(ex)-boyfriend problems, advice needed

[gg706]

I want to add...we...including myself..have been a "basket case" over a relationship at one point or another. You are not alone....

 

[RHRanch]

B I can no longer go after the new guy (now that I found out he drinks sometimes too...) and my ex is obviously not coming back.

Believe it or not, this is good news! It is sad that it wasn't meant to be, but it's good that you found out about his other bad habit (and there are probably others) and made a good decision not to waste your time on this guy. Now as you go out and meet other guys and make new friends, remember what you learned from this relationship, mainly that bad habits and substance abuse usually indicate more and even more serious problems. Basically, things like underage smoking are "red flags" for other problems.... I hope you will hold out for a great guy and not waste time on people who have issues and are not ready for healthy relationships. Good luck and go have fun!

 

[redhen]

But anyways that's beside the point. Whether you think I'm a "basket case" or not is completely irrelevant to me. Think what you want. But as of right now, the purpose of this thread has seemed to come to a close, seeing as I can no longer go after the new guy (now that I found out he drinks sometimes too...) and my ex is obviously not coming back. Hah, so much for that. Oh well. Thanks for all your advice anyways.

 

77, whats the difference if he smokes sometimes..and drinks sometimes?? Except one is illegal and you were willing to accept that... but not drinking..
I'm confused..

Just take it day by day... the right things WILL come along for you..
YOu WONT have to settle for someone that smokes pot and drinks.. when you know thats not what you want in your life... so why settle?
The fact that you were even willing to settle for that tells me a lot..
Slow down..Take it day by day... it will happen when its supposed to.

 

[gg706]

AMEN!

 

[RHRanch]

77, whats the difference if he smokes sometimes..and drinks sometimes?? Except one is illegal and you were willing to accept that... but not drinking..
I'm confused..

Just take it day by day... the right things WILL come along for you..
YOu WONT have to settle for someone that smokes pot and drinks.. when you know thats not what you want in your life... so why settle?
The fact that you were even willing to settle for that tells me a lot..
Slow down..Take it day by day... it will happen when its supposed to.

I think maybe its just one bad "habit" too many for her... But you are right, she was settling and taking on a "project" guy instead of waiting for a quality young man.

 

[77horses]

Believe it or not, this is good news! It is sad that it wasn't meant to be, but it's good that you found out about his other bad habit (and there are probably others) and made a good decision not to waste your time on this guy. Now as you go out and meet other guys and make new friends, remember what you learned from this relationship, mainly that bad habits and substance abuse usually indicate more and even more serious problems. Basically, things like underage smoking are "red flags" for other problems.... I hope you will hold out for a great guy and not waste time on people who have issues and are not ready for healthy relationships. Good luck and go have fun!

Yeah, I pretty much completely withdrew from liking him after I asked why he drinks and he said "because it's fun, you should try it sometime"...hah, no thanks.
Lets hope there's such a guy out there. I feel like the closest I came to finding a guy my age who was actually mature and not into bad things and who I once thought was perfect for me was my ex. In fact I still think we were perfect for each other. I guess it's just not the time right now though because it obviously didn't work out. Who knows if I'll ever find a great guy like that again. :/

gg706: it's all good. I know you were only trying to help.

 

[gg706]

If you will sit and think about it to yourself....WE are all saying the same things......Be you...figure out who YOU are. Which will come with age and life experience. AND THEN fall in love. NO guy who is 15-19 is looking to settle down... so wait....until the time is right. God will bring you what you want.

 

[gg706]

Want to add I think you are a fine young lady...and should be treated as such. You don't want to hang out with pot smoking, under age drinkers...I commend you for that. It can get you in trouble even if you are not partaking. Your time will come and when it does... you will think back to this thread and think...NOW I know what they were talking about and why they said what they said. Someday it will all make sense.

 

[RHRanch]

Yeah, I pretty much completely withdrew from liking him after I asked why he drinks and he said "because it's fun, you should try it sometime"...hah, no thanks.
Lets hope there's such a guy out there. I feel like the closest I came to finding a guy my age who was actually mature and not into bad things and who I once thought was perfect for me was my ex. In fact I still think we were perfect for each other. I guess it's just not the time right now though because it obviously didn't work out. Who knows if I'll ever find a great guy like that again. :/

gg706: it's all good. I know you were only trying to help.

Young men need time to mature, and young ladies like yourself need to be choosy, have standards and expect good behavior from young men.... slim pickins is no reason to "settle". Stop worrying about your ex being "perfect" for you, you are in hs, and it is unlikely that you will meet the perfect guy for you until college or after, it just takes that long for folks to mature. I forget what comedian said this, but it was n reference to young men, and he said quite bluntly that they were "not worth bothering with until after age 25" LOL That may be a broad generalization, but its also kind of true... people's brains just don't mature until that age. So wait, and stop making excuses for other people's bad behavior and don't date men/boys who are "projects" and you will be okay. If Mr. Right is so perfect for you, he should be worth a wait. I didn't meet my Mr. Right until I was 26.

 

[jamesbwood]

I think she is responding to going from "the love of your life" to maybe this new guy, to maybe not this new guy in under two weeks. At least from the perspective of us older people, that seems totally crazy - people need time to heal and learn. From the perspective of us older people, we don't usually ever consider a new person that fast unless we have "issues". We use terms like "love of my life" on time scales that typically span decades. I tend to associate "love of my life" with WW2 stories of people that were separated and found each other, or didn't, decades later. So all this drama in a short amount of time seems totally crazy to us.

What I'm not sure of is if this it at all unusual for someone that is 17. It probably isn't. It is just that you are bouncing around from ideas at a speed that makes us old folks cringe. That may simply be part of the process of growing up - I don't know. The pain you feel is very real but you can bounce back from it 10x faster than we, or at least I, can. This guy is out so next I suppose is the other one that was flirting with you. . . Or you could be single for a while and just be you. I still recommend that but figure it ain't gunna happen for any real lenght of time.

And she is right that you are going to do what you are going to do no matter what anyone here says. I picked up on that fairly early on also. I'd probably was exactly the same except that I doubt I would have posted anything publicly even under a pseudo-name. Your probably better off for posting - even if you don't agree with most of us most of the time, our ideas are in your head so your eyes are at least more open to potential problems. Most of us thought that guy was a potential problem - even me, the odd one out and the least worried.


James

PS It is kind of ironic that you draw the line at alcohol, which is legal at 21, and not marry j. I happen to agree that alcohol is the more dangerous of the two but that maybe because I was once hit by a drunk driver. The extra known risk I took back then was riding a motorcycle. The stats aren't pretty for your age group and accidental deaths involving alcohol - drinking and driving - is the number 1 "accidental" killer till something like age 35. Death is a real bummer. I advise that you avoid it as long as you can.