"Frenemy"? Just need to vent it out... Very long...

[redhen]

Quote:
Ignorant is letting a female send you nudie pics and then letting her laugh in your wifes face..and THEN letting her ask you about an alternate address so she can send you some "present" behind your wifes back...
Yeah.... you can call me ignorant all you want DT...
But what i really am..is a realist. It IS reality that i would not tolerate it. So call me what you want.... but at least you cant call me a door mat.

You come back and talk to me when some guy send your girl some nudie pics of himself and then laughs in your face for being upset about it....then he askes your girl for an address where he can send her things so you wont know about it.... and your girl allows all this to go on...right in your face. Guess you'd still stay with that girl?? Again... thats all on you. And what self-respect you have for yourself..

 

[mylittlechickpea]

Daniel, Thanks for the good words. We are still trying to figure eachother out, and it's not as easy when he's gone for weeks at a time

By no means, are we thinking of leaving one another. Just "weeding out the trash"

Turney, I have told him before that if he's got a problem I'm not afraid to hop on a plane. And the disrespect issue is a big one. That has gotten a lot better, but obviously still needs some workin'. And we're working as best we can. I told him I want him to try and get at least three days leave next month or in Febuary if he can, so we can try to be on the best terms before he leaves on deployment next year. I am looking for employment (have been since we got here) and taking a class next semester. And I should be going home for a couple weeks in March, which I am very excited about. This islands not as easy as the mainland for sure. I grew up in Nevada and was never without a job from 18+ and found an awesome job just two months after getting to New York last year. I'm trying to make the best of my time here, we're here until January 2014

 

[turney31]

Theres some of your problem. He is too sure of you. He takes advantage.

 

[DTchickens]

Quote:
Ignorant is letting a female send you nudie pics and then letting her laugh in your wifes face..and THEN letting her ask you about an alternate address so she can send you some "present" behind your wifes back...
Yeah.... you can call me ignorant all you want DT...
But what i really am..is a realist. It IS reality that i would not tolerate it. So call me what you want.... but at least you cant call me a door mat.

You come back and talk to me when some guy send your girl some nudie pics of himself and then laughs in your face for being upset about it....then he askes your girl for an address where he can send her things so you wont know about it.... and your girl allows all this to go on...right in your face. Guess you'd still stay with that girl?? Again... thats all on you. And what self-respect you have for yourself..

I deleted the ignorant comment the more I thought about it, actually a guy has sent my fiancee nude photos. She did continue talking to him for awhile, but like I said- after awhile she did pick me as it got worse. She was just as the husband is above, he sent HER photos. And she did not request them, therefore I did not hold her accountable. She's actually beautiful, I always have to keep watch.. You wouldn't believe how many different guys have tried getting with her over the the course of our relationship, one sending nude photos and another just surprised her with a webcam video while she was on the webcam with her (female) friend and they just happened to chat with the guy for something to do. She looked away, therefore I don't hold her accountable.

SHE has apologized to me, as did the OP's husband if I remember correctly? Had she not apologized to me, or continued looking at them/requested them it would be a different story.

OP, I understand how hard it is for him to be gone.. We're apart as well, another reason looking forward to marriage so I'll be with her.

 

[mylittlechickpea]

He did request them, he told me about them. I hold him to no fault, I would have liked it if perhaps he told me sooner, but he didn't. But he told me. I do not believe my husband is being manipulative towards me, he just doesn't understand. That common sense thing, right? He doesn't have it. But I do believe I have made a break through with him this morning as to why I am upset and holding this two years later. His mind works in a different way that mine does, and I have finally found the words I needed to say to make him understand. And I told him the whole present thing is a load of bs. Though it's been a very long time coming, I think he is slowly starting to realize that this girl is poison.

Red, I know you speak your mind and I respect what you say. But I am not ignorant, and I am not weak. You may take what I say a different way than how I meant to say it, but I do respect myself. And I am not only working on a difficult relationship with the man I chose to be my husband, but I am learning to love myself better than I have in the past.

DH and I have both done some crappy things in the last year that should have caused a lot of embarrassment and shame, and could have changed our relationship for the worse, but we have taken responsibility for our actions, and are learning how to talk each other in constructive ways. It can only get better with time, I don't blame DH for what has happened, but I would like to ensure it does not happen again. And this morning he has learned he will never keep a secret from me. No matter how insignificant he may think it is, I may not, and we will talk about this again when he gets home in a couple days..

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Never said you're ignorant..DT called me ignorant. And that post was in reply to him. Not you...
Nor do i think you are weak...

Anyways... i wish you luck and i hope that your husband starts to respect you as a wife. But most of all i hope you can learn to love yourself better. You deserve it.

Best wishes.

 

[DTchickens]

Quote:
Never said your ignorant..DT called me ignorant. And that post was in reply to him. Not you...
Anyways... i wish you luck and i hope that your husband starts to respect you as a wife. But most of all i hope you can learn to love yourself.

Best wishes.

Yep, actually sorry I called you ignorant Red. It just tends to be kind of a pet-peeve when people automatically jump to a "Divorce! Divorce! Leave them they're good for nothing!" attitude which is how your post came off to me. I've been up close with divorce with my parents, my grandparents almost, one of my uncles has been divorced (or I guess, I'm not sure if he actually married them every time or just lived with the for long periods. Either way he has kids with just about every woman) at least three times (think it is more like four), my other uncles/one aunt has been divorced quite a lot. My fathers cousin has been divorced at least three or so times though I think it is closer to 5?

I've been around a lot of kids/teens who had divorced parents, you name it. I hate to see people divorce over things just because someone else told them to, they weren't willing to work it out, etc etc.. While also leaving behind crushed children. Though the OP has no children, to me divorce is still divorce.

-Daniel

ETA: We've talked before a long time ago, and have seen quite a few of your posts where you are helpful Red. Which is why I apologized for my comment on you being ignorant when I know you aren't. I never actually had calling you ignorant in my mind, more of just the "attitude" people have about it, if that makes sense? But the more I read it, the more I thought "well, that is kind of a personal attack and would be taken as calling red ignorant." So I deleted it, but you had already seen it hehe..

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Never said your ignorant..DT called me ignorant. And that post was in reply to him. Not you...
Anyways... i wish you luck and i hope that your husband starts to respect you as a wife. But most of all i hope you can learn to love yourself.

Best wishes.

Yep, actually sorry I called you ignorant Red. It just tends to be kind of a pet-peeve when people automatically jump to a "Divorce! Divorce! Leave them they're good for nothing!" attitude which is how your post came off to me. I've been up close with divorce with my parents, my grandparents almost, one of my uncles has been divorced (or I guess, I'm not sure if he actually married them every time or just lived with the for long periods. Either way he has kids with just about every woman) at least three times (think it is more like four), my other uncles/one aunt has been divorced quite a lot. My fathers cousin has been divorced at least three or so times though I think it is closer to 5?

I've been around a lot of kids/teens who had divorced parents, you name it. I hate to see people divorce over things just because someone else told them to, they weren't willing to work it out, etc etc.. While also leaving behind crushed children. Though the OP has no children, to me divorce is still divorce.

-Daniel

I hear ya, DT.. i get it. Thanks

I came from divorce also... and it IS hard on kids.
Just kills me to see a good woman (or man) in love get stepped on .... no need for it to even happen.
Just my humble opinion...
Anyways.. very sorry if i came off huffy too...

 

[mylittlechickpea]

My mom is divorced twice, I have just recently in the last few years gotten to know my biological father, and when she and my step-dad divorced a couple years ago that was very on me. I think of him as my dad, and out of me, mom, brother and the rest of the family I am the only one who still talks to him. It was very hard on me, they had a complete breakdown in communication the last couple years they were together, and I have seen what not loving yourself and respecting yourself can do to a person, and I do not want to travel down that road. DH can be very loving, I do not think he is manipulative, rather the other way around. But because he has known this girl for a very a long time it is harder for him to see this. And she knows the way he thinks and is very able to get in there and make him think that I am no good, and now that we are married I don't have to do anything. Which is not the case, and he see's how hard I work to get things done, she's not a good person. And I hope with this last stunt that DH can see that, and let her know that enough is enough. She just makes me want to punch things. Err.


Thank you all for your support, whether you agree with me or not, I do respect all the opinions that you have put out. And hopefully in the future it will be less ranting and more good news.

 

[DTchickens]

Quote:
Yep, actually sorry I called you ignorant Red. It just tends to be kind of a pet-peeve when people automatically jump to a "Divorce! Divorce! Leave them they're good for nothing!" attitude which is how your post came off to me. I've been up close with divorce with my parents, my grandparents almost, one of my uncles has been divorced (or I guess, I'm not sure if he actually married them every time or just lived with the for long periods. Either way he has kids with just about every woman) at least three times (think it is more like four), my other uncles/one aunt has been divorced quite a lot. My fathers cousin has been divorced at least three or so times though I think it is closer to 5?

I've been around a lot of kids/teens who had divorced parents, you name it. I hate to see people divorce over things just because someone else told them to, they weren't willing to work it out, etc etc.. While also leaving behind crushed children. Though the OP has no children, to me divorce is still divorce.

-Daniel

I hear ya, DT.. i get it. Thanks

I came from divorce also... and it IS hard on kids.
Just kills me to see a good woman in love get stepped on .... no need for it to even happen.
Just my opinion...

Yep, I understand that too. Normally I probably wouldn't, but because no one knows her.. My fiancee actually comes from a abusive home where her father and mother are drunks, they commonly beat, push, shove and cuss each other (mom even stabbed dad before If I remember.) Growing up she always had to play grown up, when she got in the way she commonly would get hit. And it seems lately like her mom has a personal hatred possibly against her.. Not sure on why.. I dislike for any woman to get walked on, or to be in a abusive relationship. Truthfully I apply that to men too, dislike a controlling woman or one who beats on the man, though not commonly heard of it does happen.