hey married people i have a question (sry kinda long)

[Barnyard]

I got married when I was 17 to my high school sweetheart. I am still married to him today.
We learnt along time ago that nobody matter's but us. He is my bestfriend and I depend on him for everything. I am also a stay at home mom which makes it harder to make friends. I have 4 children and a whole lote of critter's that takes up most of my time.
I do have a someone that I talk to daily and that I am very close to that lives 2 houses down from me. She introduced herself to me 6 years ago and we have been best friends every since. It is very hard to keep friends being married but it can be done. I guess I look at things differnent than everybody else. I don't worry about having friends anymore. My main concern is my family and taking care of them. JMHO, GOODLUCK!!

 

[poppycat]

Ninny, I used to feel the same way. I was a young bride and then we moved across country two years later. My advise to you is to be not to be hard on yourself and also to realize that these things take TIME.

I've lived out West now for ten years and its only been the past three years or so that I've felt like I have some good friends. I've had some acquaintances that come and go too and those have been helpful in their own way.

But the dynamics of my friendships are very different than when I was younger. It's really hard to explain how (it probably has to do with having less free time.) Just don't write anyone off because of fundamental differences. My two best friends couldn't be any more different than I am in all ways. But they are both fun supportive people that I love having in my life.

You are smart to ask for advise and to join groups that interest you. I think you will do fine.

 

[Smoky73]

I find the same problem, though I am 34 and married, but most of the people my age have kids and they do kid things or talk about their kids. I do not have kids, so really cannot relate.
So, I do not have many friends either. Hubby and I do not socialize really, we are home bodies, but I have friends at work and until recently, I did not socialize outside of work with them. I now have one friend who is a few years older who is divorced and have only one child under 15. The other 4 are older. My other close friend is much older than me, 51, with no kids. Its hard to find people compatable, but it can happen.

 

[urbanhomesteader]

Meetups.com
The best place to find friends who "get you".
Check it out.

 

[Rosalind]

I got married at 22 and also found that most of my friends just did not "get" it. The older you get, though, the more you will meet couples your own age to hang out with, or other married ladies who also want someone to hang out with while hubby goes off hunting/fishing/watching football. It's partly an age thing.

I don't have kids, and some of my friends do--and those who do are the ones who make a concerted effort to have some "grownup time" away from their kids. Many of my school and work friends who had kids found their whole world revolved around their kids and they didn't have time for anyone else, so I'm not really friends with them anymore. It happens, you just kind of roll with it.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Life changes usually mean a change of friends, simply because interests change, and LIFE changed. You will keep some old friends and get new, but it might be slow going. When I got married most of my single friends fell by the wayside, not because we did not like each other any more, but because we had different time constraints, interests and responsibilities. I have very few of the same friends now that I have children. Again, my friends and I diverged and went our seperate ways. This can be sad, frustrating, and hard to understand. It is also completely natural and can be a joy and a time of discovery. My three best friends are ladies I met from running a playgroup ad in the neighborhood newletter. I had nothing in common with these women when we started, but now.....I could call at three in the morning, say I need help, and they would be there. We come from different backgrounds and situations but are the best of friends (one from India, one from Scotland, a Tejana, and me-Anglo girl from Alaska). It will get better. You'll have friends, especially with all the things you do. Just don't let it get you down.

 

[Dixiedoodle]

One question: are you trying too hard?


I have been married for 35yrs.

Step one: Get married and lost all my single friends--who were still dating, partying and qoute "havin' fun'.
Step two: Many of the ones that were married or getting married were so wrapped up in each other,the new job, their new houses, etc.... they had no time for other friends.
Step three: Kids---What friends did remain in limited contact completely stopped getting together after the kids came along.
Step four: We had 'friends' that were parents of our kids friends
Step five: College...and you loose contact with the friends that were kid's friends parents.
Step six: Empty nesters-
Step seven: GRandkids!!!

Thru all this I found friends by joining groups of like minded people: Beekeeper club, Fiber guild, Garden club.
I took nite classes at the community college that were continuing ed classes. I go to all the course offered thru the Cooperative Extension office And met several ladies that got together after the classes..

I prefered not to have my co=workers as close friends..although my very best friends was a co-worker and we have remained friends for 25yrs.. but we don't see each other often..gone on to different life styles--she never had kids-she and her dh live the 'jet-set' style..Scooting around the world, are yuppies..Huge house, luxury cars, --I have kids and grandkids and perfer the country life, and pick up trucks..

I guess the main lesson I have learned is that people come and go thru our lives.. Friends for a while and gone tomorrow.. Enjoy them and look forward to new stages in life with new/different folks... Good luck...Dixie

 

[swampducks]

Quote:
Then again, you can be the married couple without kids and the couples with kids start dropping you like a hot potato because you're not a soccer mom, etc and can't relate to them. I've actually had married firends who swore they would never have kids change their minds to "fit in!"

Any major life changes can alter your "friend dynamic".

But the OP is only 21, and could be trying too hard, if you appear desperate others may shy away. It takes time, like finding a significant other. Just go with the flow....

sd - married, childless, lots of furry and feathered animals though, and only one really good friend

 

[silkiechicken]

Just 21! Don't worry about it! You've got plenty of time to make friend! Just take them as they come and do the things you enjoy without worrying about others joining in. Someone is bound to come by and share your interests while you're out doing them and having a good time.

When ever your life style changes, so will your friends. There are a few exceptions in the world, but for the most part, you just gotta move on. I had a huge group of friends in HS, but rarely ever talk to them since we've all moved on. Really, I've only talked to two of them, just two, since graduating 4 years ago.

I have a few good college friends now, but who knows how much we'll be talking after this June when we all graduate and head off to our graduate/med programs across the US. I won't sweat it though, wish them the best and let what happens happen. Besides, the person who I talk to the most and share the most interests with, (read drag into my interests), is my SO. And you're married to yours!

 

[sred98]

I agree with Dixiedoodle...try some classes at the Community College. That is a great place to meet people that share similar interests. You could take some fun continuing education classes, and find a new favorite hobby, and a friend to share it with!

I also have found that local clubs, such as Garden or Quilting clubs, or Photography, whatever you like, are a great way to meet people.

Keep walking your puppy, Kiowa! Pets are great ice breakers!

Good luck!

S