I Lost My Best Friend My Husband Bill

[ScaredOfShadows]

You have my deepest sympathies, I can not imagine what your going through and how your feeling. Just know its not your fault - these things happen and the fact you didn't wake up or wasn't up most of the night like usual should tell you - it was meant to be. I know you feel miserable and horrible for not being there for him at the end atleast - but I bet he was glad you didn't have to go through it. Just remember he loves you and treasure your memories of him. He sounded like an amazing and wonderful man - and my hat off to him and your families for having such a wonderful man.

Again I am so sorry for your loss - and my sympathies and heartfelt prayers go out to you and you guys' families.

 

[turney31]

Please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Micah

 

[Three Cedars Silkies]

Cannot imagine...so very sorry....many, many hugs to you.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path."

 

[Lifetime chicken lover]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It is a terrible tragedy, that I'm sure will always live on in your head. But PLEASE DO NOT blame yourself. In cases like this, there are so many "what ifs", but I am a big believer in fate- what happens, was meant to happen in exactly the way it happened. Asking "what if" only serves to make you feel guilty and bad about yourself, which is NOT what Bill would want.
You have enough to worry about now.

I hope that you use this forum as a way to grieve, vent, cry it all out. The pain of loss will never go away, but talking about it will help ease your suffering.

I wish you strength in this difficult time.

 

[Lunachick]

Quote:
My thoughts exactly. I'm so sorry.

 

[wolftracks]

Thank you all so much.

You know I did pretty good as a single mom of 5, but when my son was little and I met Bill they were like love at first sight. Dakotah called him "My Bill"

I used to do everything. I used to fix things. Bill said that's what he was there for. I told him I didn't want to be helpless and he said I did enough and some things were just his job.

Yesterday things started breaking. Even my Sportman! My temposatate went out last night. My youngest daughter and I ran to the feed store but it was closed. We ended up at Walmart and bought different sized light bulbs and a new lamp and I stuck that in there. I have several FBCMs in there from the flock he just bought me last month. They''re older and I'm trying to get a younger flock out of them while I can. There are 7 of them on lockdown due tomorrow, but I don't knoe if they're viable. There to dark for me to see through, so they're in there with a lot of hopes going into them.

The thermostat is what I'm worried aboout right now, so I'm going to take a shower and get ready for my appointment, but we're going to run to the feedstore across town first and see if I can figure out how to replace this thing before I have to drive 30 miles away. I really hope I haven't lost all of those eggs. Bills spent so much time rebuilding a bigger run when we saw how huge they were. We put them in and he looked at me and said "uhhh, we're gonna need a bigger coop!" Took a few days, but they're much happier. He didn't really like the chickens. He only ate STORE BOUGHT EGGS!!! yuck But he still did everything he could to help me get them and take care of them.

You'll probably all get very tired of me lately, but I appreciate you all very much.

Bill had mire friends than I did. Most of my friends just never grew up. Not that Bill and I were grown up. That man loved toys and VIDEO games. He turned all the gkids and my 14 yr old into video game junkies.

Next month we would have been getting ready for Halloween. Three years ago we made 23 costumes before we worked ourselves sick. Funny thing is we did that every year, but last year and the year before were really bad years for us and we only made a couple. We had big plans this year and I can't even remomber one of them. I don't even remember all of our last conversation. I used to quote things he said just to get to him, now I can't remember.

We were supposed to buy a house soon. Now I don't even know what's going to happen with this cheap rental. I have to go to the Vet Center and they're supposed to help me get some kind of cash, but I know I'm back in the same boat we were in 4 months ago. I can't find important papers. Bill always kept things in a binder and althoug I have file boxes all over the place, he'd put papers in boxes or bags and know extactly what he had and were. I've aways said he could find a needle in a haystack, something I can not do. I'm glad I had smart kids, cause although my boys are not here right now, my 4 girls and my youngest sister were here yesterday right after they heard and they were on phones including mine and Bill's and contacted everyone I could think of and dealt with the coronor and VA calls, so thank God I have them to help get me through it for now, It's going to be later that I'm really going to feel it. Then again I am almost looking forward to being here alone for even a day so I can see if I can feel him here and talk to him.

 

[jojo@rolling acres farm]

I'm so sorry you lost your husband and best friend. Please know that we are all hear to listen when you need to talk. Sending good thoughts and hugs your way.

Joni

 

[love_a_duck]

wolftracks,

i am so deeply sorry for your loss.
he sounds like a good man.
good husband, father and grandfather.
god bless him for his service to our country, (my mother was an Army nurse) and sorry for his suffering PTSD.

He found a great counselor when we moved to Modesto and he helped him get some help that he needed. He had serious issues with PTSD and he just finally went from 10% to 100% service connected disabled

.

wolftracks,
please, when you can, contact this counselor to let him know, and he can help you during this difficult and painful transition.
i am glad he got 100% service connected, this means quite a few benefits for you.
talk to the counselor and he can help, or lead to someone who can.

again, so sorry.
beth

(100% service connected army veteran)​

 

[Mandalina]

I am so sorry for your loss

 

[gumpsgirl]

Words fail me and all I can do is send cyber hugs.

Many heart felt condolences coming your way as well as prayers.