(ex)-boyfriend problems, advice needed

[hunter109]

hell i was engaged to a girl and she did the samething but she never wanted to see me or anything so idk how to help you

 

[77horses]

UPDATE: I called him last night. Here's a quick summary of what happened: (I'm trying to remember the whole conversation but I don't really remember parts of it..)
I wrote down a few things beforehand that I wanted to remember when I talked to him...I reconsidered whether I should call him or not. I came extremely close to not calling him, actually, because I felt like it might push him away more and I should just wait for him to contact me first. Then I thought about it some more, and realized that due to the circumstances, the chance of him contacting me first was very very very slim. So, with that in mind and me feeling like I was gonna puke, I called. It rang for a while and for a second I thought he wouldn't pick up, but he finally did. He said "hello?" and I said "hey" and he said "hey.." and I said "sorry for calling, is this a bad time?" and he was like "uhh no it's fine, it's not a bad time." and I was like "okay." there was an awkward pause of silence...I was freaking out on the inside and trying to remember what to say but I didn't know how to start off. So I just said "..how are you?" and he said "i'm pretty good...how are you?" and I said "i'm good" and he said "that's good." ...another awkward pause...me still freaking out and trying to spit up anything to say, like anything at all. Finally I managed to say something like "soo..yeah...i just wanted to call you......to say that...I'm sorry for everything.." (at this point I was obviously on the verge of crying, and I could barely even manage to say anything at all...for one, I'm not a great conversationalist on the phone in the first place...)...but anyways, he said "it's fine..." ...awkward silence for a few seconds... and then I said "I just.....I don't know..." ...another awkward pause... "I'm sorry for stressing you out so much and pushing you away, and I'm sorry for sending that long message last Sunday...if I had known that my worrying would make me lose something that I cared about like you, I wouldn't have done it..." he kept saying "no, it's fine...I'm sorry too, I hate how it ended on such a bad note..." etc... and I said stuff like "I know I stressed you out and I'm sorry for that, worrying too much is just something I need to work on I guess...and I know it doesn't make a difference now because you've already made up your mind...But I'm not surprised you broke up with me, I wouldn't want to date me either hah..." and he said "no, it's not that...anyone would want to date you...it's just that, there's been a lot on my mind and having a relationship has just been too much work and stress for both of us." and then I said "I know...and I don't want you to be stressed, I want you to be happy. But I just feel like we could've compromised and worked something out.." and he said "I want you to be happy too...but we tried to compromise before" (he was referring to back when I worried about things before, and we "compromised" by just talking it out and him reassuring me that he was just busy and he still cared about it), so I told him "I know...but I was stupid because I didn't believe you when you gave me valid reasons for not being able to see me...I was stupid and I was worried that it was because you didn't want to hangout with me anymore. But I shouldn't have done that, I should've believed you." and he said "I just feel like it stressed us out way too much and it wasn't working. the long text that you sent me last Sunday really made me think and realize that it wasn't working." and I said "I know...I shouldn't have sent it like that. and I didn't mean it, when I said that if you didn't start treating me like your girlfriend I would leave. I was just stressed too and I was being paranoid as usual.....but what I meant by "compromise" is I feel like we could've worked something out, like have a set day once or twice out of the week that we talk to each other and catch up, and have a better plan...because we didn't have a plan before, and that's what made us both stressed. If we had a better plan, we wouldn't always have to worry and think about when to text each other and it wouldn't be as stressful." and he said "yeah....I just got stressed from always thinking about you and when I was going to text you or when we were going to hangout. And I had it coming to me, before we broke up, because I know we hadn't been hanging out in a while and it's not your fault that you reacted to that." And I said "but I should've reacted in a better way...." and he said "well, maybe. I mean yeah, that long message you sent me on Sunday...I was kinda mad about it." and I said "I know, I'm sorry..." and he said "it's fine..." and I said "I still care about you...and I still want to be with you...I just feel like we could've worked something out..." and he said "yeah...it just seems like too much work." and i said "too much work..?" and he said "well...I don't know.." and I said "I just don't want to stress you out even more than you already are..." and he said "I know...I just need time to think." And I said "okay, you can have all the time you need." and he said "thanks." and then he said "I gotta go now, so good night." and I said "good night." ...aaannd that was that. Honestly, it could've gone a lot worse, right? I'm actually kinda happy with the way it went. It felt good to finally be able to talk about it with him like that. After a year and 3 months, we had never really had any conflicts like this before so I've never actually talked to him on the phone or in person about something like that. I know, surprising because it's been a while and that should've happened by now. Maybe that's just part of the problem; we need to learn to be more open around each other and not just through texting (if we were actually still dating, that is). But yeah, overall I'm glad I called him and we talked about it. I don't know how long it will take for him to think about it, and there's still not a high chance of us getting back together, but I feel like it's at least a lot better now than it was before I called him. I'm not going to call him again now unless he calls me first, because I want to give him a chance to think about it like he said. Who knows, maybe he'll come back. Then again, maybe he won't let me know when he's done thinking. Maybe I won't hear from him again. I'll wait for him, but at some point if he doesn't come back, I guess I'll have to leave it at that and move on. I'm just more relieved now that I have a better idea of where we stand.

What do you guys think?

 

[77horses]

I'm sorry for your loss. You are still very young and as much as this seems awful now, you will very likely have a full life in front of you. First loves are hard. Now is a good time to do some soul searching and to critically look at what it might be like to be with you. Be honest with yourself but don't beat yourself up to much, long distant relationships are really really though. If you don't have tansportation, "long" may not be that far.

As an actual DUDE, there are a few things I'd like to clear up from prior posts:

I have never left a woman becasue I wanted to pursue another one. Never. Some guys do this but they are certainly not all of us or even most of us. The guys that do this often serierly date a lot of girls and are in high demand from the ladies, my best friend in high school was one of those guys. As he date a bazillion girls, often at the same time, a lot of girls may have this experince. These guys have a history of doing this; most young women ignor their history and think that they will be the one he is different for. If your guy was with you for over a year it doesn't sound to me like he is one of those guys that just goes through women or is leaving you for another one.

I have left several women, that I truly and deeply loved at the time, becasue they were driving me nuts. Becasue being with them became somewhat miserable and we want to be with someone that is enjoyable to be around. Despite what you read in womans magazines, men (and most everyone) do not react well to manupulation, guilt trips and especially ultimatums "If you don't do X then Y is going to happen". I think you understand that. It was not that one outburst that ended it but a series of things with that outburst as the final straw.

We want to be loved more or less as we are; we don't want to be changed into someone we are not.

That doens't mean that the woman we love do not have a huge influence on us. It is just that this influences comes not from the "dark side" but from the light side, the fun, sunshine, smiles and hugs side. Most guys will do a heck of a lot for the girl they love.

You feel that you have to call him and so you will. He was with you for over a year so I'm sure that some part of him likely misses you. But don't get your hopes up. If it was more stressful to be with you than to not be with you, you may not get the results you want. Either way you will learn more about yourself and grow as a person (which can be, and often is, a painful process).

Almost all of us have gone through stuff like this.

James

By the way, I married my high school sweetheat. Back then she was "the one" - my partner for life - I could not have been more certain. 6 years later she divorced me and a month after that moved in with another guy who she latter married. Hmmmm It took a long time before I remarred. I can't tell you how happy I am with my wife now and how patient she had to be before I was willing to give marriage a second try. I'm 40, we were married a year ago and dated for a loooong time before that.

On every life some rain must fall. Good luck!

Thank you, I felt like this really helped me think about everything a lot (as did all the other posts, don't worry) and it sounded more like my situation. It's good to hear it coming from a guy's perspective, too.
I especially agree with the "we don't want to be changed into someone we're not" part. Knowing my ex, he hates it when people try to change him. He sometimes used to tell me how it really bothered him that his parents expected so much from him and, according to him, "wanted everything about his life to be perfect". So I know that it must've bothered him when I told him that I felt like he wasn't treating me like his girlfriend, even if I had valid reasons for doing so. He probably felt like I was trying to change him, and so he reacted negatively.
But anyways, thanks for the post!

 

[ChicknThief]

UPDATE: I called him last night. Here's a quick summary of what happened: (I'm trying to remember the whole conversation but I don't really remember parts of it..)
I wrote down a few things beforehand that I wanted to remember when I talked to him...I reconsidered whether I should call him or not. I came extremely close to not calling him, actually, because I felt like it might push him away more and I should just wait for him to contact me first. Then I thought about it some more, and realized that due to the circumstances, the chance of him contacting me first was very very very slim. So, with that in mind and me feeling like I was gonna puke, I called. It rang for a while and for a second I thought he wouldn't pick up, but he finally did. He said "hello?" and I said "hey" and he said "hey.." and I said "sorry for calling, is this a bad time?" and he was like "uhh no it's fine, it's not a bad time." and I was like "okay." there was an awkward pause of silence...I was freaking out on the inside and trying to remember what to say but I didn't know how to start off. So I just said "..how are you?" and he said "i'm pretty good...how are you?" and I said "i'm good" and he said "that's good." ...another awkward pause...me still freaking out and trying to spit up anything to say, like anything at all. Finally I managed to say something like "soo..yeah...i just wanted to call you......to say that...I'm sorry for everything.." (at this point I was obviously on the verge of crying, and I could barely even manage to say anything at all...for one, I'm not a great conversationalist on the phone in the first place...)...but anyways, he said "it's fine..." ...awkward silence for a few seconds... and then I said "I just.....I don't know..." ...another awkward pause... "I'm sorry for stressing you out so much and pushing you away, and I'm sorry for sending that long message last Sunday...if I had known that my worrying would make me lose something that I cared about like you, I wouldn't have done it..." he kept saying "no, it's fine...I'm sorry too, I hate how it ended on such a bad note..." etc... and I said stuff like "I know I stressed you out and I'm sorry for that, worrying too much is just something I need to work on I guess...and I know it doesn't make a difference now because you've already made up your mind...But I'm not surprised you broke up with me, I wouldn't want to date me either hah..." and he said "no, it's not that...anyone would want to date you...it's just that, there's been a lot on my mind and having a relationship has just been too much work and stress for both of us." and then I said "I know...and I don't want you to be stressed, I want you to be happy. But I just feel like we could've compromised and worked something out.." and he said "I want you to be happy too...but we tried to compromise before" (he was referring to back when I worried about things before, and we "compromised" by just talking it out and him reassuring me that he was just busy and he still cared about it), so I told him "I know...but I was stupid because I didn't believe you when you gave me valid reasons for not being able to see me...I was stupid and I was worried that it was because you didn't want to hangout with me anymore. But I shouldn't have done that, I should've believed you." and he said "I just feel like it stressed us out way too much and it wasn't working. the long text that you sent me last Sunday really made me think and realize that it wasn't working." and I said "I know...I shouldn't have sent it like that. and I didn't mean it, when I said that if you didn't start treating me like your girlfriend I would leave. I was just stressed too and I was being paranoid as usual.....but what I meant by "compromise" is I feel like we could've worked something out, like have a set day once or twice out of the week that we talk to each other and catch up, and have a better plan...because we didn't have a plan before, and that's what made us both stressed. If we had a better plan, we wouldn't always have to worry and think about when to text each other and it wouldn't be as stressful." and he said "yeah....I just got stressed from always thinking about you and when I was going to text you or when we were going to hangout. And I had it coming to me, before we broke up, because I know we hadn't been hanging out in a while and it's not your fault that you reacted to that." And I said "but I should've reacted in a better way...." and he said "well, maybe. I mean yeah, that long message you sent me on Sunday...I was kinda mad about it." and I said "I know, I'm sorry..." and he said "it's fine..." and I said "I still care about you...and I still want to be with you...I just feel like we could've worked something out..." and he said "yeah...it just seems like too much work." and i said "too much work..?" and he said "well...I don't know.." and I said "I just don't want to stress you out even more than you already are..." and he said "I know...I just need time to think." And I said "okay, you can have all the time you need." and he said "thanks." and then he said "I gotta go now, so good night." and I said "good night." ...aaannd that was that. Honestly, it could've gone a lot worse, right? I'm actually kinda happy with the way it went. It felt good to finally be able to talk about it with him like that. After a year and 3 months, we had never really had any conflicts like this before so I've never actually talked to him on the phone or in person about something like that. I know, surprising because it's been a while and that should've happened by now. Maybe that's just part of the problem; we need to learn to be more open around each other and not just through texting (if we were actually still dating, that is). But yeah, overall I'm glad I called him and we talked about it. I don't know how long it will take for him to think about it, and there's still not a high chance of us getting back together, but I feel like it's at least a lot better now than it was before I called him. I'm not going to call him again now unless he calls me first, because I want to give him a chance to think about it like he said. Who knows, maybe he'll come back. Then again, maybe he won't let me know when he's done thinking. Maybe I won't hear from him again. I'll wait for him, but at some point if he doesn't come back, I guess I'll have to leave it at that and move on. I'm just more relieved now that I have a better idea of where we stand.

What do you guys think?

He has moved on honey. It's time for you to do the same. He is being gentle, and let you speak your mind. And you can respect him for that. But as someone looking in on this conversation from the outside, it sounds like it was nothing more than that. He was being nice. It's possible he will come back when his life quiets down, but I wouldn't hold my breath. At your age, life changes so quickly, and so do you. In a matter of months you both will be completely different people than you are today. You will want different things and have different opinions. Such is the nature of highschool. I know it feels like the end of the world, but honey I promise you that in 3 months time, maybe even less, this won't even hurt anymore. You will be amazed. Good luck to you

 

[keesmom]

He has moved on honey. It's time for you to do the same. He is being gentle, and let you speak your mind. And you can respect him for that. But as someone looking in on this conversation from the outside, it sounds like it was nothing more than that. He was being nice. It's possible he will come back when his life quiets down, but I wouldn't hold my breath. At your age, life changes so quickly, and so do you. In a matter of months you both will be completely different people than you are today. You will want different things and have different opinions. Such is the nature of highschool. I know it feels like the end of the world, but honey I promise you that in 3 months time, maybe even less, this won't even hurt anymore. You will be amazed. Good luck to you

X2.

Don't "wait for him". The time to move on is now. He already has.

Enjoy being with yourself for now, and figure out who you are and what you want out of your life. High school doesn't last forever and soon you'll need to decide what you want to do with yourself.

 

[mom'sfolly]

From your side...what I see is you using the word "I" a lot. Even your constant apologies sound needy and manipulative. I know you are hurting, but it doesn't sound like once in this conversation did you ask what he wanted from a relationship. Re-read what you posted and ask yourself what you would do in his position. Ranting texts, ultimatums, compromises that suit your needs but not his....there is a reason he is backing away.

I know you are hurting and want to get back together, but he's done. Dust yourself off, pick up your pride, and move on. Each day think of one good reason someone would want to be with you...even little stuff. It will make you feel better, and it will help make you ready for the next guy in line. Things like: I'm funny, people like spending time with me, I'm thoughful, I'm smart; whatever, it will make you feel better.

And his "I need time to think" really means "I"m done, but I don't know how to break-up/I don't want to make you cry".

 

[jamesbwood]

I agree that the call went very very well.

I also can see why you like this guy, he has a heck of a lot of maturity and sensativity for a 17 (or so) year old male. There aren't many guys like that at that age.

What he isn't directly telling you is that all this drama really deeply hurt him. That this has been really hard on him. That call could have gone down a lot of differnet ways: he could have not answered, he could have very easily lashed out at you and had every right to do so, etc. Instead he talked with you and still remained sensative to your feelings despite all the drama. He was being gentle and a true gentelman - I'm very impressed with this young man.

He also set clear boundaries to protect himself from getting hurt again and stuck to them thoughout the conversation. All this tells me that he did/does really care for you and that this mess deeply hurt him, more than once. He has simply had enough of getting hurt, enough of the Drama (tm). That issue is somewhere between **** hard to impossible to overcome. Guys with some level of self respect and self worth will leave if they have had it.

The post by moms'folly is rough to read but my advice is that you swallow your pride and read it. Then read it again. While, I don't want you to beat yourself up (and know you will), I do want you to ask yourself some critical questions about what it is like to be with you in a realationship. This is tough stuff. It sucks. But you will come out stronger from it if you are strong enough to face the music in this tough time while you are at your weakest.

I'm going to guess that you are attractive but also what us guys call "a high mainteance woman" perhaps even "emotionally needy". If so, that can put a lot of stress on any realationship and is something I personally lookout for and avoid, especially if I am interested in a serious and deep relationship with a woman.

Your ex set some clear boundaries. I suggest you respect them and use this time do ask yourself some tough questions. Change is hard and it sucks but now is an excellent time to ask yourself what kind of woman you want to become. Now is a time for you to forget about guys for a while and work on yourself. Set goals, easy goals at first - you are human and going though a rough time so don't be to hard on yourself. Reward yourself for meetting those goals - ice cream, a baby chick, whatever you like. Try to avoid beating yourself up over past mistakes and instead harness that energy and do something positive with it. If you are angry at times that is OK and normal. But try to be the best you that you can be. While you are doing this, if you do it, my advice is that you not tell anyone else about it because the entire point is that you are doing this for you and you alone not to use as a tool to "get him back". That last point is hard but critical.

Finally I am fully aware that all of this sucks hard and some of the things I and others have said are harsh (but honest). It may help to know that any wisdom I and other older people have was usually gained the hard way, by making gut wrenching "mistakes" ourselves. For some of us, sometimes more than once. . .

Hugs of a fatherly sort

James

 

[77horses]

I agree that the call went very very well.

I also can see why you like this guy, he has a heck of a lot of maturity and sensativity for a 17 (or so) year old male. There aren't many guys like that at that age.

What he isn't directly telling you is that all this drama really deeply hurt him. That this has been really hard on him. That call could have gone down a lot of differnet ways: he could have not answered, he could have very easily lashed out at you and had every right to do so, etc. Instead he talked with you and still remained sensative to your feelings despite all the drama. He was being gentle and a true gentelman - I'm very impressed with this young man.

He also set clear boundaries to protect himself from getting hurt again and stuck to them thoughout the conversation. All this tells me that he did/does really care for you and that this mess deeply hurt him, more than once. He has simply had enough of getting hurt, enough of the Drama (tm). That issue is somewhere between **** hard to impossible to overcome. Guys with some level of self respect and self worth will leave if they have had it.

The post by moms'folly is rough to read but my advice is that you swallow your pride and read it. Then read it again. While, I don't want you to beat yourself up (and know you will), I do want you to ask yourself some critical questions about what it is like to be with you in a realationship. This is tough stuff. It sucks. But you will come out stronger from it if you are strong enough to face the music in this tough time while you are at your weakest.

I'm going to guess that you are attractive but also what us guys call "a high mainteance woman" perhaps even "emotionally needy". If so, that can put a lot of stress on any realationship and is something I personally lookout for and avoid, especially if I am interested in a serious and deep relationship with a woman.

Your ex set some clear boundaries. I suggest you respect them and use this time do ask yourself some tough questions. Change is hard and it sucks but now is an excellent time to ask yourself what kind of woman you want to become. Now is a time for you to forget about guys for a while and work on yourself. Set goals, easy goals at first - you are human and going though a rough time so don't be to hard on yourself. Reward yourself for meetting those goals - ice cream, a baby chick, whatever you like. Try to avoid beating yourself up over past mistakes and instead harness that energy and do something positive with it. If you are angry at times that is OK and normal. But try to be the best you that you can be. While you are doing this, if you do it, my advice is that you not tell anyone else about it because the entire point is that you are doing this for you and you alone not to use as a tool to "get him back". That last point is hard but critical.

Finally I am fully aware that all of this sucks hard and some of the things I and others have said are harsh (but honest). It may help to know that any wisdom I and other older people have was usually gained the hard way, by making gut wrenching "mistakes" ourselves. For some of us, sometimes more than once. . .

Hugs of a fatherly sort

James

I completely agree. I'm not afraid to say that yeah, maybe I was "high maintenance". Maybe I wasn't the easiest person to be in a relationship with. Maybe I could blame it on the fact that I'm insecure because I've had a bad experience with a guy before, where he led me on and then all the sudden stopped talking to me because I was a rebound for him, so now when I don't hear from someone for a couple days like I did with my ex, I would get paranoid. Maybe I should've known better and reacted differently. I know this now, and I realize that your right, I was emotionally needy. I don't know what happened and why I changed, because I was never like this for the first year of our relationship. In fact, I constantly tried to avoid being like that. But at some point, for whatever reason, after about a year, I did notice something change in me. I remember all the sudden feeling doubtful and thinking "oh well, we probably will break up eventually so why not pick a few arguments over little things?" I didn't actually think this, but I knew what I was doing. I knew that I was causing more harm than good whenever I made a big deal about not being able to hangout. I knew that I was becoming exactly what I said I would never be; insecure and needy. But I didn't care. I didn't think. I somehow made myself believe that if he made the smallest mistake, I could do so much better and I deserved more. I don't know what got into me, but I now realize that I was wrong and I don't deserve more. I don't deserve him. He was good to me, he really was. Like you said, he is very mature. He's a really nice guy and that's why I fell for him. In my eyes, he was (and still is) a guy who deserves the best because he is amazing. He was the best person for me. Honestly, I'm scared to date anyone else. I've never met anyone that I've liked so much, and I've admired so much, because honestly there aren't that may guys as great as he is nearby where I live right now. Sure, there probably are guys out there that are just as good as him. But now I realize that I don't want any other guy, I only want him. Maybe that's just wanting something I can't have, like some of you have said. We used to fit each other perfectly, but all that got thrown away because of my own insecurities, and I hurt him. Why? I don't know, I guess I put too much faith into our relationship. I took advantage of the strong relationship we once had. I overestimated just how much it would be affected and I figured we could handle it. I put too much faith into him; I believed that no matter what I did, he would never leave me. I believed that he loved me too much, and I took advantage of that. I never once considered that maybe, even though he cared about me, there's only so much someone can take before they walk out. I should've realized this back then. But trust me when I say that if I could, I would go back and fix all those times that I reacted to him negatively and pushed him away.

That's why I can't just let this go. I can't just move on like you guys are advising me to. No, I'm not going to harass him and I'm not going to contact him anymore unless he contacts me. He said he needs time to think, so that's what I'm going to give him. His birthday is coming up in 9 days though, so I feel bad because I can't get him anything for a present because of all this. All I can say is happy birthday, when just a couple weeks ago, I was trying to plan what to get for him. Now it doesn't matter. :/

And maybe you guys are right, maybe he has moved on. Something keeps telling me that there's still hope, that he just needs time and he'll come back. Something keeps telling me to hold on. Something keeps telling me that we'll be stronger together after this, if we could only figure something out. If I could change, ad become a more secure person and less needy, it could work. I keep telling myself this, even though it's probably just going to hurt me even more in the end, because that's all I have left to hang on to. I know I messed up and it's going to haunt me forever, whether I learn from it or not (which I probably will), because my mistakes made me lose the best thing that has ever come into my life for a while. It made me lose something that I thought I could hold on to forever. And what am I left with? Memories that once made me smile but now make cry because I know I'll probably never get them back, I lost someone that I cared about and now I'm left waiting to see if they'll come back because I can't stand to let them go, regrets, and an overwhelming desire to just run to him, have him hug me really tight and tell me it's going to be alright, and never let go of him again. But I can't, and it kills me.

 

[rikithemonk]

Sorry, but you're waaaaaay off with that one haha. For one, neither of us have had sex. We're both Christians and we both agreed that no matter who we're with, we don't plan on doing that until we're married. And I get that human touch is a great thing and can't be replaced by a pen pal or text messages or calling. But the thing is, that didn't matter in our relationship. Sure, I really missed being close to him and everything. But that's not what our relationship was based on; it added to it, but it wasn't the most important thing, nor do I believe any relationship should solely be based on lust

It all becomes clear. He is 17. He is 17 and he is a Male. When I was 17, ............dam. what you need to hear would get me banned. This post answers everything. He met a girl who rocks his world. I know what your going to say. He would never do that he is a Christian. Women can't understand men. You have absolutely no idea. You don't know how much it hurts. Its like being starving. Its a hunger and when your in your teens its a ravenous hunger. Its so bad that your body hurts. You can feel it in your teeth. My wife says its nothing like that for women. He may say he is pious and not interested. He is full of it. Most 17 year old males take care of themselves several times a day. Its that bad.

Christians hide because they are terrified that the community that respects them (the church friends) will disown them if they found out that they are weak. Trust me, he is hiding, and he is interested in sex, or enjoying sex now which a girl who will never go to his church.

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to tell you what a 17 year old boy in a strict religious family has to do in order to tame the massive urges that wrack his body. Urges that he can never talk to you about because your part of his church. He can't risk telling you his dark secrets. Your pious, your a good girl and he will feel like a pervert. Heaven forbid word gets out to the church youth or his family. He would be ruined and ridiculed, So he hides and he lies.

He found a girl that will let him be a male. I guarantee that he is in heaven and deeply ashamed all at the same time. But he won't ever come back. Men are addicted to sex. Its absolutely a physical psychological addiction. It honestly is like starvation. When your starving, that's all you can think about. That's what being a teen-aged man is like.

Riki

 

[77horses]

It all becomes clear. He is 17. He is 17 and he is a Male. When I was 17, ............dam. what you need to hear would get me banned. This post answers everything. He met a girl who rocks his world. I know what your going to say. He would never do that he is a Christian. Women can't understand men. You have absolutely no idea. You don't know how much it hurts. Its like being starving. Its a hunger and when your in your teens its a ravenous hunger. Its so bad that your body hurts. You can feel it in your teeth. My wife says its nothing like that for women. He may say he is pious and not interested. He is full of it. Most 17 year old males take care of themselves several times a day. Its that bad.

Christians hide because they are terrified that the community that respects them (the church friends) will disown them if they found out that they are weak. Trust me, he is hiding, and he is interested in sex, or enjoying sex now which a girl who will never go to his church.

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to tell you what a 17 year old boy in a strict religious family has to do in order to tame the massive urges that wrack his body. Urges that he can never talk to you about because your part of his church. He can't risk telling you his dark secrets. Your pious, your a good girl and he will feel like a pervert. Heaven forbid word gets out to the church youth or his family. He would be ruined and ridiculed, So he hides and he lies.

He found a girl that will let him be a male. I guarantee that he is in heaven and deeply ashamed all at the same time. But he won't ever come back. Men are addicted to sex. Its absolutely a physical psychological addiction. It honestly is like starvation. When your starving, that's all you can think about. That's what being a teen-aged man is like.

Riki

lol wut.


I mean.....I understand that yeah, teen guys are like that. You're right. And yeah, I'm sure that even though he is against premarital sex just like I am, he probably does have those thoughts and desires. But believe it or not, people (yes, even some teenage guys) do have self-control and self-respect. My ex is one of them, I can assure you of that.