I think my stepdaughter is stealing from us

[Sonoran Silkies]

I agree with the idea of surveillance. Some camcorders have a mode that will work like that, or there are some inexpensive cameras that can be purchased. You know who you suspect, what you need is to veryify that it is or is not happening.

Lock away real valuables or heirlooms that you absolutely do not want taken, then set the change jar or cigarette stash for surveillence.

You do need to talk with DH, not exactly in an accusatory way, but in a "we have a problem" manner where you focus on solutions, not blame. If you are blaming DSD, regardless of how accurate, you are pitting your husband between the two of you. If you are focusing on helping her, you are working as a team to give her a better chance at life.

 

[gritsar]

Well, when DH got home awhile ago, we did have a little talk about this. I didn't tell him about my suspicions about the stealing, just my feelings about his daughter's behavior in general. He was asleep when she pulled her little temper tantrum about doing the dishes last night.
He admits that there's a problem, but says he's clueless about how to handle it. He told me that last week he gave her $50, which she claimed she needed to make her car payment, but he then got mad when he found out she used the money to go partying in Texas instead. Turns out this was on the same day that she came up here crying to me that she didn't have money to buy cat food. I gave her a gallon ziploc filled with the (expensive) cat food we have for our own cats. She whined when I was giving it to her, saying something about how her cats really need the super premium food to "do well".

So DH is aware of the problem, though I know his good heart and he probably won't be able to help himself the next time she asks for money.
I, on the other hand, can be a real strong person when I feel it's necessary. She need not come to me looking for any more handouts or she'll get an earful. She'll be watched like a hawk in my house too.

 

[Chickenmaven]

How old is this "child"? If she is 18 or 19, you should lay down the law with hubby, let him know that you will speak your mind with her. If she is 30...

No more crashing & fits!

 

[joebryant]

I'd do the video, and if there were any results, I'd just play it unnanounced for the stepdaughter and her father. You should stay in the kitchen and out of the conversation until later after they're both over the shock.

 

[Imp]

Gritsar, You have great judgment, be careful about making theft accusations, without proof it can easily make you look like the badguy.

Years ago my mom was convinced the her DIL's sister had stolen a diamond ring, during a holiday meal. We all believed it, cause that would have been in her nature; and it dissapeared from a jar of lots of rings. Mom decided it wasn't worth the problems an accusation would cause, so nothing was ever said. Mom died in the mid 90's. A couple years later dad decided to take the change jar to the bank to be counted. When he went back to get the cash the bank handed him the ring. It had been buried in the change for all those years. Whew! Close one!

I know your situation is a little different- you have stronger proof, not just a hunch, just be careful.

Imp-BTW there was more than $4000 in the change jar + the ring. Who does that? I have like $20 in mine.

 

[rirluvr]

.

 

[PurpleChicken]

Quote:
Sometimes the dynamics of a web forum can make things sound different than they really are. Many people on BYC rant like this hoping to find other people who have experienced similiar issues and to learn how they handled them. Gritsar is not a paranoid type, just a practical one dealing with a new family.

I must differ with you on a "guy's perspective". No reasonable man would walk out based on this situation unless it became chronic.

 

[rirluvr]

Quote:
Sometimes the dynamics of a web forum can make things sound different than they really are. Many people on BYC rant like this hoping to find other people who have experienced similiar issues and to learn how they handled them. Gritsar is not a paranoid type, just a practical one dealing with a new family.

I must differ with you on a "guy's perspective". No reasonable man would walk out based on this situation unless it became chronic.

touche

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

You sure you're not living with my neice????

She lived with MIL and FIL and her dad for a while and it was awful with the lying, cheating, stealing and doing everything she could stirring the he said/ she said pot Y'know lie to one person about what the other did or said??


Anyway, MIL got locks put on her bedroom door and started keeping everything of value inside. HER stuff stopped disappearing. Eventually she made the mistake of breaking into my house. I called the cops and prosecuted her to the fullest extent of the law.

 

[redhen]

Darn Grity, tough situation.

What to do??...Not sure how i'd handle this...
Wonder if she has a drug problem..kinda sounds like it with the needing money and not paying her bills..etc...
i'd talk to hubby about that....its YOUR house too...