Have absolutely just had it; I am really really losing my mind...

[featherbaby]

My heart goes out to you. Your integrity was trashed, your honor was tarnished, and your efforts were minimized...basically you were "neutralized". The unfairness of it all is the worst hurt of all. It makes me glad I'm an only child, even thought I bear all the responsibility for caring for my 86 year old mom (with dementia) in my home 24/7. At least I don't have to fight siblings and relatives. My mom is not able to think or remember and she accuses me of the most bizarre things (like "no one takes care of me, I guess I should just fall down and die....") that are SO far from the truth. It takes a special kind of strength to KNOW the truth in your own heart and not have to justify it to ANYONE else. You'll get there with a bit of practice.

When things get very very bad, I just do the SOUTHERN THING: "Look away.......Look away......." In the end the only thing we have even minimal control over is our own life with our own family and friends. Invest your hope, love and time in those and let these toxic people go. Joyce Meyer has a wonderful quote I want to share with you: "Give up all hope of making a better PAST, and move on." Some wreckage cannot be salvaged and you must walk away, never looking back at it. Your reward comes later.....and it will be FABULOUS! So, focus on that direction and find things to be grateful and happy about today. You are in my prayers.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

You know I tried to help with my grandma. That lasted all of about 3 months. She would complain to me that my sis wouldn't take her to the doctor. My sis was there a couple times a week. Nanny would call her and tell her she needed to go to the doctor so sis would set up the appointment and go to pick her up and when she'd get there nanny was feeling better and didn't need to go. It seemed she was always trying to create problems that didn't exist her last few years of life. So I told my mom and my sis that I wasn't helping anymore. They were fine with it because the stories stopped. When the time came that she needed 24/7 care (Alzheimer) I truly saw the depth of her controlling nature. Some things came out in the form of letters held secretly by her for 30 years that showed she was always playing games with others lives (mine in particular). Now I am glad she never wanted to know me.

 

[PineappleMama]

Well, given their nastiness I wouldn't be the least surprised if during their visits they weren't telling Grama what they wanted her to think of you... been a nasty habit of family members I know... seriously, it could be SO much worse. Won't go into it because I just get REALLY mad and upset but trust me.

I'd let them know, perhaps on FB so everyone you know can see your request, that all you'd really really REALLY love to have from your Grandparents home are pictures of your Daddy and Brother. Not worth any money to anyone, but would be so very valuable to you since they're gone. Maybe that you hope that's what's in the box your Aunt set aside for you, but that your so afraid of being disappointed that you haven't had the courage to look??

Maybe your greedy relatives will jump on it... take it as a written contract that you'll accept that and not ever demand any of the assets ... which seems to be all they care about... and maybe they'll actually give you the one thing you want? Might be worth a shot?? Or maybe I'm just so used to dealing with crazy and/or greedy buggers that I just assume everyone is... quite possible. *shrug*

You did your best by your family, even when they couldn't be bothered to do their best by you.

It's their loss.

 

[zippitydooda]

Quote:
This is, perhaps, the most beautiful thing I have ever read.
WOW.

 

[ChickensAreSweet]

Sometimes relatives aren't relatives because of the way they act.

Being treated worse than a stranger isn't a nice way to treat someone.

Forgive and forget I always say, but I sure won't let 'em near me again.

God bless you girl, and hold your head high. He knows what you have done for your family. What you sow you reap.

 

[Momagain1]

Thanks everyone...

FB has been kinda quiet except for my aunts email msg to me...

the others I'm not sure why; but I dont see much activity from the others the last few days...

kinda weird...

Hubby says ye we will go down saturday and get the box, as I'm praying it is the photos
and we offered to help clean up the last bit of the house..she hasnt answered that ugh...

but she did say she is starting at 10 am and if we werent down there, she will start throwing things out (trash)

not sure if she means what that box of mine is or the cannign jars..maybe both; it wasnt made specific to me..

I have given it up to God, He has really helped me realize that "THAT" portion of the family isnt whats important
to me anymore..it is my family I was able to save last yr...it is my daughter that is still alive this year when last
year she was trying to kill herself...
it is my son who had such extreme anxiety for the school he came home and would throw up/cry and go to bed immediately,
he would be bullied by a couple students, he was told by a teacher he was a waste of air/space in her classroom...it was Him
that now he is a straight A student by his tutor in English, avg'ing a B+ in Math, averaging a B in History and his self esteem is slowly
coming up..
It was my marriage that was falling apart and now my husband and I have such a strong bond I cant even believe that it was us last year..



THAT is whats important to me...now and forever!!! So they can well..just bite it...b'cuz my aunt KNEW I had issues w/my son in school
and all she did when she found out I pulled him was put things on my FB wall like; Wow, how are you getting any schooling done if you
are running around all the time or never home?? (sheesh; we dont need 8 hrs to school like PS students do...a couple hrs a day does it!)..
she never offered to help me find curriculum or offer support...
AND NEVER ONCE did anyone of them say they'd pray for Brittany when I said Brittany needs prayers NOW & IMMEDIATELY..nor did they inquire
to what was going on...

so obviously they didnt care enough about my family...why would I let them impact my life now? I cant and wont..and it ends now!! because like
I said..my family is whats important and my faith..without those two things..I'd rather die...

Thanks for listening guys! Great ideas!!!

 

[PineappleMama]

Quote:
I'd definitely call, email, or post about the photo thing. Entirely possible that the thought just never occurred to them and they'll hustle and get those into the box by the time you arrive. OR they might already be in there. Or they might just be buttheads. But you won't be denied such a gift simply because they didn't know you wanted it.

 

[Momagain1]

If I can get ahold of her and she'll answer me, thats a mighty fine idea

 

[Beekissed]

I'd say, if you are satisfied with how much you cared for and did for your grandparents, then don't worry about what these other people think. No one can make you feel bad or feel anything unless you let them. Take a deep breath and just let it all go. Life is short, time is precious, there are too many wonderful things with which to occupy your mind and time to let other people or events weigh you down.

I have a whole clan of evil family members that work 24/7 to try and make each other unhappy and work overtime to try and make ME unhappy. The good news is that they are the ones expending all the effort and ill will and placing those heavy burdens on their lives and it is all for naught....it doesn't affect me whatsoever because I have learned to love them, ignore their sad and pathetic attempts to involve me in their hatred, and forgive them their ignorance. I live light and free each day now and they continue to toil on with their hatred. Who's the winner?

Learn to let it go....

 

[featherbaby]

Quote:
I applaud you!!!!!!!!

Many, many unhappy people spend their whole lives in this kind of pain because they haven't learned what you just said. You have truly set yourself free and I admire you!

I was well on my way there in my relationship with my parents when they lived 650 miles away. My dad was loving and dear, my mom was toxic to me. I still maintained contact with them, but not often and not a deep relationship. Then everything changed. My dad had a stroke, mom has dementia and long story short, I had to rescue them and bring them to live with me 11 months ago. I remember saying to myself and others for the last 30 years that I would NEVER have my mom live with me under any circumstances. Well, God had other plans. I have lived in the fiery furnace for the last 11 months. My dad passed away about 3 months ago and I am the 24/7 caregiver for a mother who is wheelchair bound, throws tantrums like a 5-year old, can't remember anything from one minute to the next, and doesn't recognize me as her daughter (I'm their only child). All that said, I am beginning to get that mental peace and freedom back even though I am trapped in the house with her most of the time. Many days I feel like a prisoner and a slave, but I refuse to dwell on it and refuse to internalize the negative criticism, complaints, and anger that she spews out randomly through the day. If I can achieve the kind of freedom you have under these close quarters engagement.........I will be truly free.

Happiness is an 'inside job'.