Edit book pls?

[Nats Chickens]

Nina’s face broke out into a grin. She pumped her fist. Storm nickered and Binxi let out a full blown whiny. “Onward to Cora and Minta!” Lily yelled, slightly mad from all the celebration in the air.

Chapter 4

Cora nodded as Minta finished explaining. “You know what? That just might work!” She grinned. Minta’s face broke into a smile. Suddenly she frowned. “We forgot Zlyde!” She groaned. Cora groaned too. “What implications it would imply!” Minta flopped back and banged her head against the flagstones. “Yow!” She rubbed the sore spot.

 

[Butterscotchbitesfinger]

slightly mad from all the celebration.

Could you instead of mad say slightly crazed
(Another good two paragraphs)

 

[imnukensc]

I will only say that the target audience seems more like 11-12-13 year olds than 7-8, but 7-8 year olds today may be far more advanced in their reading skills/comprehension than I was at that age. (I'm old. At 7-8 years old I wasn't much past Dick, Sally, Jane, and Spot. Some of the older folks here will know who I'm talking about.)

 

[Nats Chickens]

My 8 yr old sister would have no trouble reading this. It isn't going to be a thick book either, and it will have large print. Thanks for saying that though, I was worried it was to straight and basic!

 

[Nats Chickens]

Lily and Nina treaked on with Storm and Binxi zooming ahead. Suddenly Nina stopped. The tracks they had been following had stopped.

Allow me to explain: Flame, Gin’s Minx Dragon, [Blanca too] Had chains around their tails. It just so happened that Flames came loose and dragged, but unfortunately Gin noticed and pulled it up into the saddle with himself.

Nina let out a howl of despair. Lily Whimpered, but held it in bravely. Storm was about to flop on the muddy ground when a something caught her eye. She stood up straight and stiffened. Then she took off like a bullet towards the something. When she got there, it was a horrible building, fallen into disrepair, but not unused. It was an ugly sight. Storm blanched as she saw probably the most hideous creature in the realm. She turned to go back but stopped. Had one of the goblins who were on top of the tower just called the hideous beast Gin? Storm strained her ears. Yes, he had! And he mentioned prisoners too! Storm set off, charging back to Nina, also Lily and Binxi.

Cora thudded her head against a beam, rhythmically. Minta snored from the hay. Suddenly, as if by magic, which obviously, it was caused by, the beam began to shimmer, and the indignant face of the Wizard Gumwart appeared. “Do you mind?!” He grumbled.

 

[Nats Chickens]

Cora was taken aback. “What do you mean?” She growled. Gumwart sighed impatiently. “I mean, you were knocking on my door, it is two in the morning! Have you no decency?” Cora stared. “I was whacking my head on a post, not a door, you silly old coot!” She yelled, waking Minta up. Gumwart’s eyes flashed. “The post is my door, nitwit!” And with that, he vanished. Cora grumbled and settled down in the hay. But sleep was not to come. Cora had a brainwave. “Minta! I’ve got it!”

 

[Nats Chickens]

NB. Each chapter is 5 A4 pages long.

 

[ladybugchickenfarms]

its’

light. she

“hmmf,” The horse grumbled. Lily led her to a stall. “In.”

“Minta really, you should be more careful then that. What if you waved in the wrong direction?? I don’t want to be covered in duck soup. Lucky it was the poor floor and not me.” Nina grumbled as she went off find a towel. But it wasn’t clutziness that made Minta miss the bowl completely. “Look,” she said in a hoarse whisper. Nina, still grumbling a bit about the mess, looked. She went pale under her greenish skin. “But that isn’t possible!” She gasped.

its’

Hello! I've only read the first chapter so far but here are my edits for that chapter: (Sorry if I sound bossy but I'm a Grammar freak) For 'its'', you don't need the apostrophe at the end. 'It's' is the contraction form of 'it is', and 'its' is the possessive of it. Example: Its mother was very kind. So you don't need the apostrophe You also forgot to capitalize the 's' in 'she'. Also, when a new character speaks, you need to make it a new paragraph, so you can't have Nina and Minta talking in the same paragraph, for example. Again, sorry if I sound bossy. Great book so far!

 

[Nats Chickens]

Storm was flying so fast she nearly flattened Nina. Nina grabbed hold of the Pixie Horse and held her still. “What is it?” Storm gasped for breath, “Well,” She told them everything she had seen and heard. “Hisbuild, it’s called, and it’s just over there.” Nina hugged Storm tightly. “You’re a genius!” She cried. And set off running towards Hisbuild. When they got nearer, they ducked behind a very convenient clump of bushes. Nina gulped. “Don’t fail me now,” She whispered to the elegant little wand. “Ashrieka rune! Cobrilica moon!” The wand did it’s job, instantly, the four of them looked just like goblins. Nina shuddered. Then, they set off up to the gates of Hisbuild Hall.

 

[ladybugchickenfarms]

For Chapter two, other than the speaking in different paragraphs thing I mentioned earlier, this one is just typos and one suggestion Great chapter!

tighed

Did you mean 'tied'?

stolidly

I don't know what this was meant to be, but I think it's a typo

But the first, is to suit you up for this place

You don't need a comma there

I disguising spell

Did you mean 'a' disgusting spell?

Suggestion: Maybe end chapter one right after Minty says 'Ow' and the words 'it was too late'? Then chapter two picks up after that? Just a suggestion, it's still great whatever you choose.

That's it for this one! Sorry if I sounded bossy. And as always, great chapter!