hey married people i have a question (sry kinda long)

[scrapmom5]

I think it does get easier with kids. The first few years were slow but after that it grew. Once the kids are in school, sports, and have their little friends you won't remember what it was like to be lonely...if fact you will wish you had some alone time once in while...at least enough time to get the housework done or to just read a good book.

 

[Break an Egg]

I can see where it would be hard at your age. At 21, most are unmarried and don't understand the commitment you have to your husband.

I would just start asking people over for dinner. Other couples like the two of you.

Also, go and get out of the house. I have 5 kids over here and it is true that I make most friends thru our kids, but you can go to community events and meet people near you.

Lastly, don't wait for all the lights to turn green before you go.

 

[debbyluvschickens]

There are soooo many ways to meet new people once you have kids!!! Play dates, trips to the parks, T ball, then when they start school, you will meet the parents of your kids friends. Children make friends sooo easily, and that opens all kinds of doors for friends.

 

[SterlingAcres]

Hmm... I guess I would suggest finding a group or activity that you're interested in. There's bound to be someone there to talk too.

I have one friend that I've known since the 2nd grade. She's absolutely nothing like me, but she's a good friend. She's got my back if I need anything.
An old high school acquaintance recently found me and it's odd how people change over the years. I'm nothing like I was in high school and I think that threw her for a loop. But I enjoy talking to her, since her kids are close in age to mine and her lifestyle goals are the same as mine. She mentioned a few days ago that it's hard for her to make friends her age, since most are single or childless, and the ones with kids seem to want to drop the kids off with anyone else so they can go out. I have to say, I agree there. I find myself pushing away from other people I know, due to their lifestyle or parenting choices. I know it's not right, but I don't want to waste my time being surrounded by people who don't really care about me or mine...

But I would have to say, that my DH is my best friend. We have so much fun together with the kids, I don't really feel like I'm lacking on the friend issue. I'm 23 years old and to be honest, I have NOTHING in common with the people my age in town. I would just rather not associate with them. I have more fun visiting my grandparents than talking to old friends from school. At least my grandparents can teach me things worth knowing, like how to make good homemade soup... not how to get in as many drinks as I can before the bar closes.

I was told once that if you have ONE true friend your whole life, that you should consider yourself lucky. You're married, so you obviously found yours.

 

[lurky]

Quote:
Mmmmmm.......'chicken club' your making me hungry!!!!! ya know, friends are over-rated....... a few more pets is all ya need. They will treat you better, but you might have to share your 'chicken club', so get 2

 

[miss_thenorth]

Even though I have been married for a long time, when we moved from up north to Windsor, i had a hard time finding freinds. i didn't wnat to get too close to my niehgbours--good fences make good neighbours, imo. My kids were older so we didn't do play groups anymore.

So I started volunteering. i joined bible studies at my church. At our church they had what was called Monday night life, where several classes, faith building ones but also human interest like scrapbooking, quilting, learning sign language etc. maybe you couldorganize something like that, or start a young couple club form your church, and even expand to other churches. Maybe start a coffee club for women at your church, and meet Saturday mornings at a restaurant, (my mom does this--everybody knows its an ongoing thing, and if you can make it you go, if not, go next time.) they have been doing this for years, since I was young, and the talk is--you going for coffe on Saturday? yep- I'lll be there!

And yes, my hubby is my best friend, but you do need to have other friends.

good luck!

 

[fullhouse]

At 20 I married a 31 yo man. My friends were at a different point in life, and my dh's friends wives were and are my friends, despite the age difference. Since you married an older man, why have issue with older friends?

 

[meriruka]

I have the opposite problem, I'm old and never married, no kids.
There is no one over 40 who falls into that group!

Fortunately, I do have a friend at work, we do lunch, but rarely do anything in "off hours". Even so, I've found that work is the best place to make friends, it's sort of a level playing field and you do spend a lot of time there, so have a better chance at finding a friend, especially if your first impression puts people off in some way, coworkers have more opportunity to get past that.

You idea of volunteer work is a good one as well.

 

[lizardz]

Yeah, it is hard making friends as you get older - everyone is so focused on their lives which are so busy, etc. Kids are definitely the answer - you have to arrange play dates and all and you just kind of naturally fall together

Okay, while there's some truth to this, don't rush into anything. I formed a women's group - I invited a few women I knew and asked them to invite anyone they thought would like to get together once a month. While I didn't gain a lot of good friends from there, I did get a couple. And I would volunteer - sounds like you're involved at your church, so volunteer for events - things you have to get together in a committe or something to do. Knitting, crocheting, quilting groups, all good. Volunteering at the animal shelter will feed your soul, but from my experience won't really create much of an opportunity to meet many people as everyone comes at their time to do what they need to do and then leaves. Good luck - it is definitely a challenge. I've been married 19 years and hubby is 10 years older. I still have a few friends from before, but not many.
Liz

 

[Guitartists]

Hmmm...I've never had a TON of friends..... but I have always had a hard time finding people I share common ground and interests with. Even now that I am 30, it is still hard. It seems that the area in which we live breeds the wrong kind of people for me. Even my mother has a hard time... all her friends want to do is go to the bar or on the rare occassion that she makes a friend that isn't a barfly... they usually have more money and want to do things that she cannot afford to do.

It's difficult sometimes... but it sounds like you are on the right track... find people who share your interests.... but, yeah, I too am a bit baffled why you snub DH's friends because they are older. ???????

Just about all of my friends have been older than me. It's the only way I can find any common ground. No one my age is into the things I am. I have a few friends that are BUSY BUSY BUSY and they never have time to do much of anything..... but it's still cool when there is that rare occassion to get together and do something fun. Don't give up on your married friends so quickly.... sometimes life is chaotic, but eventually there is time for fun