I am sooo not coping right now.

[oesdog]

Quote:
There is another thread about her DH's heart problems; he really is doing as much and more than he physically should--other than being willing to go to the emergency room when he needs to.

Thanks for that. - actually Dh is very ill right now and he is at risk of another heart attack. He works incredibly hard and to have to sit and rest is a real challenge to him. So please don't down on my DH he is a very sweet man who I love so much - that is why its so hard because he simply cannot do the things we as a family need anymore and if he does it is not at all good news for him. That is why I take the responsibility I do!!!!!!!!!!! As for his pills actually he has a great many of them to take and we sort them out together. Anyone who is post cardiac surgery will tell you there are many pills involved. To add to complications my DH is on constant morphine due to his spine starting to collapse and he also has issues with his arms and elbows. He gets trigger fingers as well which means they stick curled up and are excrusiatingly painful to straighten out. Despite all of this pain he struggles everyday to do his best for us all.

As for helping my Daughter - Dotty does suffer from depression she is a new mommy as Jess is just a year old today. Dotty is a very good mommy but she has her hands full with caring for her own home and partner and baby and managing her own stress which she needs to do as SHE ALSO HAS A HEART CONDITION! As for pills Dd isn't disabled she manages her own very well! And she also comes over here everyday to help out as much as she can with both of her disabled brothers and around our home doing things DH can't do on his own like paintng the fences last week!!!!!! .

My eldest son lives with his partner in the city and he works all hours god sends. So does his partner as they are saving to get married, buy a house and move to France as his partner is French. They are nearly 30yrs old I cannot dictate to them what to do. They come over as often as possible but they both work, also over the weekends and odd shifts so it is hard for them to get time off together let alone come all the way out here. They are despirate to get their own home and all sorted as they want their own children before too much longer - how can I say anything against that. They are 'Normal' young folk working hard for their future and that is how it should be. They shouldn't have to keep running home to sort out this place, when they move to France we will see them even less and I cannot grow to rely on them when they are not going to stay in the country.

As for DH he was at the cardiac unit last week and we are back there again tomorrow - he has elivated T waves and has very low BP and heart rate.
Thanks for asking anyhow but he does honestly do all he can and too much at times for his own good.

Oesdog

- As for the beer yes it sure does HELP me relax - you almost imply that I take it to get drunk which I actually find insulting. My DH makes his own wine and beer which is lovely and we have a healthy respect for it or I would have hit the bottom of the bottle by now for sure!!!!

 

[annaraven]

Hi sweetie - so glad to see you posting here so you can get support from more folks.

 

[oesdog]

Quote:
Hi Annaraven - yes I am struggling a bit and I guess I need a few friends to give me a virtual hug! Thanks!!!!

Oesdog

 

[sumi]

I've just replied to a home brewer on another thread, your DH perhaps?

Mine wants to start brewing beer soon. I'm not so crazy about the stuff myself, but I'll probably help him drink it, you know. It makes you relax
Personally I sometimes climb into a wine bottle myself when I need to chill and that's O.K. It's better than pills that gets you hooked and end up making you feel worse, so you take more pills...
I really worry about you, things sound terrible your side. Make sure you take care of yourself too. And if you need to vent we're here for you. If I didn't live halfway round the planet from you guys, I'd have come to help you. Take you out for a drink or something

 

[ladyride]

Many thoughts & prayers for you as you struggle for your son & seeking appropriate medical care for your spouse. Your plate is obviously full & needs sideboards to hold it all. Your only break from life is your computer, you are not alone. Hope you know the real love & compassion along with alot prayers coming your way. By the way sweetie have that beer or glass of wine when you find the time which I am sure is rare & enjoy it for the scant few minutes you may have available to you. Your life is truly complicated right now, but if you have any kind of respite services available to you try to take advantage of it. those 1-2 hours a week of respite care makes all the difference in the world in your outlook. It gives you a chance to step back, see if you need to make any changes in the way you do things, or what do you need to plan for in the coming week. Many churches also offer this service as well. Again many good thoughts & prayers for you during this difficult time you are going through.

 

[oesdog]

Quote:
Thanks much - Yes I do escape to the computer a lot! If it was not for my BYC friends I think I would go crazy! And yes I will and do take a glass of wine or a drink of beer and I am going to enjoy it. I can tell you it rightly turns me off of folk and churches when I get preached down to because I happen to like the odd glass! I mean I am not exactly a drunk for drinking a glass of wine God knows I don;t even have that priviladge as I have to finction. Who else is going to look after everyone and keep them all safe! Thankfully Danny is back in day care which means for a few hours we get a bit of restbite from him. Though the other lad is constantly over here and sometimes DH gets a bit clingy when he gets frightened of the darn chest pains so its not exactly freedom!

We don;t actually go to Church now though I am a believer - thing is we tried a lot of churches and its not easy to settle in with a young man like Danny. He used to love all the singing and all that but now the noise and too many folk get the better of him. Thing is to tell the truth - well Danny couldn't go stay with the baby group because he got too big and then he couldn't go to Sunday school with the bigger kids because he got upset and disruptive and they couldn't cope with him. Then of course he couldn't stay in the service either as he would screech and make odd sounds and interupt the sermon and all sorts. He would get a bit well difficult. We would end up going to church and find ourselves wheeling him about the corradors or out in the car park in the end you get tired of that lark. So we just gave up and decided it would be better to stay home and watch the service they put on the telly. So that is exactly what we do now. Perhaps not the best answer but folk have stopped complaining.

I think really the end came years ago for us when DH was told he couldn't keep playing his gutiar in the worship band because " he was not attending the service!" Actualy the truth was once the worship time was over he would come take Danny from me and I would go teach Sunday school. Then he would take Danny into the Moms and tots baby area because they had toys and stuff Danny could play with and he could make a lot of noise if he wanted. DH could get a cuppa and talk with other parents and also watch the sevrice on the link - but apparently that didn;t count as "attending the service". Note that NO ONE OFFERED TO MIND DANNY WHILE HE DID GO INTO THE ACTUAL SERVICE!!! So that was that and we got the clear message that Danny made going to chuch impossible. We never go to a church biulding now though we have tried on occations with little difference in attitude here. We do have close Christian friends who we meet with and enjoy. However we have never been offered any real help with Danny. Except for one lady who got attacked by him and after he bit her and nearly crashed her car while she was driving- um well you can guess what happened to the friendship! Not easy being socialy upwardly mobile when you have a child who is so obviously not socialy accaptable. It hurt but were over it and we have moved on. We donlt rely on religious help now! We feel we don't need that kind of help really - we were even told once that we must have committed some terrible sin to be landed with a child like Danny - I was sooo mad - that attitude put me off church groups a great deal!!!!!!! thanks for bringing it up.

Oesdog

 

[sumi]

I left my church because of the attitudes, you know. Holy on Sundays and looking down on everyone and going out and not living any religion the rest of the week. They don't practice what they preach (excuse the pun).
So I happily stay home on Sundays and do my thing. I'm still religious, but I won't go to church.
Good luck to you all. Hope you get some help soon.
In the meantime, we're here.

 

[ParadiseFoundFarm]

Quote:
Thanks much - Yes I do escape to the computer a lot! If it was not for my BYC friends I think I would go crazy! And yes I will and do take a glass of wine or a drink of beer and I am going to enjoy it. I can tell you it rightly turns me off of folk and churches when I get preached down to because I happen to like the odd glass! I mean I am not exactly a drunk for drinking a glass of wine God knows I don;t even have that priviladge as I have to finction. Who else is going to look after everyone and keep them all safe! Thankfully Danny is back in day care which means for a few hours we get a bit of restbite from him. Though the other lad is constantly over here and sometimes DH gets a bit clingy when he gets frightened of the darn chest pains so its not exactly freedom!

We don;t actually go to Church now though I am a believer - thing is we tried a lot of churches and its not easy to settle in with a young man like Danny. He used to love all the singing and all that but now the noise and too many folk get the better of him. Thing is to tell the truth - well Danny couldn't go stay with the baby group because he got too big and then he couldn't go to Sunday school with the bigger kids because he got upset and disruptive and they couldn't cope with him. Then of course he couldn't stay in the service either as he would screech and make odd sounds and interupt the sermon and all sorts. He would get a bit well difficult. We would end up going to church and find ourselves wheeling him about the corradors or out in the car park in the end you get tired of that lark. So we just gave up and decided it would be better to stay home and watch the service they put on the telly. So that is exactly what we do now. Perhaps not the best answer but folk have stopped complaining.

I think really the end came years ago for us when DH was told he couldn't keep playing his gutiar in the worship band because " he was not attending the service!" Actualy the truth was once the worship time was over he would come take Danny from me and I would go teach Sunday school. Then he would take Danny into the Moms and tots baby area because they had toys and stuff Danny could play with and he could make a lot of noise if he wanted. DH could get a cuppa and talk with other parents and also watch the sevrice on the link - but apparently that didn;t count as "attending the service". Note that NO ONE OFFERED TO MIND DANNY WHILE HE DID GO INTO THE ACTUAL SERVICE!!! So that was that and we got the clear message that Danny made going to chuch impossible. We never go to a church biulding now though we have tried on occations with little difference in attitude here. We do have close Christian friends who we meet with and enjoy. However we have never been offered any real help with Danny. Except for one lady who got attacked by him and after he bit her and nearly crashed her car while she was driving- um well you can guess what happened to the friendship! Not easy being socialy upwardly mobile when you have a child who is so obviously not socialy accaptable. It hurt but were over it and we have moved on. We donlt rely on religious help now! We feel we don't need that kind of help really - we were even told once that we must have committed some terrible sin to be landed with a child like Danny - I was sooo mad - that attitude put me off church groups a great deal!!!!!!! thanks for bringing it up.

Oesdog

My Dear:
Church is a great place, it's true. But in my world God makes house calls. HE doesn't care how you come to him, just that you come. I would not fear Him if I were you, you're practically sainted already. Talk to HIM regularly and you may hear him talk back - if not, I'm sure HE will hear you.

As far as the glass of beer or wine goes, well we had a man here named Benjamin Franlkin. He's often thought to be a very smart man. He said" Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy".

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
Thanks much - Yes I do escape to the computer a lot! If it was not for my BYC friends I think I would go crazy! And yes I will and do take a glass of wine or a drink of beer and I am going to enjoy it. I can tell you it rightly turns me off of folk and churches when I get preached down to because I happen to like the odd glass! I mean I am not exactly a drunk for drinking a glass of wine God knows I don;t even have that priviladge as I have to finction. Who else is going to look after everyone and keep them all safe! Thankfully Danny is back in day care which means for a few hours we get a bit of restbite from him. Though the other lad is constantly over here and sometimes DH gets a bit clingy when he gets frightened of the darn chest pains so its not exactly freedom!

We don;t actually go to Church now though I am a believer - thing is we tried a lot of churches and its not easy to settle in with a young man like Danny. He used to love all the singing and all that but now the noise and too many folk get the better of him. Thing is to tell the truth - well Danny couldn't go stay with the baby group because he got too big and then he couldn't go to Sunday school with the bigger kids because he got upset and disruptive and they couldn't cope with him. Then of course he couldn't stay in the service either as he would screech and make odd sounds and interupt the sermon and all sorts. He would get a bit well difficult. We would end up going to church and find ourselves wheeling him about the corradors or out in the car park in the end you get tired of that lark. So we just gave up and decided it would be better to stay home and watch the service they put on the telly. So that is exactly what we do now. Perhaps not the best answer but folk have stopped complaining.

I think really the end came years ago for us when DH was told he couldn't keep playing his gutiar in the worship band because " he was not attending the service!" Actualy the truth was once the worship time was over he would come take Danny from me and I would go teach Sunday school. Then he would take Danny into the Moms and tots baby area because they had toys and stuff Danny could play with and he could make a lot of noise if he wanted. DH could get a cuppa and talk with other parents and also watch the sevrice on the link - but apparently that didn;t count as "attending the service". Note that NO ONE OFFERED TO MIND DANNY WHILE HE DID GO INTO THE ACTUAL SERVICE!!! So that was that and we got the clear message that Danny made going to chuch impossible. We never go to a church biulding now though we have tried on occations with little difference in attitude here. We do have close Christian friends who we meet with and enjoy. However we have never been offered any real help with Danny. Except for one lady who got attacked by him and after he bit her and nearly crashed her car while she was driving- um well you can guess what happened to the friendship! Not easy being socialy upwardly mobile when you have a child who is so obviously not socialy accaptable. It hurt but were over it and we have moved on. We donlt rely on religious help now! We feel we don't need that kind of help really - we were even told once that we must have committed some terrible sin to be landed with a child like Danny - I was sooo mad - that attitude put me off church groups a great deal!!!!!!! thanks for bringing it up.

Oesdog

What very un-Christian-like behavior! I strongly suggest that you try a different demonination that is more welcoming, loving and Christ-like. There is actually a Bible story where Jesus specifically says that a handicap is NOT the result of sin! I do understand that taking your son could be very disruptive, but part of pastoral duties include visiting those who cannot make it to services, caring for people's physical as well as spiritual needs. Educating people about his disability should have been a no-brainer on the part of the church staff.

Are there any day-care facilities for people like your son? You really need regular time to yourself to relax and have a break from the stresses of your life. Maybe an hour or two a week--just enough to re-energize you and give you some much needed down-time when you are not responsible for anyone or anything.

Many, many

 

[oesdog]

Quote:
Thanks much - Yes I do escape to the computer a lot! If it was not for my BYC friends I think I would go crazy! And yes I will and do take a glass of wine or a drink of beer and I am going to enjoy it. I can tell you it rightly turns me off of folk and churches when I get preached down to because I happen to like the odd glass! I mean I am not exactly a drunk for drinking a glass of wine God knows I don;t even have that priviladge as I have to finction. Who else is going to look after everyone and keep them all safe! Thankfully Danny is back in day care which means for a few hours we get a bit of restbite from him. Though the other lad is constantly over here and sometimes DH gets a bit clingy when he gets frightened of the darn chest pains so its not exactly freedom!

We don;t actually go to Church now though I am a believer - thing is we tried a lot of churches and its not easy to settle in with a young man like Danny. He used to love all the singing and all that but now the noise and too many folk get the better of him. Thing is to tell the truth - well Danny couldn't go stay with the baby group because he got too big and then he couldn't go to Sunday school with the bigger kids because he got upset and disruptive and they couldn't cope with him. Then of course he couldn't stay in the service either as he would screech and make odd sounds and interupt the sermon and all sorts. He would get a bit well difficult. We would end up going to church and find ourselves wheeling him about the corradors or out in the car park in the end you get tired of that lark. So we just gave up and decided it would be better to stay home and watch the service they put on the telly. So that is exactly what we do now. Perhaps not the best answer but folk have stopped complaining.

I think really the end came years ago for us when DH was told he couldn't keep playing his gutiar in the worship band because " he was not attending the service!" Actualy the truth was once the worship time was over he would come take Danny from me and I would go teach Sunday school. Then he would take Danny into the Moms and tots baby area because they had toys and stuff Danny could play with and he could make a lot of noise if he wanted. DH could get a cuppa and talk with other parents and also watch the sevrice on the link - but apparently that didn;t count as "attending the service". Note that NO ONE OFFERED TO MIND DANNY WHILE HE DID GO INTO THE ACTUAL SERVICE!!! So that was that and we got the clear message that Danny made going to chuch impossible. We never go to a church biulding now though we have tried on occations with little difference in attitude here. We do have close Christian friends who we meet with and enjoy. However we have never been offered any real help with Danny. Except for one lady who got attacked by him and after he bit her and nearly crashed her car while she was driving- um well you can guess what happened to the friendship! Not easy being socialy upwardly mobile when you have a child who is so obviously not socialy accaptable. It hurt but were over it and we have moved on. We donlt rely on religious help now! We feel we don't need that kind of help really - we were even told once that we must have committed some terrible sin to be landed with a child like Danny - I was sooo mad - that attitude put me off church groups a great deal!!!!!!! thanks for bringing it up.

Oesdog

My Dear:
Church is a great place, it's true. But in my world God makes house calls. HE doesn't care how you come to him, just that you come. I would not fear Him if I were you, you're practically sainted already. Talk to HIM regularly and you may hear him talk back - if not, I'm sure HE will hear you.

As far as the glass of beer or wine goes, well we had a man here named Benjamin Franlkin. He's often thought to be a very smart man. He said" Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy".

Oh I so like that fellow! - As for God I do talk to him just because I don;t actually go to a biulding doesn;t mean I have abandoned my faith. Its just hard to get through things sometimes even for saints I guess???? Were all saints saved by grace!! Some of us need a whole lot more grace than others!

Anyhow I am glad God makes house calls - Danny has his son our lord Jesus locked in his bedroom! Honest! - Ok you all think I am barmy now so I better explain. Danny loves Christian music so he has an I pod thing that plays hundreds of tracks and its more or less constantly on. ( Disabled folk love repitition! - personally I have gone off it!) Anyhow he always says he wants "jesus " when he actually means his music - so he has Jesus in his room! - You know the bit in the bible that promises constant hymns and praise in Heaven - do you think God would think I was a bit rood if I took ear plugs????

Oh when Danny shouts Jesus by the way the other kids have been trying to teach him to wave his hands in the air like the old time preachers! Yes we do have a lot of God in our house. -

Oesdog