I will not be responsible for anyone other than myself

[Tala]

Quote:
Well this would be just fine by me, IF he actually appreciated it!! I think that's the main source of the problem. I would be perfectly happy if I felt like I was appreciated!!!!!!!
Plus, I have to fix all the cars and do 90% of the outside work too. He literally doesn't do anything unless I tell him to, unless he's in the rare and magical mood to do so. Moody my booty, things have to be done regardless of whether or not you feel like it!

I don't think you're a doormat unless you feel like you are.

 

[Elite Silkies]

Quote:
I'm in the guerilla warefare zone. We've had "the talk" and he agrees that he should do his share of the chores. The problem is getting him to actually DO it. Saying and doing are like polar opposites with him. Or sometimes he does the dishes for a few days and then forgets about it for a month

[An example: We decided about a month ago that I would take out the trash and do laundry, and that he would do dishes and sweep the floors. We write notes on the fridge, to do lists for the day or anything else, because the other is usually asleep when one gets home. Anyway, I was writing on Monday for "DH to do the dishes on Tuesday" and myself not to forget the trash Tuesday because it is picked up Wed morning. DH walks up and says something like "yeah, I'm too tired today, I'll do them Tuesday" . . . . Tuesday goes by, Wednesday goes by, Thursday rolls around.....you catch my drift? He agreed to do it and even suggested that he would take care of it on a certain day, but it didn't happen. If the dishes don't get washed then his work clothes don't either. I call that fair.]

I love him, but yes I often do feel taken advantage of. Fortunately, I don't stay that way very long before I DO something about it.

I'm probably in the same boat as Cammy. I did everything when I was unemployed for 11 months. I was bored - so I did everything.

He did come home and apologize though. He said "he must have been tired or somethin" um yeah, he's always tired because he would rather do something fun (compuer game, read a book, etc.) than be responsible and sleep when he should. Then I'm the one who has to put up with Mr grouchy baby! Usually I just leave, or sit at my computer and ignore him so he leaves. No point in fighting.
He also announced to me that he had 2 shirts left and would do laundry on his day off. WOWZA usually he has NO idea what he's going to wear until 5 minutes before he walks out the door!

Granted, these are the 2 shirts that he doesn't like and normally he would kick up a fuss about having to wear them. Guess he's just being extra lazy this week and refuses to do laundry until he absolutely HAS to! I find it rather funny myself!

We were definitely in the same boat with doing everything while unemployed, I guess maybe I felt like it was my job, since I didn't have one, and that is where I messed up.

But, he needs to help you. My husband has been doing really good since we had our talk. He is helping now, and I do hope that your husband starts helping you, because you need the help. It's rough enough doing it all when your not employed, but going back to work and still trying to do it all, just can't be done. My dad has been here for 2 weeks and he has started helping with the chores as well.

I definitely understand your frustration, esp. if he is playing games or on the computer, etc and leaves the dishes in the sink for several days. If he has time for that, then he definitely has 10 or 15 minutes to do the dishes. If he has time to argue with you of why he didn't do the dishes, then he had plenty of time to get the dishes done.

I got so tired of hearing them complain, that it seemed easier for me to just do it myself. But, not anymore.

I do hope everything works out for you.

 

[turney31]

tala- Mine definately appreciates me and shows it .......I can of course see your point also...didn't mean to sound condesending. Nope never feel like a doormat!......Have you tried hiding one of the connections to the game?

micah

 

[Chickenmaven]

What you are doing is passive aggressive. Not a good way to be a partner to this man. You need to articulate your needs & wants. Speak up, woman! Tell him that you don't want to rush around doing it all while he lounges. That said, I do believe it is just as easy to make 2 sandwiches as one. Perhaps the two of you should take turns? Your situation is only going to get worse if you continue this way. Please take the time to have a talk.

 

[danielle82]

to you Tala! It sounds like you and yopur hubby are going through a rough spot. Mny people that have been married for years and years say that you can overcome it hahaha. Ive only been married 7 years but Ive been through a few myself

It hurts when you feel like the love of your life dosn't treat you like you think someone ought to treat someone they "love" . Keep your chin up, and remember that men need a little help to correct their flaws, Most of the time my husband dosn't even know he is behaving in an unloving way, until I tell hm that what he did hurt my feelers.

 

[Tala]

Quote:
We have talked. As I already stated, he agrees with words but then doesn't DO anything.

Talking = fighting

Refusing to do laundry = results!

Sorry, it takes two to "partner" and if one is doing everything there is no partnership.

I think we have gotten over my vent from the other night. DH actually did dishes today and his own laundry ---- the difference? He got a good night's sleep last night. I tell you he's an entirely different person when he's not tired, hungry or hurting. Just like a baby.

Anyway, I think this thread should be closed because we've already discussed what needed to be discussed.

 

[DuckLady]

Closed at the OP's request.