I need to vent and my DH won't listen to me :( SORRY LONG

[hsm5grls]

I have a similar situation only I rent to my MIL. She comes over every day and at first it was hard especially when I was newly married. She thought she would help me get the "Hang" of married life and show me the ropes. When I was pregnant the first time well I must need help and someone to show me how to take care of the new baby. She has stepped on my toes many a times and it used to infuriate me. But as time has gone by and she see's that not only am I a good wife to her son but a good mother to her grandchildren I have earned her respect. It has taken time and we have both had words with each other. Now when she has "helpful" advice I either take it(sometimes she is right) or explain why I choose not to do it that way. I have included her in my chicken care and at first she thought that she knew all about chickens as we cared for them she realized she didnt know and now is allergic to them. LOL Won't help for nothing. It's give and take Patience and over time everyone will learn there place. As we all have one is this life. I love my mother in-law and most of her quirks. Some days I just want to slam the door in her face, but I don't because after all she is my husbands mom and the grandmother of my children. And some days she is the sweetest thing and I love for her to come have coffee with me. give and take.
Maybe she needs to feel needed and wanted. A little effort on your part to make her feel that way may do more than a million explanations as to why she is wrong. My Dad always said " Kill em with kindness"

 

[SarahF]

Quote:
THANK YOU!

Folks! I wasn't saying that she should beat the old lady either. Or be MEAN! I was saying the very same thing you said here. The lady lives 2 miles from her...NOT with her! IT IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS! Besides, relative or NOT...she pays HER rent so, why be a slave in her own home?

Now, I never, -NOT ONCE-, told her she should do anything. I said, I would, IF I were her. I realize that she will do whatever is right for her, under her circumstances.

How about cutting HER some slack!

It just bugs me when people ASSUME that she's being disrespectful, selfish or uncaring because HER feelings are hurt and she wants to do something about it!

As it bugs me when people ASSUME that if one thinks a certain way that they perceive as aggressive, they fall from grace or are too young to know better. (I'm 42...does that make me young? I don't know but, I do know better!)

Pedro

PS One thing to bare in mind...YOUR experience with YOUR relatives is different than others. It's all, dare I say it, relative!

Thank you Pedro! The reason I havent said anything to her yet is because I dont know how to without sounding disrespectful! I do love her, as she is my DH's Oma and she is family. But I DO pay rent, on time in cash every month. We do repairs ourselves, and she pays for the parts. I bring her eggs every week! Some peoples opinons are more harsh than i expected, but each to his own. All are welcome, as I did ask for advice from all.

 

[Buff Hooligans]

Seedcorn, I feel badly about your dad's Alzheimers. That's just got to be the worst, and you seem to be really hurting from it. I hope you and he have some peace before he passes. (Meant sincerely, and from a person who hasn't had experience with Alzheimers, so please forgive me if I just said anything dumb.)

 

[birdnutz]

I was going to post "kill her with kindness" But I couldn't add anything to what Windy had posted.
2 things I can add on another part of your post though. My mother is also a skin flint when it comes to money,but for very good reasons. She lived through the depression with a father that was only home long enough to give her another sibling. They did without alot. She is a fount for common knowledge. I think the hay bale was a good idea. I don't turn up the heat and leave the window open. If you don't have time to let them out in the morning explain that to her. If she wants to do it ,More power to her. Let her. I also don't understand why you'd want to butcher the chickens instead of letting her help with them. I'm not saying let her take over your life,don't get me wrong. I also am a very strong willed person,but don't let it turn into a large power struggle that puts your DH into the middle of it. I watched my SIL do it to my brother for years. After almost 20 years he made his choice. She didn't like it. The constant arguments from her about how he needed to do something about his mother drove a very solid wedge between them,he just started avoiding all of it(and her). I guess all that rambling means to me is;you and his grandmother have the problems that need resolved. He probably doesn't.

 

[pipermark]

You wouldn't like my answer.

 

[Chellester]

I am very sorry I didn't see this thread until now.

BOTH your DH and your GMIL are walking all over you. You want to know why they are walking all over you? Because you are letting them.

You do not need your GMIL's permission to run your household they way you see fit, and you do not need your DH's permission to stand up to your GMIL.

She is going to keep doing this until you put a stop to it. It is really your DH's job to "run defense" for you and tell her to knock it off since it is his biological GM, but he is either too much of a wimp and doesn't want to cause friction or he just doesn't care how this is making you feel.

Next time she says or does anything like you mentioned, just say "Thank you, but this is my garden/chickens/house/whatever so I am going to do it my way" and leave it at that.

Ignore anything that might come out of your DH's mouth as a result the same way he ignores your feelings about the whole thing. She may be angry and hurt at first, but she'll get over it, and eventually she and your DH will grow to respect you and your opinions more.

 

[eggcetra_farms]

Quote:
I think that everyone who's pleading with her not to butcher the chickens is overlooking the fact that she said the reason she got the chickens in the first place was to butcher them.

They are food and not pets.

 

[paganfish]

Quote:
You are very welcomed. I hope you take ONLY the love out of every response to your post here. I think, that though some responses may have seemed a bit harsh, we all meant to help in some way or another. You need to do what is right for you and no one knows that better than you. Good luck and keep us updated. I am all about healing differences and if that can be done, great!

As I said earlier, take only the love. For if you are able to see only the love in all the responses then we did what we intended on doing...

I hope it makes sense.

Peace-

Pedro

PS Yes, I am a tree hugger!

 

[paganfish]

Quote:
I think that everyone who's pleading with her not to butcher the chickens is overlooking the fact that she said the reason she got the chickens in the first place was to butcher them.

They are food and not pets.

Oops! I missed that part..

*looking for initial thread again*

 

[birdnutz]

Pipermark. I didn't say I agreed with my brother. I had my arguments with him also because I thought that he should defend her. I did read that they were to be butchered,not pets. I would actually be more protective of my pets. I guess what I meant in all this is"Don't sweat the small stuff." Gear up for the true battles.Especially since she has the womens great grand child coming! I feel that she does need to take a stand. First I would politely thank her for repotting my plant and then ask for it back,as it now looks funny without the pair out front.But try and do it with love and understanding. Not while you're angry and defensive.