Off to make him a tongue sandwich, it should be the best food available since it came from a mouth correct? at least using his logic...
Will she use Brown sugar, or dark corn syrup? wouldn't those be dirty too???? Only club soda and tonic water if it's not regular water to drink, sodas are contaminated hence their colors. milk is taken from the under side of goats and cows, too close to the filthy ground. No I will not serve her veggies, they come out of the dirty ground along with some fruits, like rhubarb and strawberries.
Fear not, nature will take care of people like this. It's called Natural Selection.