Getting married and looking for advice!

[Loopeend]

I come here for chickens. But have received so much more than that in personal growth and friendship! I hope the scales will continue to drop away from your eyes and the world will become a bigger and brighter place, that you and your partner will continue to recover from the hurts you've had and grow rich in Love together. Look for and focus on the good (just like you did already when you replied back there to me).

I left him. With help of the police and social work. A few months ago. It resulted in me being homeless and had to leav my new job becaus he knows where my new job was. I still am homeless. I was not allowed to meet friends, work, etc. He was very aggresive and criminal (hid that last part for me; I accidentally found out when he in a aggresive tantrum because I went to work put me on the streets and changed the locks in the middle in the night, ended up in a homeless place where I met druglords a.k.a. his clients). I need to hide now. Move far away for my own safety. Unfortunatly covid happened right after. Police is annoying me to testify for stuff; but I refuse untill I am somewher safe. And if I am; I probably still won't; glad to nver have to think about him/the situation. Thes criminal adult men ruin each other anyway; and no women or children are directly involved.

I want to apologize. In hindsight my fiery behaviour around people not being treated fairly; was directly linked to me being in a situation of being treated unfairly and no easy choice out. Also my fiery behaviour if I feel discriminated against. I am still really against discrimination. But the passion might have become fire in the past; I am sorry for that; I am sorry for possible getting people hurt or uncomfortable.

My "E" button broke on my laptop.

 

[EggSighted4Life]

glad to nver have to think about him/the situation

So sorry for your experience and current situation.

I do hope you find good shelter.. a safe place to call home and recover a bit. I have zero clue what type of resources might be available in that regard in your area. As scary and frustrating as what you are facing sound.. it sounds like you also have good head on your shoulders! This cruddy exercise WILL make you stronger. I can tell by you DID decide to set boundaries and know what a deal breaker was for YOU.

Honestly, there were things I didn't know and therefor could not have disclosed about myself at the time I got married... I've grown and changed SO much since then and learned a LOT about myself along the way. So many folks are in denial of them true selves, without even knowing it. So while betrayal is a certain expected and natural emotion.. dare I say.. keep your guard up always?? That might be a tad extreme and can cause serious issues of its own. I hope you find a happy medium my friend, I know you weren't asking for any suggestions so sorry if my intended words of hope and encouragement have the wrong timing or effect.

Bless YOU.. over here (on BYC) thinking about possibly hurting others when you are clearly in what most would consider crisis mode. I hope you find peace ASAP! I promise you... I have been guilty of passion becoming fire at times as well. Here we grow together!

 

[Loopeend]

So sorry for your experience and current situation.

I do hope you find good shelter.. a safe place to call home and recover a bit. I have zero clue what type of resources might be available in that regard in your area. As scary and frustrating as what you are facing sound.. it sounds like you also have good head on your shoulders! This cruddy exercise WILL make you stronger. I can tell by you DID decide to set boundaries and know what a deal breaker was for YOU.

Honestly, there were things I didn't know and therefor could not have disclosed about myself at the time I got married... I've grown and changed SO much since then and learned a LOT about myself along the way. So many folks are in denial of them true selves, without even knowing it. So while betrayal is a certain expected and natural emotion.. dare I say.. keep your guard up always?? That might be a tad extreme and can cause serious issues of its own. I hope you find a happy medium my friend, I know you weren't asking for any suggestions so sorry if my intended words of hope and encouragement have the wrong timing or effect.

Bless YOU.. over here (on BYC) thinking about possibly hurting others when you are clearly in what most would consider crisis mode. I hope you find peace ASAP! I promise you... I have been guilty of passion becoming fire at times as well. Here we grow together!

The weird thing is; I have found peace. Right after getting homeless the first week, homeless shlters/etc closed due to covid (and I do not have family, a father that is severely autistic and hence he can not give me shelter). It is tough. But it forced me to REALLY look at myself, my wants and needs, and no longer be a doormath. Not living for others anymore. Had a weird 4 month journey. I just hope everyone on here only settles for the partner; where he/she can be him/herself. That is the most important. Otherwise you can better raise chickens.

 

[EggSighted4Life]

I just hope everyone on here only settles for the partner; where he/she can be him/herself. That is the most important.

I think that's 100% true!

I do also think they should inspire you (just by their being) to want to be more, do more, give more, grow more, live more with an overall sense of wellbeing with to grow themselves and willingness to take the responsibility for their outcome... not be life sucking, bottom dwelling, nefarious, plot scheming, scum that drag you down to "settle" at the bottom to.

When finding a partner... You should compliment each other.. have them be your better half and you theirs! This is when two imperfect beings are perfect for each other and perfected by the other... yes, two truly become one and CLEAVE like flesh to bone. At least if your fortunate!

We STILL have our own interest that we NEED to pursue. I'd flip my top if my hubby tried to tell me how to run my chicken stuff. We will still be annoyed by some things they do, and vice versa. We still don't like the same foods or see the same color even. We are not trying to turn them into us and we must celebrate our differences.. and yes, be ourselves and be true to ourselves... equally yolked.. means different things for different folk. It's amazing when things start to make sense!

Autism sucks. Life surely ain't fair... but I'm very glad that you have found yourself and also peace.. it's a huge bonus for your future!

 

[Patrick Murphy]

I just hope everyone on here only settles for the partner; where he/she can be him/herself. That is the most important. Otherwise you can better raise chickens.

Truthful and deep words. In a relationship, you need to be yourself, otherwise, why is it all necessary then.

 

[featherhead007]

Honestly, I don’t think I would ever get married again. Many reasons why. But best of luck with your plans