hey married people i have a question (sry kinda long)

[Rare Feathers Farm]

Quote:
Mmmmmm.......'chicken club' your making me hungry!!!!! ya know, friends are over-rated....... a few more pets is all ya need. They will treat you better, but you might have to share your 'chicken club', so get 2

Ha, that's what I've been doing. "Collecting friends." They do have fur or feathers, though! LOL

 

[Slike]

Not married but perhaps my "outsider" stance here might help to clarify what's going on with people.

I'm probably weird in that I like hanging out with much older people (I'm 19, and prefer friends of like 40+). I did have my group of friends who were all within 5 years of me on either side "growing up", but as they decide to go off and get married I just totally lose touch with them. They change too much and are no longer the person I used to love to chill with. Common ground seeps away, conversation is like.... what on earth happened, they move, their personalities do backflips, and to be totally honest I just find witnessing all this depressing. I like to talk about and do things out in nature; hiking; hunting; fishing; outrigging; camping; etc. Where we used to do this sorta stuff all the time at the drop of a hat, they no longer have any time or perhaps interest for it. The things that our relationships were built on totally dissintegrated and I'm left with this "what happened?" sort of feeling, you know?

So I guess in conclusion, the reason people act like they do is maybe they had bad experiences in the past like this, with friends going weird on them that made them want to avoid married people. Finding a talking point, hobby, w/e and letting them know that you're not totally lost to them and their world is the best way I would say to reach them. Hope this helps, heh.

 

[dangerouschicken]

other than family, I only have poultry friends

 

[ctcasper]

I know just how you feel. I was married when I was 18, had my first baby when I was 20 then another when I was 21. My life has been about kids and my husband and I love that, but sometimes I feel pretty lonely. I do have one really good friend, but I moved about 15 miles farther away from her and with gas prices as high as they are we haven't visited near enough this year. We talk on the phone a lot though. Otherwise I have some friends that we moved next to that I expected to see more often, but they have no kids and work full time ( I stay home with my two children) so I still feel lonely a lot. One of them is going to have a baby in July and is going to stay home with the baby, so maybe that will help.
Otherwise, these ladies have had good advice so far, get involved, take matters into your own hands and invite people over that you are interested in being friends with., one on one so you can talk. You sound just like me, we have BBQ's with lots of people sometimes too, but you don't get the one on one friendship type time. Anyway, good luck, and we could always be long distance friends.....where are you from???
Tara

 

[Buff Hooligans]

When people get married, they do have to make their spouses a priority. And your time isn't really your own anymore. You're not so free, but that's the bargain you make when you get married.

I'm married but don't have or want kids. When my friends have gotten pregnant and had kids, they changed totally too. Suddenly you have to love their kids as much as they do. Count me out. (Like when I get Christmas cards with only their kids in the picture - I don't know or care about the kids, where's my FRIEND?) I don't feel bad about backing out of those friendships. They have a new life now, and I bet they don't even notice that I'm gone.

I suppose it's all part of the cycle of life. Sooner or later, we all lose our spouses and/or children, and we're back alone, where we started. Hopefully friends who have been by the wayside will step back up to the forefront again.

 

[PurpleChicken]

Remember that most people can count their best or true friends on one hand.

There will be plenty of people that come into your life that will still be good friends
and influencial to you, folks you can "hang out" with. Nothing wrong with that.

It sounds like your just stuck in a rut and maybe a bit insecure. You are a young
bride compared to most these days. You may find a 31 year old newly married
woman and become great friends. You just never know what is next. Most
of my closest friends have been 10 to 20 years older than me.

Be yourself and people will be drawn to you.

Good thread.

 

[miss_thenorth]

What PC says is true. i have only one real good friend, and many casual friends. My "real" friend irritates me sometimes, i don't always agree with her, but I know i can always count on her if I need to, and I know that if i need to tell her what's up or the other way around, we will still be friends. She often compares us to an old married couple without the sex part. We laugh together, argue, have fun, disagree, help each other out, etc etc. And you do need to meet alot of ppl to find one true friend. It will take time, and it's true you need to make an effort. go out, be freindly, smile alot, and talk to ppl.

Good luck!

 

[spook]

I have been in a commited relationship for 8 years, I know to some that isn' t much, but that is ok, we all have to start someplace. Many are right that single folk are not the best roll models in a marrage.
Ninny, you sound like an intellegent and good person, don't take the not having friends yet to personal! It is a faze and will pass soon as long as you keep your chin up and walk that puppy! He will atleast keep you company, somewhat entertained until he makes someone else laugh along with you.
Make yourself a constant in these peoples lives and they may warm up to you. People today fear others, outsiders or even the mail man...can't blame them either. Its hard taking that first step in going to someone elses home, or opening up your home to them.
You will meet friends as long as you keep this positive attitude- don't give up. (God doesn't bring you to it, if he wasn' t going to see you through it!)

 

[LoneCowboy]

I didn't get married until I was 42 (3 yrs ago tomorrow

)

I also moved to another state so I left all my friends behind. I've had trouble finding friends here since DH is a hermit and I have tendancies that way too. So, what you do is invite another couple from your church or other group over for "Date Night" even if they have children, "Date night" means leave them home. Have them come for dinner and play games. We've done this several times and we've really enjoyed having people over.

 

[seismic wonder2]

Try joining a group activity. Or take a beginner's class in something you thought you'd never be good at.

I took up paragliding and met lots of people and made a friend or two. we call each other to go flying someplace or compare notes etc...

I'm also in a Gold Prospecting club. We have outings to various club owned sites to camp out and dig for gold. Great fun around the bonfire at night.