How did I do it?
Get up each day, tend to children, pay the bills just in the nick of time and some late if the finances weren't there, tend to the house and the yard, call on friends and the church when there's more than I can handle...
don't tell husband about the boiler not working, the frozen pipes bursting, the insurance claims, the insurance going up because of claims, don't tell him when the girls are sick, don't tell him the cat died on his birthday, don't tell him the van wouldn't start, don't discuss the hole in our daughter's heart--the dr. wants to see her in a year (3 years later hole has closed on it's own-yay!)....
...when I talked to him, I kept it on the children or a spiritual realm. I told him about one of his fav. Bible study shows and what they discussed that week, I let him talk to the girls if they were awake, depending on the time of day or if it was in the middle of the night...his schedule alternated.
I went on line and found army beanie babies one time, blocks that spell out the holidays on them another, a wooden puzzle game for the 3 year old for her birthday, and a ballerina bear that dances for the 7 year old on her birthday, and little dollies with clothes that come in their own trunk suitcase for Christmas..... and I mailed them to the girls and would say, look! a package from daddy! He liked the idea he said, so I would email him info. so when they talked he could respond in kind.
When he stopped sending ecards to them when they were sending them to him...I would stay up at night and send animated ecards to the girls from him. Telling them he missed them and loved them and to be good for mommy...
When he stopped calling...I told the girls daddy was on the road and gone alot...even though I knew it wasn't the complete truth.
We kept sending him care packages with treats and gifts and pictures the girls had made. The church and the school both did drives at different times to send his company care packages....tons of treats and books to read...
I knew he got them but there was not much more than, yeah, I got them. thanks.
When in the beginning he took the time with other soldiers to write the kids from his sister's school. It hurt to think he wouldn't do the same for his daughter.
So I just kept praying...
I didn't move to a base. I stayed home where my support network was...my family, friends, and church. So I never got more than the emails from the Family Readiness Group, coupons for waterparks in a different state, dinner invites that would be too far away to attend...except for the time we talked in the beginning about who I was.
I'm sure the exeriance may be different somewhat at least for people living on or near a base...to at least have those other members in common with the deployment. No one here ever experianced a loved one off to war, that I was close friends to at least...but maybe the old men who went off themselves but they only shared stories of their battles...I sat with an open heart and listened to them tell their brave stories.
While not quit understanding what story my husband would come back and tell and if he'd choose to tell it at all and would I be strong enough to hear? Times have changed from the Korean war to now. This battle is on desert lands and not from a vessel in the ocean. Technology has advanced. Women play a different role. Cultures are variable and tribes are not the same.
But if I had not the faith in my Lord...I would be so much worse off than I am. I am sad but God tells me I'm ok.
**and I am loved and supported by my family, friends, and church in ways that are such a blessing and a testimony to God's love.
of course everyone has thier highs and lows....but I have been emotionally, spiritually, and physically tapped and I have nothing left I can do but give it all up to God. and in the mean time, take some comfort and get some giggles at byc.
If I would suggest anything to help others in my plight...it would be to check on them...physically I mean. Sit down and write out bills with them one day. Go over and get them caught up on dishes and laundry. Just some kind of help with the everyday chores that get hard to deal with when a) little children are always needing tending to and daddy's not there to keep them occupied. or b) they are sad and not funtioning.
and that's my story. Hope it helps in some small way. Sheds some kind of light to at least one family going through the battle on the sidelines.
Love in Christ,
Gretchen
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