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I felt like I was ghost writing / reading my own post there! You've obviously done this before as you are SPOT ON with those comments!
We are VERY blessed here at BYC to have an incredibly diverse group as our staff. We are all very different people with very different points of view and we don't always agree (which is perfect!).
Why is it perfect? Well, in situations that are in the gray area we discuss it and if the majority of the staff feel something is inappropriate, it probably is (and vice versa, sometimes we all don't see any problems with a post).
Redhen, you asked, "how will i KNOW i crossed the line?...when i get booted?...."
We never ban anyone without very good reason and rarely without giving the person PLENTY of advanced notice they are on thin ice. The only time we ban first, ask questions later is if the member is brand new and breaking rules left and right with their first posts.
Regarding where the line is drawn: It is easy for stuff like adult posts, spam, etc. It is MUCH more difficult with gray area items, which goes back to the comment above about the staff as a whole coming to a decision.
Regarding standing up for something and discussing on these topics: We as staff value the opinions of our members (which are always diverse and often conflicting with those of other members) and listen to everything that is said. Will we always agree with something someone is "standing for", of course not. Will we respect members that want to help the community, respect the community, the rules, and the staff? Absolutely!
Bottom line is the staff does the best we can with the information and resources available. Fortunately, we hear time and time again, especially from those that have any experience running a community, that we're doing a stellar job... and I know our great staff are doing just that.
Thanks everyone for the great discussion and feedback, we appreciate it!