I just do not trust her(long rant)

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

I trust my "gut" If I think it isn't safe and I have a bad feeling about it I go with it. Sure, GPs get to have some different rules and they do have some rights to the kids, BUT, they are YOUR children (child) and you have the final say over what they do, where they go and who they spend time with.

After my MIL did something stupid (long story) with my dd she got supervised visitation for six months. She was furious, but dh stuck with me that she had violated our trust. Religion is something all children should be exposed to and I intend my pagan children will go to ALL beliefs services at various times, BUT when they are old enough and when they can learn something other than anxiety.

I have heard such horror stories about GPs going behind parents back with horrific results. This is your child and it is your decision, your and dh's. It's not mine, not any one else's and not your MILs.

I used to be a push over and let people walk all over me, but not where my kids are concerned.

 

[cjeanean]

If her safety is truly an issue I would definately say no, but I can't help wondering if perhaps the difference in your religions has something to do with it. That would explain why you just don't trust her. Every person has a desire to share something near and dear to their hearts with their children/grandchildren, and if you are trying to give your daughter the option of choosing her own beliefs when she gets older I see no problem with allowing her to attend Sabbath services.

Also, I find it hard to believe that a person who believes a certain way can have an unbiased effect on their children. My sister in law is 'agnostic', and although she says that she wants to raise her children in a way that allows them to decide their own religion, it's obvious that her biases state otherwise. When I babysit, my niece and nephew hear about God, and they become curious. When they ask their mother about it (one is five and the other is eight) she tells them that God is an idea thought up by people. She may believe that way, but if a child is raised and told by someone they trust that certain things are a certain way, that's what they will have in their core beliefs.

There is always a time when those beliefs will be challenged when a child gets to the whole thinking stage, but the belief a child is raised with will be the starting point. That doesn't sound like allowing a child to choose their own way, but instead putting your own beliefs into the child's head.

Either you

A)raise the child in your beliefs

B) expose the child to all the different beliefs that you can

or

C) you don't say a word one way or another, regardless of how basic those words may be.

Otherwise, you influence your child, no matter how minutely, to believe a certain way. If she has the option of choosing a religion in which nature is not connected, her choice will be affected by what you've told her. Respecting all life is a core that is important throughout all mankind, as well as the food chain being dependent on all of nature, but as far as all life being joined or whatever that is just a belief. Yes, it may be the belief of almost all religions out there, but it still influences her. All I'm saying is that if your goal is to allow her to choose all by herself when she gets older she has to have either exposure to many different religions or NO exposure whatsoever. Anything else will influence her.

I believe that all life is connected because we were all created by God, but I did not always believe this way. It took seeing Him (Jesus) for myself, with my own eyes. I raise my kid in my belief, hoping to spare him of some of my experiences. However, since you desire to keep from influencing your child and would prefer for her to make her own decision, the advice I gave above is what I would suggest. Good luck, and God bless!

 

[OHMYCHICKIES]

I think you have to talk to your DH and see how comfortable he is with letting your daughter go with your MIL. Usually grandmothers love the grandkids and they are very careful with them.

As far as taking them to the temple, she has to respect your wishes, you are the parent. As the parent, it is your responsibility to raise your child the way you and your husband wants the child to be raised. I may not agree with the belief that you have but I believe every parent should raise the child in whatever religion they want them to be raised in, it's their responsibility. I would not want my child going to the Kingdom Hall (my moms religion) because I'm raising my child differently, if my mom does it secretly, she no longer gets privileges of being alone with my daughter.

 

[Queen Scoot]

to me its plain and simple...go with your gut. if you dont trust her(she has already broken that) gut feelings are seldom wrong!

 

[SterlingAcres]

My relatives and my inlaws don't get 'alone' time with our kids. Neither side can be trusted. They're all sneaky and manipulative... so we feel it's better that our relatives are known as acquaintances to our children.

It might sound cold, but it works for us. I don't have to worry about my children being kidnapped, abused, neglected or forgotten. We 'love from a distance'.

 

[SpottedCrow]

To be honest, that first time that I found out that she lied, no more visitations...
As for taking to temple, it's not gonna kill your daughter, but I'd be really PO'd about that...My DH is Greek Orthodox. I'm a Pagan and our DH says he's atheist, but I think it's more of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
If she can't obey your wishes, then I wouldn't let her see your daughter. Especially since she's going to take her some place unsafe...
I'd let the temple slide for right now, but the unsupervised swimming is a big fat hairy nono.

 

[flakey chick]

Quote:
In addition to safety concerns, you really don't want your children to learn to be "sneaky and manipulative". It's sad that MIL thought it would be better to lie to you about going to temple.

Does anyone remember the grandmother who sued for visitation rights after she had her grandsons hair cut? I think the parents handled that situation admirably. They still allowed grandma to visit, but she got no alone time, because frankly she just couldn't be trusted. The boys hair grew back, but trust doesn't work that way. If you can't trust someone to supervise your child, you don't.

 

[hoosier]

I just read the original post. We have a pond and a boat and we have a child's vest for safety even though we have no children. Maybe these people do as well. Hope that makes you feel at least a little bit better.

 

[OHMYCHICKIES]

One thing I am thankful to see is that I'm not the only one that thinks the way I do. Alot of times we get pressured into leaving our children with the grandparents, even though they are not trusting. I have doubted my decisions because I wasn't sure if I'm just too paranoid about it. Seeing what you guys say on this board, it's reassuring.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
I won't relax when it comes to my daughter's health or safety. My mother has different standards of what's okay. I want my daughter to have it better than I did.

BINGO!!!

I have different values than my MIL does. She is NOT as safety conscious as I am. I am my dds MOM!!
I let her get "dirty" and play. But safely. I have rules. Not ones that cant and are not broken on occasion. But rules that are in place for her safety. As far as temple and such goes. She is 5!! IMHO from being dragged to church every Sunday and having gone to a Catholic school kids DO NOT Need this if they are being raised RIGHT in the first place. And my daughter IS. Heck she could be taken to a Satanist "church" and would be like "la de da" and having a great time til a cat or chicken was killed in sacrifice(Not saying they do this. I have no idea!!) My point is that she is FIVE and knows no different or better. And she is a BRIGHT kid! She scores higher than average on her skill tests every fall.

BayCityBabe- yes. He will talk to her about this. Luckily he and I communicate well.

OhMyChickies- Usually moms are very loving and protective of their own kids. Yet we have all read, seen and heard of kids being killed by their own moms. The woman from SC years ago to the most current one in FL.. that didnt report her 2.5 year old daughter missing for a MONTH!

My dd believes in God. I have told her since before she was born about God. But I have have also told her my thoughts on going to a building to worship one being. Like I said.. She is 5. We celebrate and discuss the Catholic/Christian holidays, the Jewish holidays and my holidays. I incorporate God, the minor deities and the goddesses daily. She is not being sheltered or over protected in anyway. I just do not want to loose my child due to someone elses incompetence or failure to be on the ball and watchful. Heck even if she wasnt my only child I would STILL be like this!!!
I tell her "only walk on sidewalks" If there isnt one walk as far from the street as you can. She holds hands walking through parking lots. She knows not to walk behind a horse or wave her hands around or run through the barns. Or climb through or over a fence. She doesnt go up to strangers with dogs. Or dogs running loose. Or strangers.

I guess I know what I have to do and that is no more "days and overnights with Grandma C"
She can see her if she comes here to visit or if it is a family gathering. But I cant do this to my self. My gut is screaming still that I have reason to worry. I am just hoping that I have taught her well enough to keep her little 5 year old self safe. Even if her grandma is a twit.

BTW. My mom would NEVER do any of these things and doesnt feel that I am a nut for being so very concerned. And my husband is just as upset