Does wanting to live different mean I am such a mean mom?

[inputoutput]

The way you are raising your children is great, in my eyes. I (a girl) always played video games and watched cartoons and TV growing up. But children can do all those things you don't let your children do and still grow up to be great people with great morals and great lives.

Just keep in mind you are bringing other children into an alien environment and expecting (?) them to have fun doing things they just don't do. Now, the rudeness is a bit uncalled for but they are kids. But maybe it is time to get your kids involved in other groups where they can find friends who are into the same things. Like 4H, Junior Rangers, ect.

 

[WriterofWords]

Stick to your guns. I don't have cable, or dish, or whatever,, I do have a tv that gets local digital channels so that isn't a lot out here. Since I teach online courses at time I do have to have that, but we don't have all those games and such either. My son is going to be 20 and is serving his country and has a good moral value.

 

[chickmashnoon]

point out all the things that your kids have seen and done that those kids haven't. The fact that in a post-apocolyptic world full of zombies where society has shut down, your kids are more likely to survive cause they will know how to grow their own food, how to take care of animals, how to work, and how much healthier they will be. But, don't worry about competing. There is no way. Parenting is not a popularity contest anyway. We should not do what our kids like, but instead we do what is good for them. Trust in your knowledge of what is good, and ignore what a "mean" mom you are.

 

[flyjam1979]

i agree with many posts,
here's the summary of my world
work at walmart (hubby and i)
pay for what we have, dont over extend our selves or live off the "system"
dont have cable by choice, ( hardly ever watch tv, do love america idol with steven tyler tho, he is a hoot)
dont have fancy cars- pay cash for used ones, new ones devalue to quickly etc
have dial up internet
have one cell phone prepaid by choice emergency only or quick" hey honey pick up bread etc"
limit game time, tv time.
chores for everyone no pay unless above and beyond
i spank when needed
do have a gamer hubby, but i restrict his type of games ( he doesnt play much i dont care for) we do have a few systems, some older some not so, and quite a few ppl in house have ds but, time is limited and type
it is so ingrained in my kids mind that some games are not good my son called me from a sleep over to okay game that friend wanted to play, the other kids that come to visit generally respect my rules and beliefs, and we do lax them a bit when company is over, but rock band and mario cart wii car be really fun as a group activity. we save up to go do things together on vacation, not big fancy things, but we have fun, and i really do teach many of the things that my grandparents instilled in me, and living far from the concrete jungle helps alot. my teen has a prepaid cell she bought and buys minutes for with her monthly check she earns from running our churches nursery, i think its good for her to run out of minutes, not be able to buy new ones sometimes, when she gets to texting too much, she only gets 30 to 50 dollars a month and she likes to buy other things, such as clothes, so not alot spent on minutes.
at christmas they do get store bought toys, but i limit how many will be games and movies, and we all make need/ want lists
"6 things i want for christmas and 6 things i need"
it's cool to see what they need, they dont get crazy and i rarely spend more than $35 on one large gift per kid
also at school starting i dont buy tons and tons of new clothes, a few choice outfits, new backpacks ( if needed) and new shoes,
i tell my kids it is not easy to walk the right path, but in the end it is important, and i do what i do to produce good, smart, productive, frugal, educated, more self sustainable adults out of them, the resources of the world are not here for us to waste.( my newest thing is when anyone leaves lights on, and not being used; i say someone wants electricity for christmas, it gets that light off really fast and sometimes one kid says it to another.

well thanks my 2 or 3 cents and then some
stepping off the soap box and bidding the good ppl and animals of byc goodnight

 

[Beekissed]

I'm a single mom of 3 (now grown) sons and could never really afford all the things kids think they need today....nor would I have if I made better money. What you are doing is developing imaginations, character and maturity in your children and it will stand them in good stead long after their peers are gone.

To give you heart, my boys now reminisce about their lives growing up and how they got to learn things their classmates did not, play games their classmates did not and learn things that their classmates STILL have not learned. My boys learned to get along, make up boy type games, learned to bow hunt from their grandpa, learned how to grow and process food from their grandma and me, and how to make do on little.

They would thank me and act like I gave them the moon when they got socks for Christmas. They never once thought I was mean...they knew I was poor. I doubt your kids think you are mean either.

I think your kids will thank you for it later. I still thank my folks for moving to a homestead and living off grid when I was 10. I learned so much there that has effected my life that I wouldn't have traded it for all the things my peers seemed to have back then.

 

[kstaven]

All I have to say is

 

[aubreynoramarie]

I think the point is not to say that one way of parenting is better than the other, but that people shouldnt be surprised if other parents chose not to raise their kids the same as everyone else and definitely SHOULDNT be expected to conform to how other parents do things when their children are in THEIR home.
however, i do feel that gamer parents will be the first to defend themselves and say their children turned out fine, but are these not the same children who made rude comments and griped about not having video games while at their friends brithday party?

that doesnt sound fine to me. whatever happened to "YUMMMM!!! CAKE! PARTY GAMES!!"?

 

[SourRoses]

Wow! What a great parent you are! Family time! Outdoor activities! Real skills!

Do you know how many parents throw the video games and the ipods and the whatever elses at their kids because they don't have the time to actually interact with them? Of course they'd rather you did the same... because no matter how the kids act when they are there at the sleepover... I bet they come home to their parents saying stuff like "But whatshisnames mom has time for him! His dad takes him fishing!" ... that sort of thing.

Wouldn't it be cool if you could show these kids all the things they are really missing out on at home? Like campfires... the stars... trees... birds.. ect ect. You know... that stuff that up till now they have only seen through a screen.


Well... I am a girl in my early 20's. Somehow managed to avoid all the games and phones and whatever-elses while growing up. Mom tended to steer us away from tv, though was never strict about it... and by our own choice we tended to watch no more than a program or two in the evening before we were restless and ready to join the real world again.

I long ago decided that I am going to be one of these "mean" moms... aka the great parent that their children will be grateful for when they are grown. Like I am of mine

I've decided...
- No games of any kind whatsoever on any kind of contraption whatsoever... less they be babies and it's a game on talking, or the alphabet.
- There will be one single (but large so I can see it in my older age LOL) living room/den tv with no hookups of any kind to any cable/sattelite/whatever... except for a dvd player... and a large selection of movies handpicked by me only consisting of family friendly movies.... too much nonsense out there, and yes, Jackie Chan always makes the list

- One or two computers available to the general house (mine will be hidden away in my room, haha).. with a strictly scheduled times, so everyone knows to share, and at least a pretense of supervison by an adult, plus security features on the computer to make it a very boring device

- No public school, where-in dwell children with all manner of all-day behaviour issues.. I am going to homeschool/unschool my kids, but socialize at extra-curricular classes (whatever they have interest in).. animal activities.. church activities...
- If the friends have a problem with it, then sorry... but I'd rather give my free pizza and soda and chips to the next kid!
- Oh... and No cell phones for children unless they be unattended somewhere and then it will be a loan of a phone that is incapable of texting and has a set minutes allotment... for calling mom to get you, or the police, only.
- No ipods, no whatevers..... However, in their rooms they can keep some kind of music device that does not communicate around the world, to be listened to quietly and not used to ignore family with... and I will be O.K with e-reading devices like a Kindle, ect. Those that are so hard to get online with, that it doesen't count anyway

Anything to encourage books and reading

So there.. don't feel alone.

I'd also like to mention just one instance where games, tv, ect.. I've found to interfere in adult life. Have you ever gone on a date with a fellow... and after hes rushed through dinner, he wants nothing more than to take you over to his friends house, instead of the movie... where he promptly abandons you to a sofa and proceeds to hang out with his friends for hours on end playing raucous video games, screaming at each other and high fiving... meanwhile ignoring their date and not being ready to hurry up and take them home until "just 5 more minutes!".... like little kids.
It's happened to me more than once... and while I would think it was just me... it's happened to my friends too. Apparently the 'right girl' is no longer one who you get along with and joins you in real life activities, but one who sits quietly for an undetermined period while the 20+ year olds play like 3- year olds...

Thus why I believe it to be the responsibility of every mother to insure their sons grow up understanding how to be a gentleman.... how to take their date home at a decent hour so she can proceed with never accepting their calls again... before she has to stoop to unplugging the television set and playing "mean mom" herself...


When I was a teenager actually.... I read a study about childhood sleep problems that was very interesting.
It said that... Children and adults who have electronic items in their rooms... especially computers and television sets... had alot more trouble getting to sleep. Not simply about the entertainment aspect there... but the fact that no device, even while inactive.. is silent. They all make noise that keeps the brain more active.... and adults in sleep studies were found to acheive less REM sleep when electronics were present.

I fully believe it... look at the time... I have insomnia, always

Though usually I try to blame it on you chicken folks

ETA: I forgot to mention that I am a girl in her early twenties that. does. not. keep. a. cell. phone! I had to have them for various reasons, usually work related, once I turned eighteen. I can text well enough to keep up... use all the features... listen to friends blabber for hours... but the thing is, I don't want to. When I left my FA job, I had my phone turned off and tossed it in a drawer, never to surface again. My mother is now on the flip side, constanly asking me to get a phone.... but it's not going to happen! Phones are so demanding.... ringing, buzzing, needing to be charged... falling into toilets.. not worth it at all IMO.

When I was a kid we usually were the weirdos... We had animals... We did family activities. I was generally disliked in school... except when I found a true friend who liked me based on myself and not on what I did or had or who I could talk about

Ashley loved coming on outings with my mom and I... we would go to dance practice, horseback riding, exploring... then go out for lunch the three of us and laugh for hours. We had a great time, and judging on my own sweet memories of the fun we had, I'm certain Ashley grew up with great *real* memories too.

Your kids just need to find friends that enjoy what they do, if their current ones can't be encouraged to. They are out there.. somewhere. Has to be something in your area you could encourage your kids to start up in where there are people who live outside the "box" hehe.

 

[rancher hicks]

This goes to all the folks who choose to be different. You need to find folks who are like you. You need to find them for a support system.

Now don't be afraid to separate yourself from those who aren't like you and give you grief. Of course you want good morals. At least I do. We do attend church regularly and I think everyone should. Your not there for yourself there are others there who need a friend too.

We don't have cable and only one TV and one computer that we have to share. Oh my! We don't drink , smoke and rarely swear. We don't tolerate have naked people either.

We don't have a "new" house, but we like what we have. We have cell phones for safety reasons but kids should never be in a situation where they need one. (without and adut).


If your relationship is causing to much stress than it's not a good one. Get counseling or call it quits. Family is not an obligation. If you don't like them then keep visits to a minimum. I have one sister who I don't see cuz she's drives me crazy. That does not mean I'm a bad person. We just have different values and OP's and she can't accept that.

Don't judge yourself through other peoples eyes.

I wish you the best , take what you can from this advice and toss the rest.

Rancher

 

[Vcomb]

family time? yes. real skills? great. outdoor activities? all for it. Now I know I'll get some slack for this, not being a parent myself (although being the oldest of all the grandkids certainly made me help out with raising kids) but there is something to be said for taking any approach too far. I've seen kids my own age who were too deep into video games and consumer culture and I've seen others who are so far removed from it you would believe they came from another planet and have difficulty functioning in society as a result. All I'm saying is I think you are on the right path but be careful not to go too far one direction. Like it or not video games, etc have become an important part of social skills. As a parent I know you will want to give you kids skill sets that will help them succeed in life. Just remember that sometimes what you see as trivial can actually be a lot more important than you or anyone else may realize.

As an example, my gf is a born and raised city girl who currently works an online customer support job that she struggles with a lot. The reason? She did not grow up spending time online chatting with friends or in chat rooms. As a result her job (which requires chatting with customers) is difficult as she cannot keep up on 10 conversations at once. She tries her hardest but still gets written up because she simply did not learn those skills and has a huge learning curve. On the flip side of the coin I grew up on a dairy farm and learned some basic construction in high school and via building my chicken coops. However since my specialty on the farm was raising replacement calves I did not learn the skills of operating heavy industrial machinery. I also grew up in an area where "office jobs" simply did not exist. As a result I am living in the city working low-paying low-skill jobs because I do not have the skills to get higher paying construction or manufacturing jobs and do not have the experience to be considered for an office placement.

I guess what I am saying is I don't think you're a bad mom, but please keep in mind that you never know where your kid's life will take them. Don't let them get too caught up in one thing or be kept too in the dark about other things. The values you teach them will help them decide whether its more important to play Call of Duty than it is to feed the dog and how to prioritize.

Also, I'm not saying you should just hand stuff over to them, or that you should never take it away as punishment either.