Funny Jokes!!!


I am actually a female!
9 Years
Jun 21, 2010
God placed me in this world
Post funny jokes here!!!!!

No innapropriate jokes
Have fun

Here is my joke:

So there is this town named 'Trid'. And all of the people from Trid, when they want to travel or go anywhere important, have to climb over this mountain. But, every time one of teh people from Trid get to the top of teh mountain a giant foot comes down and kicks them off. So, one day the King of Trid decided that he wanted to put an end to this. So, he called in his best night in shining armor and said to him, "Go to the top of the mountain and when the foot comes down I want you to slice it into a million peices." So the night goes up the the top of the mountain on a big horse but when he gets there the foot comes down and kicks him off of his horse. The horse returns to Trid with no rider. So the ing thinks, maybe the foot is a man that can be wooed by a beautiful princess. So he calls in the most beautiful girl in all of Trid and says to her, " Go up to the mountain and when the foot comes down woo him with your beauty." So she goes up to the top of the mountain in a beautiful cairage and looks as pretty as she can but the foot comes down without a care and kicks her off of the mountain. The cairage returns without a rider. So then the king thinks that maybe, just maybe, this foot is the foot of God. So the king calls in a Rabi (sp?). But, there where no Rabis (sp?) in the town of Trid so the king sends his men to a nearby town that they could reach without going over the mountain. So the king says to the Rabi (sp?) of the town next to Trid, "Go up to the top of the mountain and pray that the foot won't ever again come down and kick people off of the mountain." So the Rabi (sp?)t goes up to the mountain with a bible in his hand and waits. But the foot doesn't come down. "Why haven't you come down to kick me off the mountain?" the confused Rebi (sp?) asked the foot. And the foot replies, "Silly Rabi, kicks are for Trids!"

The End!!!

What's your favorite joke?
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. So, Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is, 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped .Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says,'Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener.

"I didn't bring the bottle opener,' Steve says. 'I thought you packed it.' Joe gets worried.

He turns to Poncho. 'Poncho, do you have the bottle opener?'

Naturally, Poncho doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go ,swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food.

So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steadily. Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless.

'I NEED FOOD!' he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. 'NO!' Joe retorts. 'We promised.' Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid ,get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat.

But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock, and says, "Just for that, I'm not going."
(*****Caution***** Blonde joke!)
So, there are three girls. A brenet, a red-head, and a blonde. So these three girls have died. And now God says to them, "If you want to get to heaven you have to walk up one hundred stairs. I'm going to tell you a joke on every fifth stair and if you laugh, you can't go to heaven." So the brenet, the red-head and the blonde start walking up the stairs. The brenet gets all of the way to the 49th stair and then laughs at the 449th joke. She can't go to heaven. Then the red-head gets all of the way to the 76th stair but when God tells her the joke, she laughs. So, the blonde makes it all of the way to the 99th stair and starts to laugh. God is puzzled. "I haven't even told you the joke yet!" he said. She nods. "I just got the first one!"

The End!
Okay, the police show up at a crime scene. They find broken glass, a puddle of water on the fround, and Jack and Jill are laying in the puddle, dead. A black cat is walking by. What happened????

(Answer to the will be given once three people have made an ACCURATE guess)
well, here is my joke:

a girl that had a crush on a boy that works in the hospital was sick, she went to the hospital, and the boy gave her a thermometer.

boy: here, we will check in you have a fever.

*thermometer goes up to SUPER HOT*

boy: ... Your hot...

girl: REALLY?


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