. I am really way too happy that it doesn't look like I will be a grandmother. I have no interest in the next generation. My son married a gal that had MS real bad, and my daughter married a wonderful guy from the Netherlands, so I am hoping that if God forbid she decides to have a child that he will take her back with him to the Netherlands.

My advice is use the analytical side of your brain, and heart to make rational decisions about having children. If you play it by emotions you will have a higher chance of making a decision that you may regret for the rest of your life. Once you have a child with someone they will always and forever are a part of your life, because they are half of your child's DNA forever.

 

[fordmommy]

Quote:
NO ONE ends up saying I am the greatset parent in the world. There is always room for improvement. NO ONE is perfect.

 

[mothergoose]

I was positive that I was not having kids. I babysat alot growing up and other peoples kids were great birthcontrol! BUt then I met Eric. We went to college together and I knew that someday, I was going to marry him...did'nt know when, but just knew. We kept in touch just as friends for 6 years, till I finally got the nerve and asked him out...we were married a year later. There was never any dought, I knew we were going to have a family. And 9 months later our first daughter was born.
And what a wonderful family we have. We have been married for 13 wonderful years and counting, we have 5 beautiful children and would'nt change a thing.

Don't settle...true love is worth the wait!

Christie