You need to find something that makes you feel good. And start telling your siblings you can't watch their kids all the time. I've had to learn to stand up for myself. I used to get walked all over. Everyone would say "ask Dawn she'll do it" and I would up to the point when I tried to kill myself.
Ohhhh that's horrible. I take meds. My husband tells me that all the time. I need to learn to say no before I get to the breaking point. I hope things will be different when our living situation changes. I'm glad you found your coping mechanisms.. I'm working on it.