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How a seat belt changed my life. Book is OUT! Pg. 21 for info!
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- #163
- Jul 31, 2010
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LAST chapter
If you find any typos PLEASE let me know!
Chapter 10 How a seat belt changed my life
The bullying at school continued for about a two years until I could walk again without using crutches and no limping. Life at school was tough, because it made me feel unsafe. Every day I would get called Scarface and everyone laughed because it was funny for them, but not for me. That brought my self-esteem really low.
When I went to high school I thought the bullying would stop and it did, but the damage was done already. I could no longer look at my reflection because of fear. The only time I would at myself in the mirror was when I got ready for school or a special event, but after that I would avoid everything that would reflect my face.
When my freshman year in high school was almost over, I met this person that made me feel good about myself. Her name was Miranda and I couldnt be more thankful to God for placing her in my way, because every time I would hang out with her I would totally forget about anything that made me feel uncomfortable. When school was over I was sad because she was the only true friend I had at that school and I wouldnt be able to see her everyday anymore.
During the summer break a lot of bad things happened to me. I was starting to eat a lot every time I got scared, especially when we went somewhere in my moms van because I was still traumatized. Later on I was starting to get chubby and people started calling me fat. At first I ignored them because it was no big deal, but they continued to call me fat and that affected me a lot. Now I was concerned about my weight, just like most girls are. When we went back to school I always took my jacket with me so that it could cover my fat, because now I was afraid that the bullying at school would start again.
I was now a sophomore in high school and I spent most of the time with my friend Miranda and covering my fat. Miranda was still the same girl I met a year ago, but this time I couldnt forget the things that made me feel uncomfortable. Now there were two things affecting me, my reflection and fat.
Life at school was starting to get tough again because I was worried about my weight and face and nothing could help me feel better because I would keep things like these to myself.
Around December of 2009 I met another friend named Joanna. Now I spent most of the time with her because she was my new best friend and we had a lot of things in common. She made me feel like my old self again! Summer break was coming again and I did not want it to come because I would miss my two friends, but there was no way I could stop it.
In January of 2010 at 3am I woke up to this horrible pain in my stomach. The pain started to get worse and worse to the point where I couldnt stand it anymore. I woke my mom up and told her that my stomach was hurting a lot. I told her to take me to the hospital, but she told me to wait until 5am and call my dad when he got out of work so that he could take me. I layed down on the couch and tried to sleep, but I couldnt because it was the worst pain I had ever felt since the car wreck. I went to wake my mom up once again and told her to take me to the emergency room because I felt like I was dying. So we went to the hospital and they told me that I had to get surgery in my spleen because it was bad. They asked me if something had happened to my spleen before because it looked like it was damaged. I told them that I had damaged my spleen in a car wreck and they said that maybe my spleen got weak and I damaged it again somehow. So I got surgery and when I woke up I was so relieved! The pain was finally gone, but the stitches burned a little.
A few months later we were in summer break again, now I was going to be a junior in high school and just like last summer, bad things started to come. I never wanted to leave my room, because that was the only place that could make me feel safe. I felt really insecure, I couldnt trust anyone; not even my mother. After weeks of being trapped in my room I started to feel lonely especially since my sister was already 18 and was living with her boyfriend.
A few days after my birthday, July 8th, I wanted to go to a psychologist because I was feeling very sad and lonely. I told my mom a few times to take me to one, but she said that they charged too much so instead I did a research on my computer and got a help line number. I called them and told them all my problems. I told them that I cried almost every night because I hated myself and that I felt lonely in this world. They asked me tons of questions and at the end they told me that I had a bad case of major depressive disorder and that I needed to get help immediately. Unfortunately I couldnt get help because I did not want my mom to know about this. She would sometimes not take me serious and laugh. Thats why I did not want her to know about the disorder I had because she would just probably laugh. I decided to keep it a secret forever, because I thought it wasnt that bad.
When we went back to school in August 2010 my friend Joanna told me that I should get a haircut because she said it looked like I was wearing a wig. Now I was worried about my hair because it apparently looked like a wig. So I got a haircut the next day, because I would be embarrassed if people at school started to think that I was wearing a wig.
Things just kept adding! First it was my reflection, then my weight, and now my hair. Whats next?
I was tired of all of this! I just wanted to end everything, but I couldnt because I did not want to hurt anyone by committing suicide especially after I had met a new friend over the internet named Liz. I always told Liz all my secrets, because I felt comfortable talking to her. I told her about my major depressive disorder and just like everyone else she told me to get help, but I did not want help because I did not wanted my mom to find out.
A few months later my hair was long again and Joanna started saying that I was wearing my wig again. That same day after school I went to get a haircut because I got sad and offended when she said I had a wig on. When I came home from getting my haircut my mom told me that my new haircut made my cheeks look big. Now I was worried about my chubby cheeks! I hated my life more than ever.
As the time passed by I was diagnosed with new disorders. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, social anxiety disorder, and other harmful disorders. I was still keeping all of this a secret, because I did not want my mom to find out otherwise she would probably just laugh.
The major depressive disorder started to get worse and worse. I was now getting frequent suicidal thoughts, frequent panic attacks, and I was sad all the time. There has been a few times that Ive cried during school, because I get sad when I think how happy I was before the car wreck. Thankfully I knew how to cover myself when I cried, otherwise if someone saw me crying then that would be the end of my life.
If only I couldve just never unbuckled my seat belt. Everything would be completely different. I would have been the happiest guy ever. I wouldnt of been having those suicidal thoughts, being shy, being a reserved person, and all those horrible things that Im dealing with now. I just wish there was an undo button in life so that I could go back to that day where my life completely changed. I regret taking it off because now Im a disaster. I get offended easily and I take things too seriously, but its part of depression and I have to get used to it.
I thank god that Im still here today because I wouldve make a big mistake if I had committed suicide.
Everyone please wear your seat belt! Its really hard for me to be happy again, because my life sucks now. I took my seat belt off for just a few seconds that day and unfortunately we crashed. All those scars on my face changed my life because people started bullying me. They didnt realize they were hurting me emotionally. After all that bullying I started to get weak and now just to hear that something is wrong about my physical appearance I would take it VERY serious and make a big deal out of it, like my chubby cheeks which I still hate. All of this could have been prevented if I was wearing my seat belt.
Imagine how my life would have been if I was wearing my seat belt? My sister got only a few bruises for wearing her seat belt and my dad just a cut in his cheek. Maybe if I was wearing my seat belt I wouldve just gotten something as simple as a bruise. The bullying wouldve been prevented and I wouldve been strong and ignored all the people judging. Depression would have never existed in my life! Please take my advice really, really serious! Now I cant look at myself in the mirror more than one time a day and I have to cover my fat at school every single day! And I cant hide my horrible chubby cheeks! I cry day and night because Im unhappy. I just wanted to live a normal and happy life, but I ruined my chance just because of a stupid seat belt!
Thank you all for following my story and God bless you all! I wish you all the best in life and I hope that you nor anyone close to you ever has to experience what Im experiencing at this moment. I would never wish this on everyone, not even if I hated them with a passion.
If a car wreck doesnt hurt you physically, it will hurt you emotionally
and I mean it
BTW, the paragraphs are a bit off, but I'll fix them in a min...
If you find any typos PLEASE let me know!
Chapter 10 How a seat belt changed my life
The bullying at school continued for about a two years until I could walk again without using crutches and no limping. Life at school was tough, because it made me feel unsafe. Every day I would get called Scarface and everyone laughed because it was funny for them, but not for me. That brought my self-esteem really low.
When I went to high school I thought the bullying would stop and it did, but the damage was done already. I could no longer look at my reflection because of fear. The only time I would at myself in the mirror was when I got ready for school or a special event, but after that I would avoid everything that would reflect my face.
When my freshman year in high school was almost over, I met this person that made me feel good about myself. Her name was Miranda and I couldnt be more thankful to God for placing her in my way, because every time I would hang out with her I would totally forget about anything that made me feel uncomfortable. When school was over I was sad because she was the only true friend I had at that school and I wouldnt be able to see her everyday anymore.
During the summer break a lot of bad things happened to me. I was starting to eat a lot every time I got scared, especially when we went somewhere in my moms van because I was still traumatized. Later on I was starting to get chubby and people started calling me fat. At first I ignored them because it was no big deal, but they continued to call me fat and that affected me a lot. Now I was concerned about my weight, just like most girls are. When we went back to school I always took my jacket with me so that it could cover my fat, because now I was afraid that the bullying at school would start again.
I was now a sophomore in high school and I spent most of the time with my friend Miranda and covering my fat. Miranda was still the same girl I met a year ago, but this time I couldnt forget the things that made me feel uncomfortable. Now there were two things affecting me, my reflection and fat.
Life at school was starting to get tough again because I was worried about my weight and face and nothing could help me feel better because I would keep things like these to myself.
Around December of 2009 I met another friend named Joanna. Now I spent most of the time with her because she was my new best friend and we had a lot of things in common. She made me feel like my old self again! Summer break was coming again and I did not want it to come because I would miss my two friends, but there was no way I could stop it.
In January of 2010 at 3am I woke up to this horrible pain in my stomach. The pain started to get worse and worse to the point where I couldnt stand it anymore. I woke my mom up and told her that my stomach was hurting a lot. I told her to take me to the hospital, but she told me to wait until 5am and call my dad when he got out of work so that he could take me. I layed down on the couch and tried to sleep, but I couldnt because it was the worst pain I had ever felt since the car wreck. I went to wake my mom up once again and told her to take me to the emergency room because I felt like I was dying. So we went to the hospital and they told me that I had to get surgery in my spleen because it was bad. They asked me if something had happened to my spleen before because it looked like it was damaged. I told them that I had damaged my spleen in a car wreck and they said that maybe my spleen got weak and I damaged it again somehow. So I got surgery and when I woke up I was so relieved! The pain was finally gone, but the stitches burned a little.
A few months later we were in summer break again, now I was going to be a junior in high school and just like last summer, bad things started to come. I never wanted to leave my room, because that was the only place that could make me feel safe. I felt really insecure, I couldnt trust anyone; not even my mother. After weeks of being trapped in my room I started to feel lonely especially since my sister was already 18 and was living with her boyfriend.
A few days after my birthday, July 8th, I wanted to go to a psychologist because I was feeling very sad and lonely. I told my mom a few times to take me to one, but she said that they charged too much so instead I did a research on my computer and got a help line number. I called them and told them all my problems. I told them that I cried almost every night because I hated myself and that I felt lonely in this world. They asked me tons of questions and at the end they told me that I had a bad case of major depressive disorder and that I needed to get help immediately. Unfortunately I couldnt get help because I did not want my mom to know about this. She would sometimes not take me serious and laugh. Thats why I did not want her to know about the disorder I had because she would just probably laugh. I decided to keep it a secret forever, because I thought it wasnt that bad.
When we went back to school in August 2010 my friend Joanna told me that I should get a haircut because she said it looked like I was wearing a wig. Now I was worried about my hair because it apparently looked like a wig. So I got a haircut the next day, because I would be embarrassed if people at school started to think that I was wearing a wig.
Things just kept adding! First it was my reflection, then my weight, and now my hair. Whats next?
I was tired of all of this! I just wanted to end everything, but I couldnt because I did not want to hurt anyone by committing suicide especially after I had met a new friend over the internet named Liz. I always told Liz all my secrets, because I felt comfortable talking to her. I told her about my major depressive disorder and just like everyone else she told me to get help, but I did not want help because I did not wanted my mom to find out.
A few months later my hair was long again and Joanna started saying that I was wearing my wig again. That same day after school I went to get a haircut because I got sad and offended when she said I had a wig on. When I came home from getting my haircut my mom told me that my new haircut made my cheeks look big. Now I was worried about my chubby cheeks! I hated my life more than ever.
As the time passed by I was diagnosed with new disorders. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, social anxiety disorder, and other harmful disorders. I was still keeping all of this a secret, because I did not want my mom to find out otherwise she would probably just laugh.
The major depressive disorder started to get worse and worse. I was now getting frequent suicidal thoughts, frequent panic attacks, and I was sad all the time. There has been a few times that Ive cried during school, because I get sad when I think how happy I was before the car wreck. Thankfully I knew how to cover myself when I cried, otherwise if someone saw me crying then that would be the end of my life.
If only I couldve just never unbuckled my seat belt. Everything would be completely different. I would have been the happiest guy ever. I wouldnt of been having those suicidal thoughts, being shy, being a reserved person, and all those horrible things that Im dealing with now. I just wish there was an undo button in life so that I could go back to that day where my life completely changed. I regret taking it off because now Im a disaster. I get offended easily and I take things too seriously, but its part of depression and I have to get used to it.
I thank god that Im still here today because I wouldve make a big mistake if I had committed suicide.
Everyone please wear your seat belt! Its really hard for me to be happy again, because my life sucks now. I took my seat belt off for just a few seconds that day and unfortunately we crashed. All those scars on my face changed my life because people started bullying me. They didnt realize they were hurting me emotionally. After all that bullying I started to get weak and now just to hear that something is wrong about my physical appearance I would take it VERY serious and make a big deal out of it, like my chubby cheeks which I still hate. All of this could have been prevented if I was wearing my seat belt.
Imagine how my life would have been if I was wearing my seat belt? My sister got only a few bruises for wearing her seat belt and my dad just a cut in his cheek. Maybe if I was wearing my seat belt I wouldve just gotten something as simple as a bruise. The bullying wouldve been prevented and I wouldve been strong and ignored all the people judging. Depression would have never existed in my life! Please take my advice really, really serious! Now I cant look at myself in the mirror more than one time a day and I have to cover my fat at school every single day! And I cant hide my horrible chubby cheeks! I cry day and night because Im unhappy. I just wanted to live a normal and happy life, but I ruined my chance just because of a stupid seat belt!
Thank you all for following my story and God bless you all! I wish you all the best in life and I hope that you nor anyone close to you ever has to experience what Im experiencing at this moment. I would never wish this on everyone, not even if I hated them with a passion.
If a car wreck doesnt hurt you physically, it will hurt you emotionally
and I mean it
- Thread starter
- #164
- Jul 31, 2010
- 24
- 0
- 22
now y'all may post
First of all
You may not feel like anybody important but you've given me a glimpse of a very special, courageous young man. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!
I do think about it when I get in my van and make sure we are all buckled in tight. Thank you so much for the courage to share your story!
You may not feel like anybody important but you've given me a glimpse of a very special, courageous young man. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!
I do think about it when I get in my van and make sure we are all buckled in tight. Thank you so much for the courage to share your story!
Quote:
Thank YOU for reading my story! now you know how to avoid what I did
And another thing. This inspired me to make a story out of the most traumatic thing that ever happene to me. Not as bad as yours, but now that it's in words, I've dealt with it. The hate, bitterness and anger is gone. I cannot possibly thank you enough for that.
Skitz,
I am so glad you shared your story with us. You have brought renewed awareness to the importance of wearing a seatbelt. I know that I will always remember your story everytime I buckle up and will probably share your experience with anyone around me that thinks they don't need to. You may have saved some lives just by posting.
I also think you should seek help for your depression and other issues that resulted from the accident. You do not have to live your life feeling insecure. I know you are scared your family will find out and judge you but you have to do what is best for YOU. I have no doubt you have the courage to do it, after all, you just shared your secrets and fears with all of us. That took a lot of strength!
I wish you luck in everything you do and look forward to seeing you around the forum.
BTW- I always liked chubby cheeks.
I am so glad you shared your story with us. You have brought renewed awareness to the importance of wearing a seatbelt. I know that I will always remember your story everytime I buckle up and will probably share your experience with anyone around me that thinks they don't need to. You may have saved some lives just by posting.
I also think you should seek help for your depression and other issues that resulted from the accident. You do not have to live your life feeling insecure. I know you are scared your family will find out and judge you but you have to do what is best for YOU. I have no doubt you have the courage to do it, after all, you just shared your secrets and fears with all of us. That took a lot of strength!
I wish you luck in everything you do and look forward to seeing you around the forum.
BTW- I always liked chubby cheeks.
- Dec 21, 2009
- 1,433
- 17
- 153
Quote:
GREAT STORY!!!!! You should seek help, though.... I seeked help for my anxiety, and now I can live a rather "average" life.
GREAT STORY!!!!! You should seek help, though.... I seeked help for my anxiety, and now I can live a rather "average" life.
- Feb 22, 2011
- 10
- 0
- 22
Your story is amazing, it must have been so tough to deal with that everyday. I'm praying for you!
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