I need to vent and my DH won't listen to me :( SORRY LONG

[gritsar]

Quote:
I totally agree. I've also read these replies and I don't think anyone is seriously suggesting that the grandma get her butt whooped. We all have people in our lives that drive us to the point of distraction, whether we admit it or not. The thing is we're human, s'pose to be the intelligent creatures and there are laws that prevent it. I feel like strangling my SO at least once a week, maybe more now that I've quit smoking. Does that mean I don't love him to the moon and back? Nah, it just means we are both individuals and we are going to differ from time to time.
The difference here seems to be that sometimes those people do more than throw out wacky comments. I said before that my dad still regularly criticizes the fact that I wasn't great in gym in high school. He forgets the part about me having a 4.0 GPA. He also continues to tell me what I did wrong in my marriage (that ended 20 years ago), that I have to be 'restrained' by a 'firm hand' from owning too many animals (regardless how well I care for them and the fact that I have 3 TOTAL), and last but not least that I need to be very very careful that I don't put on alot of weight because "you know your mother was very heavy when she died". People like that have a sickness! I put up with all the criticism from my Dad for many years before I grew a backbone, with alot of help from my SO, and told him to butt out! Now my Dad knows that if he calls because he wants to have a pleasant talk with me he can, but I am not a whipping board anymore. I can and will hang up the phone. Every once in awhile, like last week, he still throws in a jab or two, but for the most part he respects me and I, as I have always always done, respect him. Maybe just maybe one day my Dad will stop blaming me for being born a girl when he really wanted a boy, but I doubt it.
You have to set boundaries for people like that in your life and if you can't do it, then the DH or SO sometimes needs to step in and help you do it. If people want respect from me I'll gladly give it, but I DO expect it in return. And respect in my book involves living their lives and leaving me to live mine.

 

[Reinbeau]

Quote:
I can truly say, I for one, was a bit offended by this but...whatever!

Everyone's entitled to their OWN opinion.

By that same token, she did ASK what we all thought.

A hard thing for some people to accept is that different folks have different opinions. I won't attack your opinion if it differs from mine. I ask the same of you!

Perhaps I should have kept my DIFFERENT opinion to myself and let ones like YOURS apply. Would that work for you?

Peace-

Pedro

My post wasn't directed at any one person, so no one single person should take offense. No one said you couldn't have an opinion, for that matter, I am entitled to mine. Not only that, but I was saying it in a joking manner. I'm sorry you chose to take it personally.

 

[Southern28Chick]

Quote:
I can truly say, I for one, was a bit offended by this but...whatever!

Everyone's entitled to their OWN opinion.

By that same token, she did ASK what we all thought.

A hard thing for some people to accept is that different folks have different opinions. I won't attack your opinion if it differs from mine. I ask the same of you!

Perhaps I should have kept my DIFFERENT opinion to myself and let ones like YOURS apply. Would that work for you?

Peace-

Pedro

My post wasn't directed at any one person, so no one single person should take offense. No one said you couldn't have an opinion, for that matter, I am entitled to mine. Not only that, but I was saying it in a joking manner. I'm sorry you chose to take it personally.

I don't think there are any problems here. People do have their own opinions and everyone is entitled to it.

In this type of thread there is going to be many opinions.

I think all the points made are good points and I do hope that the original poster does find peace in her situation.

We are all friends here. We are all trying to help. I hope the poster finds comfort in our opinions.

 

[paganfish]

Quote:
No problem. I just want everyone to LOVE me! LOL!.

Seriously, it's all good. I think I might've overreacted anyway.

So, for my part...I too say "I am sorry!"

Peace-

Pedro

PS Southernchick said: "We are all friends here. We are all trying to help. I hope the poster finds comfort in our opinions."

and you are right!

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
No problem. I just want everyone to LOVE me! LOL!.

Seriously, it's all good. I think I might've overreacted anyway.

So, for my part...I too say "I am sorry!"

Peace-

Pedro

PS Southernchick said: "We are all friends here. We are all trying to help. I hope the poster finds comfort in our opinions."

and you are right!

We DO love you pagan. My only problem is now that I've figured out your male, I'm trying to figure out what a pagan fish looks like. Bright Blessings

 

[chickflick]

The thing is....it's hard to stop being a "mom". We all do it with our kids....treat them like their kids... doesn't matter how old they are!! My mom does it to me, and I do it to my kids. I'm over 50 and my youngest is 27!! But... we all have their best interest at heart.

 

[BantyChickMom]

I agree with Mcgoo.
Maybe she is just lonely and needs something to do.
Invite her to help you with the chickens or whatever else there is but ask her nicely to do it your way.
Even tell her that her way may be better, but you've always done it "this way" and it's always worked well for you.
Most old people but in out of loneliness but have too much pride to admit it.
Most younger people don't want to be bothered with old people. If you hurt her feelings, she has too much pride to say so and admit that maybe she was too pushy -- instead, she'll stay away and be that much more lonely, the real reason she's butting in in the first place.

I talk to my grandmother alot, she is 85.
The one thing she constantly says is "When you get as old as me, you've outlived your usefulness".
From all of my little chats with my grandmother, I've come to realize one thing,

When people get old, they do feel like they have outlived their usefulness and they are nothing more than a burden.
They're not up to date with modern technology and they feel lost and out of place in any "in general" conversation.
All they know is the way they have always done things, and people will constantly talk about "what they know".

Maybe you should fill her in on your chicken knowledge and explain why you do things the way you do.
I bet she'd be willing to learn if someone, anyone would just take the time to do so.
Pride can be a person's biggest weakness, and old people are full of it.

Be patient with her, one day she may be your closest and dearest friend.

 

[Reinbeau]

Quote:
All so true - and as I said before, she'll be gone before you want her to be.

 

[Windy Ridge]

After reading this thread this morning, I have to say... I agree with everyone.

Huh?

Seriously, though. I think we all agree Oma is trying to help, and is clearly not doing it in a way that is being taken as helpful... and that's causing a lot of frustration. Simply biting one's tongue is (IMO) not going to solve anything. There's probably always going to be an amount of frustration in dealing with Oma unless you can work things out... so why not try to work things out?

"It means so much to me that you care about my chickens, but..." is a good way to start. So is "I love that you care about us so much to look out for us while we're not at the house, however..." is another one.

Just don't follow the "but" and "however" with accusations like "you're being too nosy!" or "quit trying to run my life!" Let it be more like "I would feel that you respected me more if you consulted me before making changes."

Talking to her can be a very, very positive thing. Oma might feel that you two don't appreciate how much she tries to do you (even if it's often misguided). Telling her you appreciate her intentions might go a long way toward fixing a breach. Asking for her to respect you, as well, is not a confrontational thing, either.

Keep it positive. Be complimentary when you talk to her, and you may go away from the conversation with promises from Oma to talk to you first... and she may go away feeling touched and loved by all your consideration.

Her "little smile"--the one that so annoyed you--may actually have been in anticipation of what she hoped would be profuse thanks from you all. She may have thought she'd had a clever solution to the "problem," and that you all would be pleased that she'd come up it. She probably went away feeling unhappy about that encounter, too... feeling very unappreciated. It's just that you two are sort of working at cross purposes. I don't think her purpose is to control your life and tell you what to do so much as it is to be loved and appreciated by you, though. She wants to do something for you that will finally get that love and appreciation; and if that's the case, the things she does may keep getting bigger and bigger so you'll finally understand, so she'll finally get through to you. From your perspective, the things she does may seem to get more and more annoying.

Just give her the love and appreciation she's asking for before that happens... and at the same time, ask for respect yourself. Do it in a loving way. I think you would all win.

 

[luvzmybabz]

Well..... My mother and I have not spoken at all in the last 6 months and it makes my life so much easier so my hubbies grandmother is aware that I will only let people but into my business so much before I say enough......... she wanted to watch our kids when I went back to work after the baby was born went into a smit everytime I even mentioned a daycare well son was 8 months olds starting on solids I caught her giving him a whole hotdog I explained to Hubbie tell her she need to cut them lengthways twice before he gets them nothing was ever saidas far as I can tell ........ Next time I saw it I went there and said something very nicely ( ok as nicely as I could through clenched teeth) with hubbie standing right there acting like I was overdoing it well at my son's 9 month check up his ped. asked how he was eating hubbie piped up and before he even got it out that son ate hot dog or vienna weinnes doctor states ALWAYS cut them in 4ths lengthways before he gets them at that point I was woman enough not to say I told you so we then went to pick up other son from her house and I heard him in the kitchen saying I had been right and he thinks she should do it... His grandmother thinks I stole him from her and that I am unable to feed my children corrrectly...... when we first got together she would fix his lunch for work and one day it was in a clear container the bottom 1/3 of an inch were grease... Hubbie has and has had cholesterol issues for a while I wonder why........ she is one of the reasons we moved out into the country and when I quit my last job decided not to work out of the home for awhile