Great DH, bad dogs! another update page 11

[agnes_day]

it sounds like you guys have more going on than just the animals.
trust me, my husband and i went through that years ago and it didnt matter what it was, we would pick fights over it and someone would end up taking off for a day or so.
so glad those days are history!

 

[Elite Silkies]

Him leaving is just a tactic. This is my view only.....Not trying to start a war. My DH knows that if he leaves and does not come back home, he had better not come back at all.

It's not your attitude, I think he just needs it to be our fault. So, that it isn't his.

 

[Southernbelle]

I've been praying for you! I know exactly what you're going through. My DH is controlling and one of his hot buttons is my animals.

It's a tough road to travel, but I hope you're able to work it out.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
OOh dear, he left for the whole night!? As in didnt come home? If my husband ever did that hed find the door locks changed when he got home and his stuff outside...for real.
I agree with wifezilla, he needs to GTFU. I'm sorry you are going through this stress right now... the only other thing that i can think to tell you is, i remember the days of being in a stressful relationship..i was in one for 8 years. and i cried and was so heart broken and empty when we finally split..but you know what? After it was all said and done..i was actually RELIEVED to be out of it...the stress in my life just vanished..its SO hard to explain..but i do know that i'll never, ever be in that place again. I've already learned that i can survive alone and be truly happy...
ALSO..if i hadnt got out of that other relationship i would have never met my sweet husband. I still say..everything DOES happen for a reason..even if it hurts at the time.

 

[chickerdoodle]

Some folks say marriage is really hard. I say its not--if you both truly love each other. I watched all my friends get married and get divorced. I decided that I would stay single instead of settle. At 32 years of age I met my "Mr. Right, not "Mr. Good Enough," but the real "Mr. Right" for me. Seventeen years later we are still happily married and often act like newlyweds!

We had a serious issue with my health and he never gave up and I'm grateful. Oh we have a tiff now and then but we both realize what is silly or petty and what is important. We never allow ourselves to stay mad and compromise if we can't agree.

Life doesn't need to be so hard if you keep your wits about you and think about what's really important. Decide whats important for you and what's not. If you need help with that then seek counseling to help out find out. Counseling is a great tool--use it!
Good luck.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
My husband and I used to fight also. He was insecure and I had grown up in an abusive household and didn't want to ever give in. It took a few years for us to have a happy marriage. Now he is the love of my life. So, I know that rocky marriages can improve.

I think that part of our problem was our age when we married. Plus neither of us had parents who had healthy marriages.

The original poster's husband sounds as if he was being childish. But we are only getting one side of this story. I am not certain that at this point we should psychoanalyze this man. His problem might simply be that he is young. I am not saying that he is not controlling either. All I am saying is that we don't know yet.

I think that both of these individuals need marriage counseling.

My advice to the OP: Yes, set limits and know that you deserve respect. Don't accept disrespect. But you have to learn to argue in a more productive manner. Having an attitude(if you really do) is not a good thing. Just as he has to respect you, you need to return the respect. And yes, people can get very angry with one another and still be respectful.

It sounds as if now that discussion time has rolled around that you and he are having trouble.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
I think that your age made your marriage easier. As I already wrote, the beginning of my marriage was very rocky. But now we are soul mates. Just being older and more experienced made a world of difference in both of us.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

As much as I'll defend not wanting the dogs in the house I will also say that leaving for the night is childish and it isn't about the dogs. My foot does go down at walking out. Not coming home is a whole can of worms itself. He does need to grow up. When he's upset about something it's just easy to start up about something he sees as an irritant. There's a whole lot more going on than the dogs. Good luck.

 

[HenPen]

Quote:
I agree, its more then just the dogs,the OP said her DH gets mad/upset and leaves sometimes for days,that is a huge issue in a marriage...leaving for a walk/cool down before sitting to talk things out is one thing but I see no reason why he would need to leave overnight at all never mind a few days....

 

[SarahBeth9394]

He either has a parent that is close that he runs home to that doesn't have the gonads to tell him to man up, a close friend who is single or has a wife that doesn't get it, or an intruder in the marriage. Whoever is opening their home to him isn't helping the marriage.