grannys gone and done it

[twisted-acres-farm]

Good Morning all and looks like most of us are "all in our places with bright smiling/shinning faces"

Here's a little goodie my cousin sent.


A group of women were at a seminar on how to live a loving relationship with their husbands.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some could not remember.

The women then were told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." The women then were instructed to exchange phones with one another, and to read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

If you have been married for quite a while...a sign of true love...who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

Below are 12 replies:

1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the HECK did you do now?
7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
8. Am I dreaming?
9. Are you watching another one of those mushy movies?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?​

​

 

[campingshaws]

I can set out more oyster. Not sure what to do for protein.

Ben's kennel is outside. I hosed it once, letting everything "soften" before I go again. I put Ben loose in the laundry room. In five minutes he shredded a towel, broke the top of the cat box, and dragged the cat feeder down from the counter.

I'm going to have to go back to feeding him twice a day. After a few weeks of only eating once a day I can already see his hips. Not like he was, but it's easy for him to drop weight I guess.

 

[twisted-acres-farm]

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for
the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the
younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling.
We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The Gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The Younger alien became angry at the lack of response.
The Older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'
The Younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his
greeting. Again, there was no response.
Angry at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray
gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling.
We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will
fire!"
The Older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You
probably don't want to do that! I really think that will
make him mad.'
'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He Aimed
his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A
massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger
alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess
about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
Half an hour passed. When he finally regained
consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his
bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien
who was standing over him shaking his big, greenhead.
'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young,
fried alien. 'He almost killed me! How did you know he
was so dangerous?'
The Older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on
his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing
I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never
mess with a guy who can loop his p#@is over his shoulder
twice and then stick it in his ear.'

 

[twisted-acres-farm]

A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde
woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is
blonde and is a proffesional
weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde
and is a proffesional wretler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".

 

[Granny Hatchet]

hilarious !! the first one is oh so true too ! i will try it and share the response ...

I love you..... DH I love you, I recon

 

[Granny Hatchet]

Am I the only only one here that thinks the blond joke is funny ? or maybe I should ask, Am i the only one here that is a brunette ?

 

[Yorkshire Coop]

Well done twist all very funny

I'm blonde and thought is was hilarious

 

[Tumbling K]

Well done twist all very funny

I'm blonde and thought is was hilarious

but did you "get" it?

 

[twisted-acres-farm]

thank you all I am in trouble "my get up and go left with out me "

 

[Yorkshire Coop]

but did you "get" it?

I'm blonde but I'm no dummy!!