If you had the opportunity.....would you? UPDATED!!!

[Laurajean]

Quote:
To elaborate even a little further... I guess what it comes down to (in my opinion that is) is how YOU feel about it, and WHY you want to say certain things to him. IF you're hoping to get through to him, or to make him realize the error of his ways, I suppose I wouldn't bother. If words could get through to him he would have changed when you were together, since I assume you had addressed this with him while together.

However, if you want to tell him certain things because you never had the chance, or because you never dared back then, or if saying certain things to him will help YOU, then yes, tell him whatever you need to get it off your chest to give yourself a sense of peace and closure about it all. So I guess it comes down to what your intent and expectations are. Hoping to drive it home and make him feel bad? Probably a waste of time. Things you never said but always wish you did? Totally worthwhile.

 

[EmtheFishLady]

Examine first why you want to contact him. For revenge? Anything you say is likely just going to stroke his ego. Is it for closure? You've moved on and have a nice life now, so closure is more likely going to come from yourself. You've nothing to gain but pain by dredging the past up. Just leave it behind you. If you need to vent or feel you must say something, write it down and burn it.

 

[PineappleMama]

Quote:
Exactly my thoughts. Revenge is best served cold... and the best cut is the cold shoulder.

 

[HHandbasket]

I believe we come to a point in our lives where we must acknowledge our past, right wrongs, give others the opportunity to do so, and express forgiveness. Only then can we move on.

I am going to step out on a limb here and say that it may not be a bad thing to contact your ex, but if you do, do so in a way that respects and honors the woman you have become. Give the hurt young woman inside of you a chance to heal by speaking her forgiveness and release, finish up the unfinished business with the ex.

If you are doing it just to let him know how much he hurt you, then I would advise against contacting him. Festering and perpetuating the pains of the past only brings them back into our awareness. Do you really want to re-live that hurt?

I would say contact him if you want to speak your forgiveness, otherwise walk away and make no contact.

My first love, first husband died unexpectedly 6 months ago. We had 2 children together (the boys are now adults), and he walked away from the boys and me and moved across the country to be with another woman. About 8 years before he passed but after I had found my now-husband, I found my ex, re-contacted him, and we were able to forgive one another and move past a lot of the old hurts. When he passed away in December, my conscience was clear. So was his, I believe, at least as far as "our" past was concerned. I am glad I told him I was sorry for my part, forgave him, and he did the same. We were civil and friendly the last 8 years of his life, and he had finally developed a relationship with at least one of our boys.

I think things might have ended differently if I had stayed mad at him, or re-contacted him just to re-hash old crap and let him know I was still hurting and bubbling over what happened decades ago.

 

[kathyinmo]

Quote:
Exactly my thoughts. Revenge is best served cold... and the best cut is the cold shoulder.

Exactly how I feel, too.

 

[Gardengirl 2011]

I'm not going to advise, but wanted to say that whatever your choice, I hope you can put the nightmare behind you.

 

[itsy]

I feel like even if you did it - it would be worse when you heard him "not care" if he responded back. His response would likely not be an apology but maybe more hurt and arrogance. That would tick me off even more than not saying anything at all.

I don't think it's worth it. There are many more eloquent posts about why not to do it - but I think: once a jerk, always a jerk. There's no changing him. He's still fundamentally the same person and he probably won't give a poop.

 

[#1California Chick]

Quote:
Exactly my thoughts. Revenge is best served cold... and the best cut is the cold shoulder.

Why are you allowing this low-life to have "free rent" in your mind/consciousness??? The chances are LOW that he will feel any guilt and HIGH that he will feel satisfaction that you still think of him!! I wouldn't give him the time of day, much less that satisfaction. If you feel that you need to get all your feelings out, write a letter and then burn it!

 

[Chickenberry]

Why not take a piece of paper and write down everything you want to tell him. All the details, all the points, all the hurt/rage/anger/feelings... go on and on and on until you feel better....and then burn it. Watch it burn and then let it go...

Hugggs~

 

[SillyChicken]

I had almost the same experience with my ex, first love, married, abused, left for another woman........ I am never going to waste my time on that piece of crap! As far as I'm concerned, he doesn't even exist anymore!

I'd let it go... do you really think he's going to care about what kind of impact he had on your life?

If you feel you need to express your feelings, go ahead and write him a letter, just don't send it. Burn it, stomp on it, shred it, do what ever makes you feel better, but I'd not give him any satisfaction in knowing he hurt you and that hes obviously still hurting you.

(I didn't even see the posts above!)