Quote:
I am glad you didn't run "HER" over you can end up in a messey lawsuit over stuff like that and hate crime issues
grannys gone and done it
- Thread starter Granny Hatchet
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yyyeeeeezusss I pulled up on the page and backed the freak up!! poor guy!He's a beauty Sally
This is mine still in the vets just after having his bits off and coming round! My friend works at the vets as a nurse and this is what she got when she went in to check on him, he was not happy at all and didn't even want to be looked at.
others should too I am thinking about now
I do feel like that sometimes yes
My son and his dad are really into Christmas though and start on about it in November so I just dont get a choice!! They do spur me on more for it, I'm sure if it was not for them I would be more bar humbug!! Once you get your cards and packages done I'm sure you will feel more in the spirit of things. Do you think it could be also that you have been super busy and just not had a chance to think about it?
I bet he wished he had too
I am glad you didn't run "HER" over you can end up in a messey lawsuit over stuff like that and hate crime issues
Oh good lord my spelling again
Maybe it should be dyke? Ditch would have been better!
LOL - DS is the only one exempt from my policy and there's always DD --- though for both of their sakes grandchildren better be a long, LONG, way off............so in other words there will be no grandchildren ????And Mr Mare's log in name would be That ol' sorrel gelding
Oh good lord my spelling again
Maybe it should be dyke? Ditch would have been better!
LOL, I knew what you meant - though the slang can get tricky at times from one culture to another -- like Twist, I am "cultured" by television so can usually make out which version of a particular word someone might mean.
True story
I was hauling 4 guests from the motel to the airport one day and we drove by a road/street sign "Dickinson Dike" and the guy's wanted to know what that was, with out even thinking I said "that's a big ugly woman that wears flannel shirts, you don't want to meet her" They laughed themselves silly the rest of the way to the airport and them tipped my $50.00.
I was hauling 4 guests from the motel to the airport one day and we drove by a road/street sign "Dickinson Dike" and the guy's wanted to know what that was, with out even thinking I said "that's a big ugly woman that wears flannel shirts, you don't want to meet her" They laughed themselves silly the rest of the way to the airport and them tipped my $50.00.
GOOD morning all. Got another funny from my cousin will post it directly.
HERE YOU GO ENJOY !!!!!
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?” "Yes, they help me sleep at night." “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that that could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. and believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night." You gotta love Grandmas!!!
***
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”
***
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A.
***
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos." "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!“
***
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes". After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
***
A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and a free education!" The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican." The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America." The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks farther and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East. I am not American." He finally sees a woman and asks, "Are you an American?" She says, "No, I am from Africa." Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?" The African woman checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS, BY 11:30 AM TOMORROW, YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE.
***
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?” "Yes, they help me sleep at night." “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that that could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. and believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night." You gotta love Grandmas!!!
***
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!”
***
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A.
***
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos." "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!“
***
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes". After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
***
A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and a free education!" The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican." The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America." The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks farther and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East. I am not American." He finally sees a woman and asks, "Are you an American?" She says, "No, I am from Africa." Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?" The African woman checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS, BY 11:30 AM TOMORROW, YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE.
***
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
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