I just do not trust her(long rant)

[SterlingAcres]

Quote:
I think of it this way... Just because my grandparents didn't succeed in seriously injuring or killing off their offspring, doesn't mean they won't get to mine.
My great grandmother has literally slapped my child within 5 minutes of meeting him (2.5 yrs old since she lives out of state). That cut the visit short. I do not agree with touching, parenting or harassing other people's children. ESPECIALLY if they're standing right there. That's a big social no no.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

It seems like the religion issue is beside the point. Your mom radar is going off like crazy. There's a reason you have the mom radar. For whatever reason you need to trust it.

She's your kid and it is ultimately your job to keep your child safe.

Good luck. This is going to cause a HUGE family battle. As long as you are prepared...

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
wont be too huge :|
DH is an only child. His mom is an only child, whose parents are both passed. Her aunts and uncles all live out of state. We never see them or hear from them.
Then there is his fathers side. His dad has a brother. Grandmother is passed. Never hear from grandfather since his girl friend died of cancer two years ago. Heck we didnt find out she had passed until two weeks after the fact. They arent big on communication one could say. His dad and step mother currently reside in Australia. Have been there for 5 years years now. We never hear from them unless they want something. Needless to say. they arent "close" Heck even my family is estranged. I only talk and see my mom and sister regulary. My brother was murdered two years ago. My dad passed in 94. When my grandmother(moms side) died that side of the family fell apart.

So really. Not a big fight.

Anyway. Since I am mom and I have given up a lot to be home to raise her. It is MY decision and say that matter. No one elses

 

[BirdBrain]

Rhett&SarahsMom :

KG this fall is going to be weird. Since she has been with me since her birth.

So, Have you considered homeschooling her?

Regarding your MIL, trust your gut. It is rarely wrong.​

 

[The Chicken Lady]

It looks like you already know what you want to do, but need reassurance or support from the people here.

I suggest spending time with the MIL, just you and her, to get to know her as a person better. Do you think your DH would side with you or her if you chose to break ties with her? I think there are more subtle things you can do that will allow you to maintain basic family relationships for the sake of peace. Only you really know what would work with your family.

I do suggest maybe reevaluating how protective you are of your child. I realize your child is your "miracle baby," and that (along with her age) probably has a lot to do with how worried you are about letting her leave you.

I'm a teacher, and I commend you for caring -- that's very, very important. You need to find balance, though, or you will go through life stressing out and eventually battling her as she tries to find freedom (or she will become COMPLETELY dependent on you and an ineffective adult, lost at sea in college, afraid to move out of the house to start a career, etc.). You need to learn when it is the right time to hold her hand in life and when it is time to give her wings to try new experiences. Don't let your fears rule both of your lives. Talking with other moms of only children who are older who seem to have things together in life and have happy, successful kids might be a good place to start. Perhaps you can find some of these people here, or on another message board devoted to parenting only children.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

I lived with my MIL for just over a year. I have spent time with her. Trust me!

I have considered homeschooling, but I really need to get out of the house and be "me" again. Even if it is for only as long as the school day. I want to have face to face conversations with other adults. About things other than children. I miss that tremendously.

I am going to worry about her and continue to be "hands on" even when she is in KG. I have met and cared for many of the families and children she will be in class with. And, to be honest I fear for her safety. It isnt like it was when I was a kid. Especially not in the school district we are in. Heck. My sister is an elementary school teacher in our home town and some of the things she has had to deal with children and their parents scares HER! She has had a student threaten her life! And that is in a small community. Not a city with a drug/gun/prostitution/murder problem that just had to lay off 6 police officers and no longer has a "accredited" library. My neighborhood is decent,, for now. But kids from all over the city attend the school she will be entering.

I have a healthy balance of concern. I am not a mom that hovers. How ever I am a mom that will kick someone butt if my daughter is hurt in anyway. As far as her being "dependent" on me. HA! This child stopped "needing me" at 8 months. She is independent by design. She is not a clingy kid. Never was. She happily goes off to her grandparents houses. She stays over my moms for DAYS at a time. My issue is that my MIL is a twit.
For instance. Last night, when my husband got home at 8. I still hadnt heard from MIL. I had called and left a message on the home and cell phone. With NO return call from her.So my dh called both her cell and home. She returned the call at 930PM My daughter was still awake. Her bedtime is just after 8. DH asks where have they been. Answer? They walked to the park, played some and then walked back. AFTER DARK. On a road with NO SIDE WALKS. To a park with NO LIGHTS! And I know this because we LIVED THERE for ever a year and we still visit her. There have been no upgrades! So not only did she have my kid out passed her bedtime(which she knows because SHE ASKED ME!) But they werent safe IMHO. It is stuff like this.

I spoke with dh before and after they called and HE told ME that he isnt comfortable with his mother taking her anymore.
So it will be only when we are present or at fmaily events she sees her.

BTW I would be like this even if she wasnt my only child. That has NOTHING to do with it. She is happy, out going, adventurous, intelligent and we put NO constraints on her. At least none that have to do with being an only child. That is so stereotypical of not only only children, but also of parents that choose to have or can only have one child.

 

[tiffanyh]

I have been following your thread....I can see both side of opinions up until now. But keeping your childuntil 9:30PM, when her betime is 8 and not being reachable or calling your first to letyou know is not right. I mean, dont get me wrong, my children can stay up for special occasions sometimes here and there and normally going to grams would be a special occasion, but as her mother, you have a need to know where she is as night time approaches and what the game plan is.

My son is starting KG this fall also, I also worry about the students he will be with and we are in a wonderful district that I am very happy with. I just try to remind myself that he is gong to spend his life encountering all types of people and he has to learn how to handle and interact with everyone, no matter who they are. Doesnt make me not worried though!

 

[BowChickaBowMow]

Rhett&SarahsMom :

I
when she was taking dd more often on Saturdays(before gas went up and we traveled and visited more) had been taking dd to temple without telling us. She had been telling us they went to the library. And we would have been none the wiser until my dd told me they were going to temple. *Dh is agnostic. I am Wiccan/neoPagan* We celebrate ALL the holidays in our house. Heck when I was doing full out daycare we celebrated Quanza!! But the fact she was sneaky and didnt ask us if it was alright and then lied to us. Put me on edge.

Anyone (esp. family who takes my children) who lies to me once... I do NOT trust them. period. end of story.

I haven't read any of the responses except the OP, so don't know what all's been said. But in my life I've learned to totally trust my gut instinct. It's your built in warning signal.

I limit visits w/ that sort of family to being supervised in my own home or theirs (If I can handle a visit) and never unsupervised. It's just not worth the risk to me. The ones who lie to a parent about little things, are likely the type who'd lie if something happened! And to me, aren't mentally competent to respond properly in an emergency situation. This is also the type of person to totally disregard your parental wishes and style of doing things, and in sense teaches your children to not respect you. As they get older they'd see what was going on "well Grandma doesn't make us follow mom's rules, so I guess that means they're not important"

That's just me though.. .I'm overprotective of my children!

And always will be.​

 

[risurocket]

I've read your whole thread and yes, go with your gut instincts. Sometimes you can have conversations with yourself until you end up second guessing yourself and sometimes you evaluate the gut instinct and discover it was a false alarm...but if the gut feeling keeps coming back until it screams...oh yes, the gut will make you listen, if there is something that needs hearing. It won't shut up...and if you *still* don't listen, then that's when something bad happens. That's been my experience with learning to trust my gut.

I am extremely hyper-vigilant of my only child, and I always will be. It's the way things are *NOW* - Some Grandparents had it differently, and everyone has a tendency to stick to their old values, since that is what is they are comfortable with. We can hope that everyone stays up to date and respects each other's comfort zones. Parents have a responsibility to keep up with the times and set their boundaries.

I commend you for your efforts and your rounded outlook for your daughter. It's great that you will send her to KG. I was like that too, I thought about homeschool, but ultimately needed my time, and my daughter *Loves* school. From what you have said of your daughter, she will dig it, esp if she is confident in her own self, which it sounds like she is...So...and after all of that, She did come home safely, right??? Other than the late bedtime and the walk in the dark? I was trying to follow the whole thread, and I think I missed the part where she is back home with you now...

Edited to add: even though this is a lengthy discussion throughout the thread, and everyone has good points, no one knows the whole situation better than you. So, good luck and I hope that you find some peace of mind.

 

[BayCityBabe]

Devil's advocate, here:
You really cannot stand, MIL, yes? That is why YOU cannot address your concerns with her directly. This is likely why her "nitwit" actions bother you so much. I think that her shortcomings (as you see them) are in direct proportion to how much you dislike her.
I mean, would you really have such a cow if your own mom took her for a walk after dark? If so, you really do need to chill. Any of our kids could choke to death on brown rice & tofu. This is the terror of every parent. WE CANNOT PROTECT THEM "ENOUGH". (My daughter was 6 when she broke her arm, walking. She tripped and fell and I was right there...)
I bet that DH has to jockey between the two of you...has to frame your concerns in a certain way: "SHE is just really anxious. SHE would like you to..." Horrible position for him to be in.
No, you do not have to send your kid for overnighters if you are uncomfortable. (I was never away from my offspring until they were 8 or 9. So, I am a super-careful type, myself.) But, please consider , first, where all this anxiety is coming from. Second, how it might impact your child. My own mom leaned toward high drama, catastrophizing situations throughout my childhood. Pretty early on, I came to take her assessments with a grain of salt. I guess I am reacting to what you have written because it reminds me of her: someone who didn't do things her way was a Maniac or Crazy or an Absolute Idiot. I wish you well but feel I must remind you that THE SKY IS NOT FALLING!