(ex)-boyfriend problems, advice needed

[chubbydog811]

LOL I can't wait any longer...Here is my advice (coming from an almost 23 yo women who has been through high school and all of its fun-ness.)

Go ahead and date him...10 bucks says you are going to ignore everyone's good advice, and go ahead with what you want to do anyway. It's not like we are your close friends at home who see what's going on, and can steer you a better direction. We are internet folks, who can only offer you what advice we have to offer. That only goes so far to a stubborn minded high school-er.
Learn the hard way...because right now, you are making yourself sound like an immature, lost, not knowledgeable teenager that needs to learn for herself. Your over thinking is what got you in trouble in the first place. Learn from your mistakes, and move on.

People are telling you to think ahead, because what if there is that chance you do know him for a longer period of time? What if you do end up forming a relationship and sticking with it? These are things you think of BEFORE you get into a new relationship. It will save you a lot of time and heartbreak in the long run. Trust me. Been there, done that - as many of these people offering you advice have been too.

Anyway, I say this all in the nicest possible way, but really, do what you want, because it sounds like you have already made up your mind in the matter anyway.

 

[77horses]

You're right, I have already made up my mind. Whether my decision is based on immaturity or not, I guess we'll have to see. I'm just going to go with what I feel is the right thing to do.

Thank you all for your advice.

 

[jamesbwood]

Most of us have learned the hard way - in my case, I've sometimes had to learn the same lessons more than once.

Did you read the thread about the guy who shot his brothers dog? That is the kind of awful unforeseen thing that can happen when multiple people don't follow the rules. Now that the cat is out of the bag, there are no easy answers. That is the kind of thing people here are trying to protect you from. they are saying your are stacking the odds against yourself and they may be right.

I'm in the minority here, so that means what I'm saying is against conventional wisdom. Conventional wisdom is usually right - but not always right. So be careful, the odds are what I'm about to say is not good advice!

It is occasionally good to take some risks, but to be smart about them and go into them with your eyes open. Just be prepared to pay a higher price when you take such risks.

Everyones experiences are different. My casual pot smoking skateboarding friends from 20 years ago - at least the ones I am still in touch with, have turned out alright. One of the people that I didn't especially like who went to church 3 times a week and was always telling others how to live their lives in Godly ways got fired for downloading so much porn that the entire campus computer system slowed down. Its funny how life often works like that. Some of the other honors students did well, some did not. Drugs like Meth really scare me - how anyone could do that to themselves I'll never understand. I personally think smoking anything is a discusting habit. Still, the people I knew then and now that causally smoke are not bad people - you would not be able to tell who does and doesn't smoke by their families, incomes or jobs. Again, I'm not condoning this and it clearly isn't the right choice for me, but I personally haven't seen the horror stories like I have with Meth, Crack and honestly, alcohol (especially when combined with driving).

Anyway, life is a big choose your own adventure. Have fun charting your own path.

James



PS You are 17, now is an ideal time to make (minor) mistakes.

 

[gg706]

I have read through this thread. Stop trying to find a "forever" relationship. The high school sweetheart thing that lasts forever doesn't happen very often. Most of us wouldn't have wanted it to! Just have fun and learn, and grow, into who you want to be. Plan for your future by going to college and really making something of yourself. With that the confidence will come. One last peice of advise...this will sound blunt and I apologize for that...DON"T make yourself look like a desperate fool. This guy is done and is over it and moving on...Anything you do now will only make you feel stupid later on and THAT is what will weigh on your mind after you are over him!

 

[77horses]

I have read through this thread. Stop trying to find a "forever" relationship. The high school sweetheart thing that lasts forever doesn't happen very often. Most of us wouldn't have wanted it to! Just have fun and learn, and grow, into who you want to be. Plan for your future by going to college and really making something of yourself. With that the confidence will come. One last peice of advise...this will sound blunt and I apologize for that...DON"T make yourself look like a desperate fool. This guy is done and is over it and moving on...Anything you do now will only make you feel stupid later on and THAT is what will weigh on your mind after you are over him!

haha did you really read through the whole thread? because we're not talking about my ex right now anymore...I know he's done and over it, we went over that a while back...haha...the guy I like now is not the same guy as my ex, in case you missed that.

and I'm not making a desperate fool of myself because for one, I'm pretty much over my ex for the most part and I haven't contacted him in almost a month now. And secondly, I'm not making a desperate fool of myself with the new guy I like now because I know he likes me and I like him, and I'm not falling all over him and being desperate. We're just friends right now.

 

[77horses]

Most of us have learned the hard way - in my case, I've sometimes had to learn the same lessons more than once.

Did you read the thread about the guy who shot his brothers dog? That is the kind of awful unforeseen thing that can happen when multiple people don't follow the rules. Now that the cat is out of the bag, there are no easy answers. That is the kind of thing people here are trying to protect you from. they are saying your are stacking the odds against yourself and they may be right.

I'm in the minority here, so that means what I'm saying is against conventional wisdom. Conventional wisdom is usually right - but not always right. So be careful, the odds are what I'm about to say is not good advice!

It is occasionally good to take some risks, but to be smart about them and go into them with your eyes open. Just be prepared to pay a higher price when you take such risks.

Everyones experiences are different. My casual pot smoking skateboarding friends from 20 years ago - at least the ones I am still in touch with, have turned out alright. One of the people that I didn't especially like who went to church 3 times a week and was always telling others how to live their lives in Godly ways got fired for downloading so much porn that the entire campus computer system slowed down. Its funny how life often works like that. Some of the other honors students did well, some did not. Drugs like Meth really scare me - how anyone could do that to themselves I'll never understand. I personally think smoking anything is a discusting habit. Still, the people I knew then and now that causally smoke are not bad people - you would not be able to tell who does and doesn't smoke by their families, incomes or jobs. Again, I'm not condoning this and it clearly isn't the right choice for me, but I personally haven't seen the horror stories like I have with Meth, Crack and honestly, alcohol (especially when combined with driving).

Anyway, life is a big choose your own adventure. Have fun charting your own path.

James



PS You are 17, now is an ideal time to make (minor) mistakes.

I understand what you mean about the odds. And I know I'm taking a risk, but like you said I should be prepared to pay the price that might come with that risk. I'm aware of that and I know there's a chance of having to pay the price.
And you're right, everyone is different. And not everyone is the way you might perceive them to be, like the guy who went to church that you mentioned. But bad habits don't make someone a terrible person, nor should they be the single factor when looking at a person to decide whether you want to be around them or not.

Life is short and it's okay to make mistakes. That doesn't mean you should use that as an excuse and be careless, I think it just means that you should take some risks sometimes but, like you said, with an open mind and an awareness to the possible consequences. You never know what you're missing if you write someone off just because of a bad habit.

 

[gg706]

haha did you really read through the whole thread? because we're not talking about my ex right now anymore...I know he's done and over it, we went over that a while back...haha...the guy I like now is not the same guy as my ex, in case you missed that.

and I'm not making a desperate fool of myself because for one, I'm pretty much over my ex for the most part and I haven't contacted him in almost a month now. And secondly, I'm not making a desperate fool of myself with the new guy I like now because I know he likes me and I like him, and I'm not falling all over him and being desperate. We're just friends right now.

YA, YA, BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! That is what it sounds like to me. You need to just sit and think about yourself for awhile and not get too involved in big relationships. High school is such a short part of your life. The best is yet to come. the time isn't right for finding "the one". And YES I did read the entire thread...WHY I don't know....You really are NOT listening to anything people are telling you. That is VERY apparent to me. Help yourself out and take advice from those who have gone before you. People SPEAK from experience!

 

[gg706]

Why am I so stupid. :/

I've managed to go almost a few days without crying over him. I see one...ONE...freaking picture of him that he got tagged in on Facebook. And I feel my heart just drop and I start crying. I just haven't seen him in what feels like forever. And he's just so cute, and I just miss him so freaking much.

I miss his eyes. I miss his face. I miss his voice. I just miss everything. And now here I am, crying over one freaking picture. What is wrong with me.

THIS was posted 1 week and 6 days ago....you got over the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE in less than 2 weeks!! I hardly doubt it! Good luck! You need to do some soul searching and figure yourself out! Sounds like a basket case to me!

 

[77horses]

Update: hah, well this changes everything. he just told me he drinks "occasionally" too. smoking weed occasionally is pushing it, but drinking? Nope. Not even going to go there. That's where I draw the line. Guess that's that.

gg706: you're right, maybe I haven't completely gotten over him. But do you realize how painful it's been since he left? The least I can do to keep myself from breaking down and being miserable is by telling myself that I'm over him. It may not be true, but maybe someday I'll believe it myself. And I'm not a "basket case", thank you very much. I'm obviously an insecure teenager who troubles herself too much with relationships that probably aren't worth her time. I'm an emotional rollercoaster right now, I admit. I got hurt and maybe telling myself I'm okay when I'm not helps me get over it. ???? Doesn't make me a "basket case"...pretty sure there are a lot of teenagers like me, probably even worse ones. So don't you dare call me a "basket case" because I got dumped by a guy I really cared about for a whole year and 3 months through a single text, and I'm reacting by trying to tell myself I'm over him and meeting other people.

 

[gg706]

I am not trying to hurt you....I am trying to help you.....I am not a person who will "sugar coat it". I have been through ALOT in my life and don't want to see someone make the same mistakes! Young love hurts....ALOT! I made mistakes and regret them. I am hoping you won't do the same. Feeling like a fool haunts you for a LONG time! I would tell my children the same thing..sorry if you don't like it but it is MY point of view.