I am sooo not coping right now.

oesdog · Aug 16, 2011

I can't cope anymore but no one wants to listen. No one seems bothered to care.
My Brain injured son still doesn;t have his care package in place after all these months of waiting. Social services are full of lies and empty promises. Consequently DH and I have been doing all the care things. Like monitoring his finances cause he gives money to anyone who askes , making sure he has food and is taking his epilepsy tablets. Making sure he has his laundry done.

Our other son who is very handicapped just had day surgery because he broke his front teeth off in a seizure. It is hard work as he has been bitting and nipping himself a lot. His arms are a state.

My eldest boy hardly phones or contacts us eventhough he is only living 30 miles away. His French girlfriend doesn;t like me apparently? Thanks? Well he phoned us this week to let us know he was ok after the bus he uses rolled over after he got off. He doesn;t come here often and I feel like I lost him a longtime ago.

My daughter is much more help but DH doesn;t like her doing too much cause she has a tiny baby. Social services wanted me to employ her to help with our handicapped son. They financed it which we thought was great but now they are just being horrible and basically want me to be an accountant and wages clark and all sorts and I don;t have training in that field and they never gave me any either. So its frankly more bother than worth. I am sooo tired of it. Instead of less stress I just feel a whole lot more. It feels like a DIY approach to care?

Dh had a heart attack and now is recovering. He isn;t well but wont stop doing things he isn;t supposed to. I get so cross you wouldn't believe it. Folk tell me I am a nag but they wont be left to pick up the pices if/ when he has another heart attack. We are for Hospital Friday for more tests. He has elivated T waves.

My Daughter was very depressed so we helped her out by tidying her whole house over the summer - it was a dump. She was really pleased and we also gave her money for clothes etc. She is a whole heap better now but she suffers with depression and has a heart murmur.

It is Jessicas Birthday this week and we are making a massive cake - it looks fab. It is a big castle we have apparently over 20 folk comming here on Saterday for a party. Our place was vulanteered as it is bigger. I don;t mean to be a spoil sport but I don't want to have all the work to do? Invites are out so I can;t change it now and so I have to try to make the best.

My mother has post polio syndrome and parkinsons. She is for surgery on her knee Monday. My Dad has a heart condition and he keeps phoning for help and advice etc. they are in their early 80s and I am miles away.

I try to help and support them as much as I can especially since they lost their other great grandchild last year. He was drowned in a pond aged only 2yrs.
So I send them pics of Jess often.

So I am here having had another massive row with DH who stormed off to his sisters house. He prefers to be there than here even though she caused a whole load of bother for him by making stuff up about him and spreading it around the village.

I am drinking beer and thinking I don;t want to do this anymore. I feel so tired and stressed and just out of everything. I spend my day cleaning up after everyone else. Dh takes himself off to his bed all the time because of the heart and I end up doing everything. now I have all these folk comming and everything and it should be a good time I should be looking foward to but instead I find myself just wanting to put Danny in the car and run it over a cliff someplace. But of course I can;t do that becuase its not the way to fix all this.

I feel so stressed and I don;t want to get up in the mornings!!!!! Everyone thinks I am so together but I am not and I can;t do this anymore. How can I have another big row with DH when weve been such good friends for many many years and now he just walks out - I can;t do that cause guess what - I am stuck with our 24 yr old BABY!
Wish I could just go run out on everything .

Oesdog - wish I could just climb into this beer bottle and drown myself. ok now tell me to buck up and get on with it. cause I need you all to tell me to catch a grip others have it worse and stop feeling sorry for myself!

Kelly G · Aug 16, 2011

I'm sorry you're going through all this...it seems so much to bear. Dou you have any support for yourself?

texasgal · Aug 16, 2011

Good grief girl .. I want to climb into that beer bottle with you --- but for a whole NUTHER reason...

It's OKAY to let people know you DON'T have it "ALL TOGETHER" ... don't pretend. They need to know you're struggling.

God knows, you have more on your plate than most people do in a lifetime ..

You have the strength, but don't think you have to be strong all the time ..

It's ok to

and

and be

And feel like

and

and tell people to

and want to

________________________________

again. ... and drink another Guiness...

stoopid · Aug 16, 2011

Kind of puts all of my problems into perspective, and make me feel bad for stressing out about the little stuff. Well, it is little, listening to everything you are going through. I wish you happiness, and the strength to cope. The first thing to do is go outside, grab a chicken, and give it a nice, warm, fuzzy hug. And you should get one back. I'll make sure of that. Our pets know.... Roberta

sourland · Aug 16, 2011

Quote:Wow, that's unfair overload. I agree with everything said above except for 'another beer'. I spent too many years and lost too much time doing that. That is the one thing that will not help. So sorry, and I do feel your pain.

Amyable · Aug 16, 2011

You have support and good wishes and prayers from all over the world thanks to BYCers. You can cry on our cyber-shoulders.

ParadiseFoundFarm · Aug 16, 2011

I hear you oesdog
I hear you and I sympathize with you.
You need a friend and no one near you is stepping up to be counted. I'm sorry I don't live closer.

I see a few brighter ( not bright ) spots in your story that I would like to point out to you.

Bright spot 1) You are a mentally very organizd person. You are, what we call on this side of the pond, "with it". You are, it sounds to me the only one in your immediate surroundings. Bravo to put down all these overwhelming problems so concise.

Bright spot 2) Your eldest boy is healthy and can fend for himself.

Bright spot 3) Social Services wants to pay your daughter for helping you. Have THEM do the payroll. You just keep the hours. And you can babysit with your grandbaby while she is there ( perhaps you could get them to pay you to babysit too?)

Bright spot 4) OK well I was hoping I'd see one but I don't. Maybe you could look a little harder and find one yourself. Just say to yourself " Thank God ___________________" this should be a little thing and could be even a pretty sunrise, which I am sure you are seeing with your schedule, But never say "Well at least ____________ isn't happening"....because it usually will.

Your DH? Well perhaps he's overwhelmed and it's his way of dealing with that emotion. Could you write him a letter reaffirming your love and telling him how much you rely on him and how you're getting directionless without his loving support? "Hunny I wrote you a note 'cause we hardly have time to be with eachother anymore, I love you, see you later, I'm needed at / I have to go do ______".

You don't have enough time for yourself. That's hard, and I have been in similar situations where there is no time for yourself and every one depends on you to make large life decisions correctly and on the fly. I saw your post for a reason. I got some advice from some one I will share with you. It sorta sounds silly when we are in the middle of heck and the world is being suported on our shoulders alone but here is it, and after a week it starts to work: You take 5 minutes each day at a certain time and you go alone to anywhere they can't find you. This is your time. File the nails on your fingers, brush your hair, just practice smiling in a mirror. Nothing special - just your time. 5 minutes each day.

Your pandora's box of trouble has 1 thing left in it : HOPE Let it out and cling to it.

jbowyer01 · Aug 16, 2011

Honey first take a deep breath! Have a really good cry and heres a ((HUG)). I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You can always come here for moral support.

sumi · Aug 16, 2011

You are going to burn out if you don't take it easy. Call a friend/relative/both and ask for help! You are only human and you need a break. You'll end up spreading yourself too thin and it's not good. Please pick up your phone for starters and phone social services and ask them why they're called that if they don't provide a service? Then get someone to help you out for a bit, take your DH somewhere nice for a day or two and get some R&R.
You deserve it!

spacecowgirl · Aug 16, 2011

Quote:I agree with this completely. You are going to have to get a little help so that you can have some time for yourself. I know that's easier said than done, but you are just going to have to make it happen!! If you don't take care of yourself first, you won't be able to take care of everyone else for very much longer.

I'm so sorry for all of your misfortune. That is so, so much to bear. Good luck.

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I am sooo not coping right now.

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