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Oh, I don't mind getting picked on
I didn't say the kids do not have chores, I said they get angry because I can not do it all or will not do it all. However, it is a chore in it's self to make them do their chores. I give them a certain amount of time to complete them and if they fail to do so, then they face the consequences.
Their problem is that they think that because I do not work right now, that I should be the maid. I tell them on a daily basis that I am not their personal maid.
And add to that by telling them that you are teaching them HOW to be an adult--knowledge that they will need as an adult. If there was one thing I could do over with my kids it would be harnessing more of their energy and interest when they were very small and WANTED to help. Not that I didn't accept their help then, but I think I could have done a better job of consistently accepting it--even when I wanted to have it done faster & better, and so did it myself. Stating heartfelt thanks and giving tangible rewards can help motivate kids. Sometimes a "hey, let's get this done so we can play a short game of g0-fish before bathtime" or "let's hurry up and get the dishes done so we can watch A Charlie Brown Christmas before bedtime" goes a long ways towards getting them moving. And sometimes it takes a tangible reward, "here's your allowance plus an extra $1 for remembering to clean out under your bed without me having to nag you."
Great advice, I agree 100%. I do wish I would have accepted more of their help when they were smaller. I'm going to set them all down and talk about me going back to work and explain to them that I will need more help. They use to get an allowance, however, after our business went under, I haven't had the extra money. But, since I am going back to work I think an allowance that they can earn will be good for them. I was raised that if you want something you must work for it. I was never handed anything not even school clothes. I sure didn't like it then, but I realize that it taught me responsibility and how to be independent. I do want my children to be able to be independent and not have to rely on someone else taking care of them, but I also want them to learn that they must work together with others, if that makes sense.
Oh, I don't mind getting picked on
Their problem is that they think that because I do not work right now, that I should be the maid. I tell them on a daily basis that I am not their personal maid.
And add to that by telling them that you are teaching them HOW to be an adult--knowledge that they will need as an adult. If there was one thing I could do over with my kids it would be harnessing more of their energy and interest when they were very small and WANTED to help. Not that I didn't accept their help then, but I think I could have done a better job of consistently accepting it--even when I wanted to have it done faster & better, and so did it myself. Stating heartfelt thanks and giving tangible rewards can help motivate kids. Sometimes a "hey, let's get this done so we can play a short game of g0-fish before bathtime" or "let's hurry up and get the dishes done so we can watch A Charlie Brown Christmas before bedtime" goes a long ways towards getting them moving. And sometimes it takes a tangible reward, "here's your allowance plus an extra $1 for remembering to clean out under your bed without me having to nag you."
My husband use to help me. We both worked and we both came home and cooked supper and then cleaned the house. But, after I quit working, I agree I let them take advantage of me, and that is my fault. But, things are going to have to go back to the way it use to be, because I will not be able to work that many hours and continue doing everything that I do now.
Have a conversation ahead of time with him about it--mention how much he used to help, and that now that you are going back to work you are going to need his household help again.
Personally I would not choose to say "do your own laundry." Rather I would ask that he "do the laundry"--that you usually have (however many loads per day, week, whatever), and how much a help that will be. Giving him ownership of an entire task means that you won't be butting heads over who is using the machines and when. The downside is that you have to accept his methods over yours and not micromanage his efforts.
Have a conversation ahead of time with him about it--mention how much he used to help, and that now that you are going back to work you are going to need his household help again.
Personally I would not choose to say "do your own laundry." Rather I would ask that he "do the laundry"--that you usually have (however many loads per day, week, whatever), and how much a help that will be. Giving him ownership of an entire task means that you won't be butting heads over who is using the machines and when. The downside is that you have to accept his methods over yours and not micromanage his efforts.
Great advice, I agree 100%. I do wish I would have accepted more of their help when they were smaller. I'm going to set them all down and talk about me going back to work and explain to them that I will need more help. They use to get an allowance, however, after our business went under, I haven't had the extra money. But, since I am going back to work I think an allowance that they can earn will be good for them. I was raised that if you want something you must work for it. I was never handed anything not even school clothes. I sure didn't like it then, but I realize that it taught me responsibility and how to be independent. I do want my children to be able to be independent and not have to rely on someone else taking care of them, but I also want them to learn that they must work together with others, if that makes sense.
