I work with survivors of domestic violence. When I conducted support groups, I was working with some women who wanted to do what you're wanting to do now. My advice echoes exactly what a large majority here have said: Don't do it.
Abusers thrive on power and control. That's what an abusive relationship is really about. If you've been out of a relationship with him for any length of time, don't invite him back into your life with an acknowledgment that he had power over you. That's what it would do. You'd be admitting that he still has some power over you, because you're acknowledging that it still bothers you after all this time. Don't give him that power.
I know that the desire is great. I, myself, wanted to write to my ex and tell him exactly what he did to me and how much he hurt me. It won't change anything is the bottom line. There's no guarantee that he would even read the letter. If he does, he could make an effort to try and ruin what you have now.
If you're still needing a sense of closure, my suggestion is to write out the letter. List the hurts and the betrayals and anything else that you might be harboring. Burn that letter. You're still acknowledging and giving voice to why you want to contact the abuser, but you're not giving him the power to use it against you.
Abusers thrive on power and control. That's what an abusive relationship is really about. If you've been out of a relationship with him for any length of time, don't invite him back into your life with an acknowledgment that he had power over you. That's what it would do. You'd be admitting that he still has some power over you, because you're acknowledging that it still bothers you after all this time. Don't give him that power.
I know that the desire is great. I, myself, wanted to write to my ex and tell him exactly what he did to me and how much he hurt me. It won't change anything is the bottom line. There's no guarantee that he would even read the letter. If he does, he could make an effort to try and ruin what you have now.
If you're still needing a sense of closure, my suggestion is to write out the letter. List the hurts and the betrayals and anything else that you might be harboring. Burn that letter. You're still acknowledging and giving voice to why you want to contact the abuser, but you're not giving him the power to use it against you.
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