I really needed to read this

[AK Michelle]

A girlfriend told me about this article and said I should read it. Boy was she right. It describes me to a "T". Like so many women I do nearly everything in my household. From kids to cleaning, maintaining the cars, house, yard and finances, there is very little left for my husband to do. So he does very little.

Cause and effect are lessons I learned a long time ago. Too bad I forgot to apply them to my own life. The good news is it appears I am responsible for my own unhappiness. Which means I have the power to change it.

http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/power-in-relationships

The article is about the Super Wife who is good at everything and can do it all. Unfortunately if she does it all, pretty soon the husband starts to feel like he shouldn't do anything because she can do it better or faster. Then resentment sets in and the whole marriage goes downhill.

The article gives some good advice, it can't hurt to try....

 

[Eggs4Sale]

I remember hearing somewhere "If you do it three times, expect to do it forever." I've tested it. It's true. Now I'll read the article!

 

[seismic wonder2]

Hey. Hey , Hey!
Woah! Back up there!

In My defence.....oh never mind.

 

[Hoosiermomma]

That's sooooo true...

I'm sure there are alot of 'us' on here....

I know my time spent on here is my 'down time'.

 

[DuckLady]

I was so busy enjoying "taking care" of my husband when we got married that it got out of hand. Soon it was not a pleasure because instead of a treat, it became expected and a part of the routine. I was promoted rapidly at work which meant more hours away from home, and I was still doing all the stuff I had been before.

I was single for 10 years before we got married and I knew how to put things together, do all the housework, yardwork, etc. So I just did it.

Now I am learning to ask (nag

) for what I need him to do to help me. It took a long time of suppressed anger and yelling. But I take blame for the situation (not all of it). I let it happen as much as he did.

Now we have our own "chores" and if we need help from the other, we ask.

 

[texasgal]

Quote:
Wow, this sounds like us ... in reverse.

I'll spare the history, but DH is a "put it on the checklist, do it, mark it off the checklist" sorta person. We can't do it quick enough, fast enough, clean enough .. so we let him do it all. Even GROCERY SHOPPING (I don't do it right ..

)

Then he complains because he "does everything" ... Well????

I think he's just starting to see that he's responsible for HIS own unhappiness .. and he's letting some of it go .. which in turn we (DDs and I) are starting to pick up and do ....

Family dynamics are sooooo interesting ... for generations and generations....

Edited to add: I've only read the OPs comments .. now going to read the article..

 

[AK Michelle]

My parents never did anything for me. I don't mean that in the whiny - they didn't love me way, they knew that if they left me alone I would figure out a way to solve the problem. It was very empowering and now I know I can do almost anything.

But, like Terrie, I started taking care of him because it made me happy to make him happy. Now, he's my 4th child. Cause and effect at it's finest.

I think it's going to be hard to learn to let him do some things, but I bet it'll be worth the effort.

 

[SarahFair]

Im a stay at home mom so I dont know how to make it fair..
He works a labor job (logging) so when he comes home hes kinda tired. BUT I am tired as well.


He groans if I ask him to make dinner and its SO unfair if he has to do dishes once a week..


How do you know whats fair and whats not?
If we were to sit down and talk he just tell me that me doing everything sounds good to him..

 

[Southernbelle]

This whole issue gets me so hot

He feels that since I'm a stay-at-home-mom, that I should do everything and never fails to point out what needs to be done around here, like I'm some kind of servant or employee. I feel like a single parent, even though I'm married. All my life, this was my dream, being a stay-at-home-mom and I never intended to re-enter the workforce, but when my youngest reaches school age, I'll probably go back.

I'm hoping it will help to equalize this messed-up relationship and if not, at least I'll have an income, cause I'll need it.

 

[SarahFair]

Quote:

I feel you! I FEEL YOU!