I will not be responsible for anyone other than myself

[Rusty Hills Farm]

And why should you be?

Guy's POV here: If you are 2 working adults, where is it written that one of you is responsible for food/house-type chores and the other is responsible for mechanical/outside chores? And why should either of you be expected to be "the maid"?

In our household, the first one home starts supper BUT the other does the cleanup. If one does the laundry, the other does the folding/putting away stuff. If one vacuums, the other dusts or washes floors. We take turns cleaning the bathroom since that's always a yuck job. Likewise, we take turns mowing and we each do the oil changes, etc on our own vehicles. It's a simple arrangement--an even-stevens kind of a deal that seems to prevent these kinds of issues. And it's based on the notion that when 2 adults live together, one does not need to be taken care of and the other should not be expected to be a care-giver. We're not children, after all. Our's is a marriage, not a parent/child relationship. Nor is one of us "the hired help"!

If your guy expects to be taken care of, pack him up and ship him back to Mommy until he grows up.


JMO


Rusty

 

[dichotomymom]

What concerns me is that I stay at home and do everything except the mowing and vehicle maintenance. I go back to work in September and have been "gently" reminding everyone that I will not be doing it all when that time comes.

 

[ijon1]

In the whole scope of things. You should both respect each other. If you don't things won't run very smooth.

 

[mom'sfolly]

I'm with Tala. Her dh has been reading and napping. He has had plenty of time to do what he needs to. By asking her to do something he should do himself and then swearing at her he is saying "my time, my wants, my needs are more important than yours". The whole message is one of selfishness and laziness.

On the other hand, an "I'm making my lunch, do you want me to fix something for you" wouldn't have been out of line either.

Just from reading this, I think the situation has gone on long enough that this is an ongoing power struggle. I suspect that unless some serious discussion happens, it will only get worse.

None of us is our spouse's parent. I do most of the cooking and cleaning because I'm a SAHM, but I don't pick up for my husband, and I don't wait on him. If he can't figure out what he needs to do, then tough. He's supposed to be a responsible adult, and I'm not his mother.

 

[lengel]

Quote:
Some people need to have boundaries drawn for them. It's called poor upbringing. My DH would cheerfully let me run myself into the ground if I let him. This is something he has demonstrated time after time. Again, poor upbringing. He was the only child of a woman from a culture who felt that the son should be doted on because she was unhappy in her own marriage and did not have an equal partnership.

I married the man because he is basically good, intelligent and hard working. However, many spouses need to be told on some level at some time that they have not married their doting parents.

 

[Wildsky]

Quote:

Oh what a big baby he is!

I bet his mom treated him like a helpless little boy his whole life.

Does hallmark make "welcome to the real world" cards?

 

[PineappleMama]

Have him visit LP.org... he'd probably have a conniption fit at the ideas about PERSONAL Responsibility talked about there.

OR, hey, realize that you are a PARTNER... you work, and you make sure you have your own lunch... he should too.

If he wanted to marry his mother... and have her coddle him for life... well.. there are countries where that is legal.

 

[The Chicken People]

Oh shoot just learn to communicate your needs and love one another everything else will work itself out. Its marriage not rocket science!

 

[PineappleMama]

Quote:
Yeah, rocket science is exact and the same formula works no matter the two people involved in the equation so long as they follow it. Humans really are SO unpredictable. (I say that because I know how nutso I can get myself, I hope no one is offended.)

 

[chickeypoo]

im with Tala as well.

my Dh and i work at the same place. so i make "our" lunch together. If he don't like it.. he don't eat it lol. but when we were working seperate places i still made his lunch.. most times. if i didn't he'd figure it out himself. he's a big boy. i do all the laundry but he helps put it away. I do the dishes and he puts them away. he does the mowing, snow blowing, shoveling, putting the dogs on their leashes outside(i can't walk up the hill) and now that it's winter, he's been taking care of MY chickens. but, i do all the cooking, i make sure we have all the food(ie i do the shopping with him in tow so he can lift the heavy stuff lol) he does the heavy lifting and the jar opening(only after i struggle to open the pickles, which i can get them open sometimes LOL) so, i do believe that her DH needs to man up a bit, put the baby book down, get the pacifier out of his mouth and make his own dang lunch.(esp when she TOLD him what he could eat.. so it's not like he had to figure it out himself)

Sue