"Frenemy"? Just need to vent it out... Very long...

[redhen]

Quote:
I hear ya, DT.. i get it. Thanks

I came from divorce also... and it IS hard on kids.
Just kills me to see a good woman in love get stepped on .... no need for it to even happen.
Just my opinion...

Yep, I understand that too. Normally I probably wouldn't, but because no one knows her.. My fiancee actually comes from a abusive home where her father and mother are drunks, they commonly beat, push, shove and cuss each other (mom even stabbed dad before If I remember.) Growing up she always had to play grown up, when she got in the way she commonly would get hit. And it seems lately like her mom has a personal hatred possibly against her.. Not sure on why.. I dislike for any woman to get walked on, or to be in a abusive relationship. Truthfully I apply that to men too, dislike a controlling woman or one who beats on the man, though not commonly heard of it does happen.

I'm sorry that your fiancee had such a hard upbringing....

But i bet it made her a strong lady today! And i also bet she'll be a great mother because she knows how bad it hurts kids to live like that...
Every bad thing in life has something you can learn from it..

 

[DTchickens]

Quote:
Yep, I understand that too. Normally I probably wouldn't, but because no one knows her.. My fiancee actually comes from a abusive home where her father and mother are drunks, they commonly beat, push, shove and cuss each other (mom even stabbed dad before If I remember.) Growing up she always had to play grown up, when she got in the way she commonly would get hit. And it seems lately like her mom has a personal hatred possibly against her.. Not sure on why.. I dislike for any woman to get walked on, or to be in a abusive relationship. Truthfully I apply that to men too, dislike a controlling woman or one who beats on the man, though not commonly heard of it does happen.

I'm sorry that your fiancee had such a hard upbringing....

But i bet it made her a strong lady today! And i also bet she'll be a great mother because she knows how bad it hurts kids to live like that...
Every bad thing in life has something you can learn from it..

Yes, very strong

. That is one thing we actually did kind of "butt heads" over, she is very independent which isn't a bad thing. It actually is one of the things that attracted me to her, but I tend to be one of those types that enjoys helping/getting things for/etc. She tends to let me do things for her more now than used to (by her choice, I didn't try and make her change or anything) but still is real independent (but again I like that!)

-Daniel

ETA:But oh well! Getting off topic, sorry for the hijack OP. If you get me on the topic of Danielle, I could talk for awhile.. Especially since she says I have a "Story for everything." Almost thought of telling how people are always like "Awww, y'alls name's are so alike! Daniel & Danielle.." woops, guess I did?

 

[Mattemma]

I might let things go(the past) as dh requested,BUT I would let him know the relationship with bestie has become inappropriate and needs to cool a bit.He needs to limit contact with her while the two of you work on your relationship. Her asking for an addy is wrong. What is she thinking???? She can send a gift to his mom.Why would she even need another addy? Does she think you will keep/toss the gift? She did that to stir the pot.To create a fight between the two of you.Why can't dh see that?

My concern is that there may be some feelings of affection(beyond friendship) between bestie and dh. I would wait and watch and continue to be the person my dh fell in love with an married. I would not let my insecuries and anger show. I would not be crabby.I would get my personal things in order(money) so that if I needed to seperate I could. Mind you seperation is the perfect time for bestie to step in and say *I told you so*. BTDT with my dh,but we both were able to overcome the comments from others,work on issues,and come back together.


If bestie was really a bestie she would see that you and dh are hurting,and that she needs to back off while you two work on issues.If she really cared about him she would do that.It is only without her presence(sp?) that you can tell if the relationship will work.If she keeps interferring you really can not work things out,because she is creating more drama between you two.Maybe she is trying to do just that.Maybe she wants you two to fight.She does little things that annoy you.You fight with dh.He tells you that you are being silly.He runs to bestie to vent about your crabbiness.Bestie consoles dh.

Dh just might have to make a choice between the two of you.If bestie can not accept her new place in the dynamics then she becomes a rival not just another friend of dh. Best wishes.

If bestie isn't dating hook her up.Maybe having a boyfriend will take her focus off your husband!

 

[domino7]

Well, I would have to lose the 'bestie', or lose my wife. There is NO WAY on God's green earth my wife would put up with that, which is no problem, because I wouldn't either.

 

[darkmatter]

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I have no idea what you mean, perhaps you pass them on to me to see what you're talking about----LOL

Seriously, that relationship is not gonna last, what's past should remain past, if they still maintaining side relationships---drop them.

 

[SillyChicken]

Lets see, he travels alot..he asked for nudies from her (which she supplied)..... he's keeping secrets from you....she wants to send him a gift, she doesn't want you to see..... He was defending her and not you.......are you sure your DH and the beastie isn't having a relationship?

I don't mind my DH having friends of either sex as long as they all act appropriatly.... in your case, they're both way out of line.

I sure hope you can work that out with him and he wakes up and realizes he has a good thing, while he still has it!

 

[sourland]

Let it go! Both of you should sever all ties with this person. She is not going to change and is a negative influence. Husband needs to sever all ties and you need to stopo dwelling on this. You can not change the past. Go forward with your relationship or you will be going out of the relationship. Trust me marriage is daily work and dwelling on past problems can be a deal breaker. Approaching 47 years, and it's still a day by day thing but well worth it. If the two of you can't work this out on your own, get professional help. Good luck.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

Had the secret not been kept the op would have made an informed decision on whether to marry him in the first place. But now that it's past that the husband needs to apologize for his part and sever all ties with this bestie if he wants to have a chance at a good solid marriage. I personally would not have asked for an apology. I would never have spoken to or seen her again. It's sad that the secret got them this far. I would have wanted to know so I could have kicked him to the curb before marrying him.

 

[Kansaseq]

His relationship with 'Bestie' is inappropriate. If he were my husband, and wanted to stay married to me, he would have to drop her. Period.
Best of luck.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

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Part of the marriage vows are "forsaking all others." It is one thing to have a friend who does not care for one's spouse. But in that case, the spouse should NEVER be mentioned; the relationship can revolve around cars or hunting or computer games or whatever is their common interest, but any discussion of the spouse is taboo. For him to request and for her to send nude photos are both outrageous acts, even if you were merely girl & boyfriend at the time, and not yet married. If it had been before y'all had a relationship, then it is history, and would be none of your business or concern.