inconsiderate people rant

[CheekyChicky44]

I know how you feel. I had a close friend for years; we grew apart and then reunited our friendship for a while, long enough for me to invite her to my wedding, which was somewhat formal, insanely private and small. I explained to her that I was going for intimacy and not to bring her new boyfriend. Long story short, she showed up drunk, in a t-shirt and jeans, with the boyfriend I hadn't even met. Even still I tried to explain to her what she did wrong and how I felt about it and she acted like she didn't want to hear it, so I had to break that friendship off. I wasn’t even all that mad, but she refused to hear my side altogether. She was like family for a while, but when it’s a one way relationship it means just that: your being a friend and they’re not.

I hope that they were just having a bad day if you are going to keep in contact with them, and they get their act together. I have, unexpectedly, been the hostess of a messy house on occasion and I am always thoroughly embarrassed when that happens. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t show you, their guest, more respect by making you and your family more comfortable.

 

[WoodlandWoman]

Have you invited them to your house? If you haven't, maybe try that.

 

[egglicious]

We have. It didn't happen. But I do think my hubby has been going to see them for a long time so they got trained that way. Then I came along, then our kid came along. Come to us, darn it! Tbh I don't know if I can set foot in that house again.

 

[MaryMouse]

Well, I certainly feel for you. First thing the sickness in the house is a way big thing for someone like me. I am a germaphobe. My immune system sucks, and when I get what affects someone else as the sniffles it ends up being pnuemonia for me. I feel your pain here big time. My mom pulls that crap, denies or not mentions an illness then exposes us all to it. She also coughs and sneezes in your direction without covering her face.

Sickness is not something you are supposed to share.

As far as the pet hair and smell, yuck. We have lots of animals in the house, but at least you can sit without getting a new fur coat, and the smell doesn't gag you. This is a matter of plain old good animal husbandry. I feel for you here too, I wouldn't have been able to eat.

As far as paying for the meal, well if you come to my house and are my guest, then no I would not accept your help with the tab. However some people view things like this differently.

I understand about them being your husbands friends, dealt with that for years. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. One family used to have parties once a month. Everytime we went there we ended up violently ill. This turned into we took our own soda bottles and didn't ingest anything there. This turned into "Honey you can go and have a good time" . This turned into ahhh, ahhh, we have this thing planned. All this and we were expected to bring a dish to pass, our own beverages, chip in money towards the party, and help build a garage, or pave the patio. Anyways we sorta drifted apart.

Good luck in the future and sorry that happened to you.

 

[fuzziebutt]

I'm not a germophobe, but I wouldn't have stayed. I have come to the point in my life that I just don't have to smile and kiss it anymore. And I'm SURE not gonna drag my loved ones thru it. If they can't meet you somewhere for a meal, then I would distance myself from them.

 

[egglicious]

Thanks all. I just needed to rant I guess. I think they are just truly unaware. If we were better friends to them we would get the courage to say something, not about the gross house but probably about the bill and definitely about the sick child. And we really wouldn't have to be mean about it. Lots of things can be solved with humor and sensitivity. Alas, we didn't have the guts to do it last night. I don't really want to alienate them, so gonna give them another chance.

 

[spacecowgirl]

I feel your pain, although mine is the opposite.

We constantly have friends over here, and although we really do love them dearly, the cost and extravagance gets out of hand.

It's been coming to the point where they bring their friends (and friends of friends ) we've never met, expect us to be up at all hours of the night and open for business, and every Friday and Saturday, they expect food. If we're not cooking a feast, (SAY What!!), we're expected to get delivery.

And guess who picks up most, if not all of the bill. Plus beer, booze, wine....whatever....it always becomes a free-for all. They do bring over some stuff, but what once was fun is becoming a burden.

On top of that, guess who has to clean up after everyone the next day? Most of these people are true friends of ours, and our neighbors ( also good friends ) throw just as much into the pot as we do.

But we are really starting to get fed up with the freeloading.

Sorry, I got off on my own tangent. If I were you, I'd have them come to your house from now on, ( I wouldn't want to go back to their yucky house either ), and if they suggest a restaurant, specify ahead of time if it's something you can comfortably afford, and when you get there, before you order, specify which members of the party are on your tab.

I promise, that's not rude at all; I've had people do that when we are out at a restaurant, and I really appreciate it, and I know the server does, too. Avoids a lot of confusion and awkwardness.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Maybe they assumed that since you were coming to visit them, they wouldn't have expected you to critique their ways, house, health or scruples.

I'm sorry...I feel no pity for you or your family. I suppose it's just how I was raised and how I would like my friends to treat me.

If my "friends" judged me the way you have, I would make it quite clear that they were not welcomed into my house. Don't get me wrong, having a clean house is a nice thing to do, but to comment on it makes me feel upset for the family that you visited.


Commence the verbal beat down.

 

[artsy1]

If I know people are coming to my house, I spend the whole week trying to clean it up. If someone justs drops by, then they just will have to live with the mess.
Which isn't very bad. Some people are just dirty.
Love them or not.
I can't go to my own moms house because it reeeks so bad of cigarette smoke, and everyone in our family feels the same way, so she prefers to smoke instead of having guests, it's her choice.

 

[egglicious]

Spacecowgirl, that is crazy. CRAZY!!! I am definitely guilty of being a freeloader in my past... but I was like, 19 years old. I've learned a little bit since then!

I hope this situation gets resolved for you.