- Aug 8, 2011
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a couple of other things.
frustration is a big issue, because we often can't make things work the way others do... at least until we learn how to use our talents to compensate for the native abilities others have that we don't.
in me, anger and frustration are clues that I need a tool-set review, or that I need an outside observer to help me interpret what's happening.
I'm smart, resourseful, tenacious. if I can't solve a thing, there's a component missing, either in my toolset, or my ability to percieve what's happening. now that I KNOW that's what anger and frustration indicate, I can get about determining what's really happening. with outside help if needed. when I was younger, it just made me want to BREAK things. ok, I still *feel* that urge, I just know it's not a workable solution.
anxiety is a big issue. because I may be "deaf" to what's building up in a situation, I'm sometimes caugth flat-footed and surprised by things. I feel like stuff happens with no warning.
it's like getting smacked by the train because you couldn't hear the whistle telling you to get off the track.
so when small things change, it raises my fear and anxiety... since I can't see change coming, big or small, it's all a surprise, and I can't prepare and focus and work out a plan and adjust my rules along the way. it means I may suddenly find myself in a situation I can't assess and don't have skills for. THAT'S bad, scary, bound to be frought with monsters I'm not equiped to deal with.
when unfamilliar things happen, my first reaction is fear and anxiety - because I don't know what the unfamilair things mean, and I anticipate that I may not have the tools to respond to the change.
as an adult, I've learned to tollerate the fear and anxiety, to wait and observe, to keep my mind in gear, ask someone I trust what's happening, try to apply the skills I have or adapt them for the new situation.
as a kid, sudden changes could make me bolt - leave the field physically, emotionally, mentally. refuse to deal. withdraw, either physically or into some behavior that I could focus on. I used to count. sometimes things (cars, birds, split ends on my hair) sometimes just numbers (86, 87, 88, 89... until I lost track and then I'd start over). it put my attention on something I could focus on and where things did not change (87 *always* comes after 86).
Now I've got better anxiety and fear managment tools, but those have taken me a *lifetime* to develop. this was NOT the easy part.
if your aspie son has anxiety or fear or frustration issues, I'd expect skill development in those areas would greatly speed his progress towards having a life that's really working well for him.
frustration is a big issue, because we often can't make things work the way others do... at least until we learn how to use our talents to compensate for the native abilities others have that we don't.
in me, anger and frustration are clues that I need a tool-set review, or that I need an outside observer to help me interpret what's happening.
I'm smart, resourseful, tenacious. if I can't solve a thing, there's a component missing, either in my toolset, or my ability to percieve what's happening. now that I KNOW that's what anger and frustration indicate, I can get about determining what's really happening. with outside help if needed. when I was younger, it just made me want to BREAK things. ok, I still *feel* that urge, I just know it's not a workable solution.
anxiety is a big issue. because I may be "deaf" to what's building up in a situation, I'm sometimes caugth flat-footed and surprised by things. I feel like stuff happens with no warning.
it's like getting smacked by the train because you couldn't hear the whistle telling you to get off the track.
so when small things change, it raises my fear and anxiety... since I can't see change coming, big or small, it's all a surprise, and I can't prepare and focus and work out a plan and adjust my rules along the way. it means I may suddenly find myself in a situation I can't assess and don't have skills for. THAT'S bad, scary, bound to be frought with monsters I'm not equiped to deal with.
when unfamilliar things happen, my first reaction is fear and anxiety - because I don't know what the unfamilair things mean, and I anticipate that I may not have the tools to respond to the change.
as an adult, I've learned to tollerate the fear and anxiety, to wait and observe, to keep my mind in gear, ask someone I trust what's happening, try to apply the skills I have or adapt them for the new situation.
as a kid, sudden changes could make me bolt - leave the field physically, emotionally, mentally. refuse to deal. withdraw, either physically or into some behavior that I could focus on. I used to count. sometimes things (cars, birds, split ends on my hair) sometimes just numbers (86, 87, 88, 89... until I lost track and then I'd start over). it put my attention on something I could focus on and where things did not change (87 *always* comes after 86).
Now I've got better anxiety and fear managment tools, but those have taken me a *lifetime* to develop. this was NOT the easy part.
if your aspie son has anxiety or fear or frustration issues, I'd expect skill development in those areas would greatly speed his progress towards having a life that's really working well for him.