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If you had the opportunity.....would you? UPDATED!!!

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by chickensioux, Jun 7, 2011.

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  1. Jun 7, 2011 #1
    chickensioux

    chickensioux Chillin' With My Peeps

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    When I was young I was a self-assured, self-confident person. I met someone, fell in love. He was my first serious relationship. Over time, he became verbally abusive and borderline physically abusive, he lied, cheated and treated me extremely poorly. Only because I met my current husband was I able to walk away from that situation. I was so in love with him at the time, that's what it took, me to meet someone else. So I understand how some women stay in bad relationships. It took years and years for me to regain my self esteem and self confidence and it took tons of patience on my DH's part.
    Here's the opportunity: Ex-boyfriend is on facebook, 1st chance I have had in literally 30 years to tell him what he did to me. Because when I walked away, I never looked back. BUT I feel like I have unfinished business. Over the years I have always wanted that opportunity to let him know just what he did to me.
    Should I?
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2011
  3. Jun 7, 2011 #2
    pbjmaker

    pbjmaker Overrun With Chickens

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    No - let the past be the past.
     
  5. Jun 7, 2011 #3
    Shannon33

    Shannon33 Chillin' With My Peeps

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    No, I would not. If you do, you are giving him a power boost because you are showing that after all this time he is still affecting you, still has some control. The best revenge is that you moved on, have a happy life, and he is insignificant to you now.
     
  7. Jun 7, 2011 #4
    jojo@rolling acres farm

    [email protected] acres farm Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I went through something very similar. Don't do it. Let the past stay in the past. He has no control over you and your current life - leave it that way. Do not empower him by letting him know that he crosses your mind now and then.
     
  9. Jun 7, 2011 #5
    farmerlor

    farmerlor Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Quote:Above is the right answer. I was in your position and these .....cowardly tools live for the power they get from picking on those weaker than themselves. Even if he's "changed" and momentarily feels some frontal lobe remorse, he'll still be getting a subconscious thrill that you still remember what he did and that it's still affecting you.
     
  11. Jun 7, 2011 #6
    gryeyes

    gryeyes Covered in Pet Hair & Feathers

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    What they said.

    Just DON'T do it.
     
  13. Jun 7, 2011 #7
    ChickLover98

    ChickLover98 The Chicken Princess

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    I fully agree with you guys. Its probably enough of a hint that you've been ignoring him all of these years. Who knows... If you said something to him again, he might get angry with you for saying something and start to be mean again. I'd just continue to ignore him.
     
  15. Jun 7, 2011 #8
    Raen

    Raen Chillin' With My Peeps

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    No. He's out of your life now, keep it that way.
     
  17. Jun 7, 2011 #9
    thebritt

    thebritt Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I, too, vote NO, especially for the reason given by Shannon33!
     
  19. Jun 7, 2011 #10
    Laurajean

    Laurajean Slightly Touched

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    I'll be the first to disagree I guess.... I say, if it brings YOU closure, if you have always felt a personal need to express your hurt and pain in ways that you could not when you were under his thumb, then why not tell him? As long as you are in a safe position to do so. If it will bring you a sense of closure and healing, then go for it. I'll admit I'm bias, because I did this very thing with my abusive ex. And I felt a lot better and stronger after getting it off my chest too, I have no regrets.

    Edited to add: I assume you meant write to him, not friend him on FB. You don't need to friend him to send a message. I would of course not friend him.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2011
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